RNAZ

Helplessly in love with my best friend. Sorry this is so long but it is a big story. I hope someone can help shed some light on this for me. I have a friend of mine whom I have known for 7 years. I met her through my ex wife when we were dating. I think I have always had a crush on her from the start. Anyway, while we were engaged she started dating my ex-wife’s ex-boyfriend despite my ex telling to not go there. They had a conversation when my ex found out she was dating him and actually told her she was destined to pick up her scraps forever. Now I know that is a nasty thing to say but my friend is very concerned with how she is perceived. My friend and the boyfriend broke up. She was devastated and has not dated anyone seriously for 3 years. We were married for 1 yr and ½ until I found out my wife was having an affair during most of the marriage. My friend told her she did not agree with her life’s decisions and she was not headed down the same road she was. She ended her friendship with my ex. She chose me over her. That was one year ago. She told me when we started hanging out that nothing could ever be because of my ex. She said nothing would ever happen. We became very close and on occasion were intimate with each other. After each encounter she freaked out a bit and said “that cannot happen again”. Well it did. She even told me that she was beginning to have feelings for me that she should not. I had begun to see another woman for about 6 months and my friend did not want to meet her because she did not want to hate her unless it was real. We cooled things down from seeing each other so much for about 4 weeks. The woman I was seeing and I stopped dating and my friend and I went back to seeing each other about 4 or 5 times a week through just natural progression. For the last 6 months or so this has continued. Over this time I found that was really falling in love with her. I told her how I was feeling because it was chewing me up inside to not say anything. She told me that nothing could be because her mother and father would not approve of it because I was divorced and that she had been a friend with my ex. She also said she thought of me as her brother. She said she was attracted to me when we first met but I was off limits because of my ex. We have gone out together a few times since and she even had begun flirting with other guys in my presense, has said I should start dating other people. Then qualified that with “maybe it is what I need to push me over the edge”. Of course I got jealous with her flirting and she knew it. We had another discussion and she said that she thought we were on the same page. I told her I was definitely in love with her and wanted nothing more than to be with her. I told her I have had plenty of girlfriends and dated plenty of people and did not feel this way about any of them including my ex wife. I told her “I think I have always been in love with you I just had to find you”. One of the nights we went out we had both had abit to drink and when I wlked her to her car there was some passionat neck and lip kissing. She even pulled me into her for a kiss. When she got home she called me to say "that cannot happen again", again. We went to dinner last night and through conversation I found out that she had a date for tonight and I told her I had a date as well for Saturday. She became very inquisitive and wanted to know her name and how I knew her. She wanted to know if her friend whom I used to work with would know her etc. So there we are sitting in restaurant bar and she asked me to massage her neck. I did and gave her a great massage for about 30 minutes. That is the second time we have done that in public. Through the massage I told her this could be a benefit she could enjoy and she really should consider us. She told me “you are not marrying anyone yet”. I gave her a kiss on the neck when we were done and told her if I had one wish it would not be for a million dollars it would be for me to walk into this bar and meet her and introduce myself as me. Can anyone give me some advice on how I can turn this around? I know we would be perfect together and there is a spark of passion for both of us or I would not be seeking help. We are like two pees in a pod when we are together and always have great conversation and a great time. Anyone ……what would make you turn around in this situation?

I have a question. Does anyone think alcohol affects what you say and do? I have a good friend with whom I have had some intimate moments. We connect very well and I think she may have real feelings for me but is having a hard time with it because she is the ex best friend of my ex wife. I don't mind because I have them for her. Very deep feelings. The only thing that is missing from our relationship is that we have not owned up to "being together". She is very attentive to me when we talk, has direct eye contact with me at all times while we converse, positions herself while sitting directly facing me and on occasion crosses her legs at the knee with her knees facing me and she occasionally will lean in during conversation. To me, that body language is speaking louder than her words. I have caught her staring at me accross the room at a bar before. Onetime about a week ago we were sitting on her couch and she and I locked eyes for longer than was necessary. Nothing was said but it seemed to be a brief intimate connection. She brings up that nothing can ever happen between us more often than seems prudent. During a very passionate kiss she told me she loves me. Now at this time we had both had a few beers. Does alcohol bring the truth out in people's feelings? Do you think what they say and do is what they really want to say and do but never do unless they have loosened up a bit with a couple drinks? I am trying to figure out if this woman is really interested and has real feelings for me because she vocalizes that nothing can happen because of my ex but acts another way toward me. She did tell me that the truth comes out with alcohol. Is she dropping hints to me that she wants me to make a serious move on her? I would like to hear some opinions of both men and woman. Thanks.

