whatif

Come on now, don't beat yourself up. We all understand that you are in a very difficult situation. It's not easy to be yourself and make friends. It's hard to keep everybody you meet in life without much compromise. But those compromises should never contradict your values and your own self.

It seems like you are being a different person to avoid loosing Jack, but the reality is that Jack might leave you anyway. His actions and reactions after coming back to you speak for himself.

I know you can't even think of having a life without him at this point. We all have been at that point once or more. But the fact is.... you can do it without him. It just take a while to get used to it. It is going to be horrible in the beginning, but time and NC will heal everything.

Myself, Solo, and numerous people on this forum are living examples of that. You be yourself and express your concerns with Jack. If he is not willing to compromise and still love you for who you are, this is just not the relationship you want to be in for rest of your life.

If you are just looking for a temporary security until meeting someone better, then go for it. We all understand that it is VERY hard, but life must go on. This too shall pass. Now, take a deep breath and do something that you enjoy doing. And try to forget about this whole mess for an hour or two.

Don't be so hard on yourself ok.

You must stand up to Jack because you will not be able to live like this for the rest of your life. You are so worried about Jack leaving you that put you into a state of obsession for him. From you discriptions, Jack is not a person who loves you or loved you with his whole heart. No man can leave a girl for not having sex and shut her out of life for months if he had loved her. Also, if he had shut you out of his life, I strongly suspect that he must had another relationship where he received what he wanted. After that, he must not felt the same feelings with that person as he felt with you, so he came back to you.

You need to express your true feelings with Jack because you can only hide for so long. It's better to leave Andrew alone because you have caused him enought trouble. I have been in Andrew's shoes once and it is very cruel. Don't hurt that boy anymore. Just take your time and have some quality time yourself. Learn to be independent before you jump from relationship to relationship.

Solo

My girl looked 'almost' like that girl. She really was a hottie. I miss her man.

Well, my gf broke up with me two months ago, and I started NC three weeks ago after I came accross enotalone. Amazingly, I felt self respect and confidence after a long time. I read so many great posts and realized that I have been feeling inferior to her all this time and I neglected my feelings and respect.

I am usually off on weekends, but I was asked if I could work yesterday (saturday) and I volunteered to help out. She usually work on Saturdays and when saw me on the floor she was surprised. I was in my jeans and she must thought I was there to talk to her. When she saw me, she asked me, "heyyy what you doing here on a saturday in your casual dress code? I said they asked me to help out and I am on the floor today and just kept walking. For some strange reason, a few hours later, I had this strong urge to ask her if she wants to go have a drink after work. Something we did so many times when we were together. I called and and left a message as follows, "hey I want to go have a drink after work, you want to give me some company? I just want to talk to you and have a drink together, nothing else into it. If you don't feel comfortable or don't think its a good idea, don't worry about it. Just let me know" She texted me back, "K one drink". We met up at Bennigans after work, and talked and had a drink. She looked confused and awkard at the beginning. I think she thought i was going to do more begging. I started chit chating with a positive attitude and asked about her family and stuffs. She asked if I was ok, I said I am doing fine and everything happened for a good reason. We had a great time, and when we were about to leave, she started crying. I comforted her and took her to her car and said thanks for coming out with me and good bye. After we took off, she called me and she said she never meant to hurt me and that I am a great person. I said almost the same. I feel so great today and I am not even thinking about her anymore.

Our heart is like a muscle tissue. It gets stronger after being broken each time. Hang in there and take care of yourself.

She was harsh to you because she wanted you to leave her alone. I don't think she is upset with you for whatever you did, it's more like an excuse to keep you away. She doesn't have any feelings for you anymore and that is why she is acting that way. The more you beg and appologize, the worse it gets. It sounds like you were in NC hoping to get her friendship back, so now after all these time, you are still hurting. You need to start NC for YOU to move on. I CAN happen, just put your mind into it.

Hi all,

I want to thank all memebers who consistently post and reply smart and logical messages that helped me and many others to move on with our life. By pointing out and ridiculing the exact same stupidness that most of us has done or will do, people like me was able to prevent it from happening. It has been 14 days since I haven't contacted my EX completely (although I saw her a few times at work and she stopped and talk to me twice for a few minutes).

