cinderella jones

wow you all have great views on this topic. I appreciate all of your advice so thank you. I guess I am just feeling that desire for a great change in life and I am a bit bitter that everyone else I personally know seemed to have gotten these men who just new automatically that they were in love so to speak..not too toot my horn or anything but this is a first for me to experience a man just not falling head over heels for me which is a part of why I am feeling unwanted so to speak. But I do take marriage very seriously and I want to make sure that the man I choose never hesitates his feelings towards me....so I guess that is why I don't get why he would want to live with me as opposed to just leaving it the way it is now.,..living apart....Onesexy lady is right though about me keeping busy and remembering that I too have my own personal life...so I agree with that statement...I am having trouble with that area in my life since everyone i know is married and are no longer available to hang with ...it's tuff being at this age and being single ...but I am hanging in there and again I appreciate everyones advice.....thank you

Thanks Raykay for the advice. I agree with you ...I know 5 months sounds too early to tell anything.... the only thing is although 5 months is too early to discuss marriage talks about living with me are causing me too think that he does take me seriously.....knowing how I feel about living together, he makes me think that he is ready for a something more serious. I've already lived with someone and it didn't work. It made me feel like i have been through a divorce already, so with that experience I am very careful not to make the same mistake again. He is great and I know he is different, but why discuss living with me if marriage is such a far picture? This coming from a man makes me feel like he can be laxadasical about us and I am just wondering if the signs of those traits are seeping through now. For me at my age I feel that people can make quick decisions about what they want because we have already experienced enough to know in advance if something can work...I guess this is why I am feeling uneasy..but don't get me wrong I am in no way claiming that he should set a date so to speak....I am simply saying that I think he should be able to at least say or know that I may be the one for him....after 5 months one should know if the person they are with is worth pursuing something more.....how long do you think it takes for a man to make that decision in his mind? Just curious....

I had dinner last night with this man that I am seeing. We have been seeing one another for 5 months now. He's great, handsome, and intelligent. The thing is we had that typical conversation about the fiuture and what our goals are. during the conversation he said some interesting things, but he basically said that marriage probably won't be in the picture for him for another couple of years. I was a bit taken back by this comment only because he has discussed the idea of living with me, and seemed so excited when talking about it. From the beginning of our relationship I mentioned to him how the decision to live with someone for me means that marriage is soon to come thereafter just because that is the point in my life where I am at. Knowing this he still discussed living with me. But after last night when he said that marriage won't happen for him for quite some time I began to think ..."how long does it take for a man to realize when the woman he is with is the one"? Does his comment to me about marriage mean ultimately that I am not the one?...Doesn't a man usually know who the one is instantly?...I am a bit upset today because for the first time after last nights conversation he made me question his intentions with me. I am not sure how to feel about this...I don't want to over react, but as a 32 year old woman time is of an essense for me when making such serious decisions about life. It's not that I am desperate or anything, but how much time can I give this person to realize that what he has is golden? I know it has only been 5 months...but waiting around for a couple of years to pass just seems a bit to scary and makes me feel as if he is not crazy about me...I don't want to go down another wrong road in my life....

yes he left actually and moved out....we had a cheating issue the first time we broke up but I forgave him...at that point i allowed him to move in...but after time passed i noticed he wasn't trying to committ...so I told him to move out or we move on...he decided to leave and so now ofcourse..he is once again knocking on my door and I feel foolish b/.c I feel after all that I still harbor these weird feelings ...and I know I shouldn't...it's dumb of me too ....but it exists and so although I have moved on...I can't seem to move on completely...yet I am angry at him for interrupting me again and dumping all of his feelings on me again...it sucks for me...but in your case he might actually be sincere in that he wasn't sure...I could understand that...my x said the same thing about it not being his place and all as well..he too is old fashioned and proud..so you may want to think about it...and also maybe there should be something else in the picture for you as far as comittment is concerned as well like a ring b/c that would give you those secured feelings again with him...just a suggestion...lol

Just curious ...did you guys ever have a trust issue besides him not being sure of your situation? Curious b/c I am going through something similar and sometimes I often wonder if I am crazy for even thinking of getting back with him....but in my case there was a trust bond that was broken....

why did you guys break it off anyway..was there a trust issue in question?...or was it simply that he wasn't ready for a such a serious relationship situation like living together?..Just curious b/c my story is very similar and my x is also now realzing that he made a mistake...the issue with me however is that I dont know how to trust him and am also finding myself questioning if it is possible not to be hurt by this person again...