I have a friend whom I have gotten very close with since I was divorced about 1 year ago. Unfortunately, she is the ex-best friend of my ex wife. I have known her for about 6 years after I met her through my wife who was then my girlfriend. Anyway, about 6 weeks ago she admitted to me that she was having feelings for me that she should not. She is concerned with the perception of others and our relationhip. She constantly tells me that she wants to make sure that everyone understands that we are not together. She was told by my ex ,when she began to date an ex boyfrined of hers, that she was destined to pick up her scraps. When we began to hang out with each other she told me nothing could ever be because of my ex wife. We began seeing a lot of each other and really enjoy each others company. We spend hours and hours talking. Somtimes the restaraunt or bar will completely close down around us. I began seeing someone for about 6 months and she told me she did not want to meet her because she did not want to hate her. The woman I was seeing and I did not work out. I had been on a few dates and she has asked about them and I tell her I did not really have any interest in them. She never encouraged me to see them again and to give it more of a chance but rather lets the topic change. I had another woman over to my house to just hang out for an evening and she askedme about it. Itold her nothing happened and that there was no feelings for her and that she was just a friend. About 3 weeks later, out of the blue, she asked me about it again and I told her the same thing. We have been intimate and some true emotions have come out while we have been at the bar and after a few drinks. She has told me she loves me during a passionate kiss, is very attentive to me when we talk, has direct eye contact with me at all times while we converse, positions herself while seating directly facing me and on occasion crosses her legs at the knee with her knees facing me and she occasionally will lean in during conversation. To me, that body language is speaking louder than her words. I have caught her staring at me accross the room at a bar before. Onetime about a week ago we were sitting on her couch and she and I locked eyes for longer than was necessary. Nothing was said but it seemed to be a brief intimate connection. She brings up that nothing can ever happen between us more often than seems prudent. It is like she is trying to talk herself out of or into something. Once while I was out of town a couple weeks ago I spoke with her on the phone the day before I left. She told me to have a good time and that she would talk to me when I got back. The first night I was there she called me late at night. I missed the call but she left a message that she wanted to see how it was and what I was doing. She said she was going to bed and had a long day the next day. So, I did not call her. 2 days after the first cal she called me again at about the time she would have woken up and had a cup of coffee. We talked on the phone for about 20 minutes about stuff that really could have waited until I got back. She excitedly asked me when I would be back at the end of the call. On the way home on the plane she called and leftme a message to call her when I got back and we could meet for a drink and I culd tell her about my trip. I was gettting back at about 8 PM. She also called my house at the same time and did not leave a message. Now does "just a friend" call a "friend" 3 times while they are on a 4 day vacation and talk about stuff that could wait until I get back and try to set up a meet to hear about my trip late on a sunday evening when we could have met after work the next day? She has not activley pursued anything more than 2 or 3 one time dates with other guys and does not call them back after. Bottom line is I believe I have fallen in love with her and believe she has feeings for me but cannot get past what other's perceptions may be. She is a wonderful caring, intelligent beautiful woman and I would like her to be with me. I feel like she is tying to distance her self from me as of late and don't know what to do. A friend of mine said it sounds like she does have feelings and the distancing may be her way to not deal with the emotions she is feeling. I want to tell her how I feel and see if it may jolt her to action but am scared it will cause her to neglect me and I would loose her completely. Any advice? Am I wrong to assume these are more than friendly feelings toward me?