I am feeling better but the urge to get her back is still there. I am learning and practicing to feel comfortable with the idea of loosing her forever. It's still hard to picture or believe. As time goes by, I hope I feel the opposite. Thanks again to all memebers, especially some Royal members and super experts who consistently help folks in pain, for a great free service.

Don't forget to click on that 'Support eNotAlone' tab if you can afford to.

I sympothize with you buddy. I know it's hard as hell. But remember that switch all woman (and man?) have that they turn off as soon as a relationship is over. You wish for them to remember all the good things happened in your life, but they are too busy dreaming about their new life and wonderful future. Remember, she wanted to leave you and that means she is not interested in remembering anything happened in the past. Focus on yourself instead of sitting around wondering what she is doing on V. day. Unfortunately, it's none of your business anymore. Also, you should take some time off before you start going out with other girls. You are wasting your time and thier time. Good Luck

obviously she is not your soul mate. Try to see the situation through her eyes. No matter what you do now, her feelings are not going to change at this point. Don't do anything stupid. Save your dignity and act like a man. If she is meant for you, she will come back to you soon. If not, she was never yours as I read somewhere in this site. I know it's tough as hell. You are wondering after 3 and half years this is what it's worth? She must be wondering after 3 and half years this is what I am feeling toward this guy? It's not the fault of either one of you. If she doesn't feel it anymore, you can't 'MAKE' her feel it. It's better to let her go and explore the freedom. Like all the genious folks here say, give her ALL the space. Good luck my friend.

Your motivations are sparked by the hope that she would come back to you if you get a chance to see her and talk to her. Like Raykay beautifully said, it will not change her mind a nano meter. So, stop hoping and start healing. Trust me, I know how you feel and what you are going through. I have been in NC for more than 3 weeks and I have read countless posts from very smart folks here. Over and over, all the posts urge you to take care of yourself and give your ex all the space he/she needed. Yet, I am still secretly hoping, and actually doinig NC, for her come back. But it has to change because we can't be dissappointed again by the same person. Suck it up man.

I have been in NC with my EX for more than two weeks now. I did some beggin and all other stupid stuff in the first two weeks. It has been more than a month now. We work in the same building but in different departments. Guess what, the other day I was walking by her work area to go to another unit and she called me over to her to tell me about an interview she had. Although I was really happy about the fact she called me over, I think it slowed down my healing process. I was working on a system on the floor yesterday and she walked up to me and told me about the interview results. Unlike before I didn't feel nervous and I didn't care about impressing her. We had a short conversation and she left. I was dreaming of her last night and I am feeling that emptiness again. But I WILL not break NC though. Is she doing it in purpose so I don't forget her or is she trying to come back to me? She is extremely pretty and I don't think any guys ever ignored her before. Should I tell her not to talk to me? (but I kind of want her back though)

Time to move on if had had slept with somebody else even once. Your life and character worth more than what he can offer. Click on the link below and read the post. You will feel better.

Hey buddy, I know exactly what you are going through. I went through it all a month ago. But now, I am stronger than ever before, and thanks to all the wonderful folks in this forum. I want to click on the following link and read the post, and I guarantee you that you will feel better.

He wants to be friends because he doesn't want to feel the guilt that he deserves. Not only he dumped you but he is also using you at this point for his own emotional cure. Good luck!

Just rememeber, it's just one person's actions that brought your self esteem earthly low. When the person who you loved with all your heart suggests that you are not good enough for him, it is reasonable to feel that way. But remember, it's just his opinion and he said it leave you for something 'he thought' is better or 'new'. So, get out of your funk and start something new and exciting. If you are not going to school, get an admission in a community college and take some classes. Meet new people and learn something new. Good Luck. I almost felt the same when my gf left me.

Thats Bull **** girl. No man on earth will tell you pick someone else for your goodness. I bet you my life that he must have found another high classified woman that he is interested in. He wants you to move on so he can share classified information with that other woman. I am talking from a guy's perspective.

Thank you all. It's amazing how a person see a totally different point of view by talking to others. What would I have done without your replies.