sorry to hear your story. it sucks when these things happen because people I believe create comfort zones and don't know how to go about getting on with their lives when changes like this happen. It's hard to move on when feelings are still there somewhere. Sometimes you don't know what to make of those feelings and you begin to find yourself a little lost at times. I know for me this is what I am going through now. I have so many reasons to forget my X and yet I find myself thinking of that person and wondering how he is doing...did I make a mistake?..things like that...etc... sometimes i often wonder if love can be so powerful that you can actually still be in love with someone who has hurt you and vice versa...it's crazy to think that that could be the case...I have moved on and am now seeing someone ..but I have to admit that I do think of my x at times b/c we had such a strong connection...I still feel lots of anger still however and that's why I know that being apart right now is the best thing for both of us...I believe that although life goes on..somewhere at some point you will always think of your x b/c you loved that person at one point of your life....you just need to get at a point where you accept what has happened and hope that both of you will find happiness in your own ways....don't worry about friends and their lovers...you never know what is really going on..for all you know your friends might look at you like the grass is greener on your side......trust me on that one....

I like it....if your goal was to create a poem where it reflects a morbid feel to it then it worked...

I am not sure what you can titile it..but the title should definitely jump out to the readers enough to get them curious enough to want to read your poem.

i like your choice of words.....it shows great expression and boldness..

"I would beg on raw bloodied knees,

To feel a drop of affection from you, ...."

You are so beautiful….

Eyes like an angel…

A soul deeper than the sea

Your touch can be so soothing…or so it seems

Yet you lay next to me

Motionless in the dark

Revealing what we both already know

That we are just we…that there is you..

Then there is me

No mixing it seems

I'm just here

And you are just there

But I'm laying here quietly…

Yearning for the day

That we both lay in sync

Creating drum beats that flow

Like waves of rhythm between the sheets

Maybe we don't belong

To one another it seems

So do I choose alone once again

or together in hopes that we meet…?

I am not sure what you see in me

Your eyes seem so far away

Distracted with the things around you

Smiling at everything ..you see

Smiling at everything ..but me

You claim us to be strong

Painting pictures of the future

Acting is what it could be

Acting in this role you call "we"

You are so blind

Nowhere even close

to understand my sorrows

to understand those ghosts

that haunt me all throughout the night

whispering truths….

….that you are not here with me

….that you simply just don't see

….that this thing that you call "we"

….is just a fantasy

I wonder if you are more angry at the fact that your husband spends a lot more time on the computer and that his little fantasy is being used by you as not trusting him when in reality it could be that you don't feel close to him b/c he spends so much time talking to others on the net. I know my present boyfriend is always on the net- and although it is his career

(consulting) I personally often wonder if he enjoys talking to people he doesn't physically see more than me when I am around. Also I trust the man I am with now and I wouldn't want to suddenly realize that he has crushes and things like that with other women b/c that would mean that he is no longer on this pedestal I have put him on. So with that said I think you need to take him off of his..and realize that he is human like you and may find others attractive. It is not to say he doesn't love you but just that he physically finds someone else good looking. Again, it seems to me that you want him to pay more attention to you..talk with you more about things....at least I know that this is how I feel...I often tell my present boyfriend that he uses his Compputer as a a scapegoat...not always healthy....but I think that if you tell him to spendmore energy on you ...things can be different...also maybe you should also begin to talk about others you find attractive in front of him and see what his intial reaction is.....then if he doesn't like it ...u can tell him that he should now understand how you feel.....

I think you should ask her out for a friendly date ..like to get a cup of coffee. Play it cool and just go out with her on a get to know her basis. I know how you feel with the confidence issue. God knows I have been in many bad break ups...but the way to show confidence to her is by showing her just that ...show her your strengths through conversation ...just be yourself and reveal who you are without expressing anything fake. One of the things that happen when you give up on love is that you begin to think its you ..but its never you ...you can only be yourself...so love yourself enough to show that to others..before you can make anyone happy...be happy yourself first.

