msprague

Thanks, this is good.

Once bitten, twice shy? My trust issues are directly related to my previous long term relationship and the insecurities I have dragged like a boat anchor tied around my neck. I'm struggling to hold the fear and panic inside when my girlfriend sends me an email telling me she's leaving work early to go have drinks with the gang but doesn't ask me along. There's more to it than just that but in a nutshell her behavior is beginning to mirror the behavior of my ex-wife just before I discovered she was cheating on me. I can honestly say that I feel like damaged goods these days because of the distrust and jealousy I am feeling towards this woman I love so very much.

I just recently found out that my girlfriend of five years is having some serious doubts about our relationship. We've been solidly committed to each other for the full five year period we have been together and have never had any real problems to speak of. Anything we encountered we have been able to talk through and sort out. Over the past two or three months I have noticed a definite change in her attitude and behaviour towards me. It's a combination of things from her sudden disinterest in getting pregnant when it was extremely important to extended absense usually attributed to work. She has been discussing the problems with a friend extensively but I only found out something was up when I asked her what was going on recently and was there something we needed to talk about. She says she doesn't know what the problem is but she needs to have some space to think things out. She tells me she still loves me. Here's where I am having problems. I was married for ten years to a woman who behaved in a similar manner to my current girlfriend. She would leave early for work, she would arrive home late or have meetings or company functions that did not include spouses, she got a gym membership, she would go out with friends but not invite me to come along. Yes, I know, it all looks pretty bad but call me naive I really didn't notice a problem other than being frustrated at not being included. In the end I discovered she had been sleeping with someone from her office. We divorced. Enter the new girlfriend. The change in attitude, leaving early for work or coming home late, attending company functions that do not include spouse invites, and a lack of intimacy have started to happen following the same pattern as I experienced before only this time I am wide awake to the signs I saw before and it's pushing me into a panic. I am totally afraid to be on the receiving end of another heart break that I am loathe to experience. I have asked her point blank to end it quick if she has decided she no longer wants to be with me and that she should not prolong the relationship so as to "save me" any pain. I really can't do this again. At the same time I have no real reason other than my extreme insecurities and past history to lead me to believe she is doing anything other than working late or going in early. She is a very social person and that she would want to spend time with her friends is totally normal. Any thoughts? Any opinions? I have told her I will back off and give her whatever support and space she needs for as long as she needs it but the current situation has caused me such anxiety I'm at my wits end with fear of being hurt. At the same time I know it will not help her or me for me to confront her with my imagined thoughts. Help.