Hi all,

My girlfriend of a year and half started withdrawing after a big fight and, later I found out that a temporary employye at our work was entertaining her and she enjoyed it. She never went out with him and she did tell him that she is with someone who is very special and really care for. He kept on hitting on her and eventually she started having feelings for him and the frequency of calls between us dropped significantly. I confronted her before Christmas, she admitted and appologized, and asked to take a break. I thought there was still a chance for us to get back together. The guy's employment term was expired at the end of the year and he left. As far as I know she is not talking to him anymore. She told me she wanted to be alone and learn to live herself. It has been a month and we haven't talked for the last two weeks. I saw her at church, work and once at barnes. Talked a little bit at barnes but nothing about relationship or coming back. My question: Should I send her a Valentine's day card (through postal mail) that wishes her a Happy V. day and asking her to treat herself special because she is very special? (a friend's V.day card, nothing romantic) Would that violate NC rule and has any effect on my chance of getting her coming back to me soon? Or should I just keep silent and act like I can go on without her? Please help because I really don't want to loose her.

I don't know any guys who mind a girl asking him if he is single. Just ask him as it is.

Kitty, I can't believe you broke NC even with all the support. But I know exactly how you feel sweety. You are thinking of your EX in old terms when in fact he is a different person now. Like a post i read earlier here, when someone want to break up, its like switch turned off. Your EX is not concerned about your pain at this moment and you are still seeing him as the old caring boy friend.

I was at your position a month back and guess what, I am feeling wayyyyy better now. I still miss her, but it doesn't hurt anymore. Like everybody else said, feel the pain and mourn the loss. He left you because he has no feelings for you anymore or has feelings for somebody else. Let him go and start the healing. Good luck Kitty.

The best approach is to leave him alone. Trust me, if he wants to talk to you, he WILL call you. You don't want to appear annoying and desperate. Guys like to conquer rather than being begged for. Stay strong and be confident in yourself. You will find your man.

Well Said yme. Thanks for your wisdom and courage. Keep it up.

You read it right yme. But she hung in there a year and half though. I guess she never was confindent in the relationship. Irony is that she came to me and told me that she has feelings for me. Although it was very unexpected, I was the happiest man on earth. When I lost her, I couldn't sleep or eat for a whole week. It seemed like my whole world was crumpling down. Now I know I am not alone. Thanks for the responses

Hi all, I have been reading all the postings and replys here for the last two days, and I have to tell you how much it helped me to stay stronger and to keep my head up. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for religiously replying to those in need and comforting each and everyone posting here.

I give you a very brief outline of my situation. I was in a relationship with this most beautiful girl for a year and half and I was deeply in love with her. In December, I start seeing symptoms of withdrawal and the frequency of her calls dropped significantly. We work at the same place, but different departments. I came to find out that a new temporary employee has been entertaining her at work and she is quite enjoying it. She never went out with him or talked to him on the phone, but I found out that she was start having feelings for him. As much as I didn't want to do it, I confronted her, she admitted, I told her to have some room to think, and I broke it up on Christmas eve. (I know, bad timing, but was really furious). We talked for a long time and I admitted that I wasn't being responsive to her feelings when she was going through some tough times lately. But we started the relationship as I helped her to get through some very serious difficulties. We agreed to take a break to sort out things and be friends. To make it short, I hoped she would call me back but I realized she also wanted to get out of the relationship also. I went on a two week vecation to get away, didn't contact her, came back hoping she would call me, no calls, got really dissappointed and texted her. She said she wants to keep some distance until she don't feel so stressed out talking to me. Her email said she is feeling stronger everyday and need some time alone herself. I respected her decision. It seems like she is more proactive and energetic now that before.

This new guy's employement term was expired at the end of the year and he is gone from work. As far as I know, she is not going out with him and she told me to trust her one thing that she is not getting into any kind of relationship anytime soon. I still had the urge to call her and text her, but this site made me much stronger now. It has been more than a month now and i guess she wanted to breakup a long time ago. I was thinking about sending a valentines day card, nothing romantic, just a friend's valentines day card via postal mail to her house. Good Idea? (oh, ran into her last sunday at Barnes and talked for a few minutes) Any chance she might come back? I really liked her but I don't want to suffocate her if she can't stand me anymore. (we have our differences as well as likeness)

I love you all,

Thanks for such an outstanding voluntary counciling work.