I don't know if anyone can relate but I am feeling really down lately and I am not sure how to get my act together without carrying all of this sadness around. I have been through many bad break ups and one in particular that happened last June. I finally cut this guy completely out of my life and presently I am seeing someone new. However, my ex and I had great chemistry and although he turned out to be a cheater I do miss that connection that we had. The new man in my life is great but I find at times that he is caught up in his own world and at times I feel slightly ignored. I don't think he means to be that way but I still think that he can acknowledge me a bit more and treat me as I should be treated because it is a new relationship and I can't help but feel at times that he acts as if I have been going out with him for years. Our relationship doesn't have that "I'm crazy about you feel to it"...ya know and although everyone is different and I am trying my best not to compare, I can't help but feel at times that my relationship should be a bit more exciting than this....I feel bad at times that I feel that way because he can be sweet when he shows it.; such as writing poetry to me. And although that is sweet, his actions when he is around me don't match what he writes about ( he writes about us in the future)... I have tried to talk to him about this but his reaction always seems to be that he doesn't know what to do about it...that he can just be himself and that's all.. I can't help but think that he should try a bit harder for me in a way that he makes me feel like he is crazy about me and can't stop thinking of me ..I am not sure why it is he thinks I over think things too much. It's hard as a woman my age to ask for that attention without feeling needy but he doesn't get that. It's bad enough that I don't see him during the week b/c he lives a bit far for that kindof travel back and forth so we try and keep it on the weekends...Also when we talk on the phone he hardly ever has anything to say but yet he can spend time chatting with his friends on line without thinking about how much time he is spending doing that. I wish at times he would just surprise me in some way to show that we see each other eye to eye...and as I said before although he can do sweet things at times, it just seems that those sweet things are done just to keep me quiet without complaints . I dunno what to do about this I am just tired of feeling depressed..and i don't want another failed relationship.......how do I work this out without sounding like a nag?....

i would leave him be but I don't think ignoring that will resolve anything...I mean we are both adults so we should be able to talk about these things especially since he seems serious about us ya know. I also am afraid that If ignore it ..it means I can be taken advantage of...I mean he might not bring up any issues with it b/c it could be a deeper issue on his part and I may be in the dark for too long about it...

I think it's a great letter and if anything it shows her that you are big person to reveal to her your faults and your weaknesses. Just saying I am sorry takes a lot of guts so this letter at least shows her that you do acknowledge her and that you aware of the hurt you caused her. I believe if anything she will at least be happy that you are attempting to exlain things to her even if it may be too late...but just be aware of that ...that although you are explaining things to her ..that is all it may be..but i do believe that it's a great letter and she deserves to read it. You are a big person for making this attempt!

yeah I have tried alcohol...but he seems the same..lol...He did tell me that he has hurt women in the past so he feels reluctant to get wilder in bed ..but I told him that he has not hurt me in anyway ..and that he should feel comfortable...he did tell me that he love when i talk to him..but i know he shys away from talking to me or getting loose with me...I am not sure how else i can approach the subject..

i am a very sexual person and I want to be satisfied and satify my partner as well....

There is this new man in my life who is really sweet and has a good heart. He is one of those men that I know would never hurt me. I really see that within him and trust that about him. The thing is when we are intimate he seems to be really shy with me. The weird thing about that is that he is gorgeous, and one would think that he would have no problems in that area, However, when we are intimate he wants to hear me talk and I do..i love too talk...but when i ask for the same thing from him he shys away. He has GREAT equipment if you know what I mean...so I want our sexlife for this reason to be awesome..but I feel like he may not know how to use his equipment properly..and that he definitley shys away from being uninhibited with our sex life...how do I handle this?...I try to talk to him about it but he gets all weird and acts like there is no problem..I don't want to demasculate him in anyway so how do i speak with sensitivity?...I want to teach him how to be with me because everyone is different ya know...but honestly (and this is to all the women out there- he is HUGE)...I love it...but he hasn't had too many relations with people and I feel needs to learn how to use it..lol....Someone please give me some feedback...do "huge" guys have problems because they are too HUGE????

So let me ask all of you something...right now I am seeing someone who is not that communicative but does project his interest in living with me and wanting a future with me....when he does communicate....However right now he is struggling financially and I am aware that he is in a bind presently in his life...but I am a hopelesss romantic and I believe that you should love someone based on them alone and nothing else..So I have been really good with him in a sense that I am understanding and am not expecting things from him. Now we usually tend to see each other only on the weekends because we live about 40 minutes away from one another....problem is I feel like I am always going to see him and it can get uncomfortable b/c he lives with his sister and brother and quite frankly when I am there he is sometimes working on his commputer and then i find myself hanging wit his sister more so then with him unless we are watching a movie in his room...now..I have my own place..but he claims he can't always come to me because his car needs fixing and he needs to use his car only when he sees his clients...until it gets fixed he doesn't want to come to me...now I am an understanding person but I feel like I am constantly being the understanding one and yet he won't compromise....am I asking for too much...am I complaining when I do not have to?...I am not sure if I am being ridiculous about this..and I am upset because over IM he exploded at me when i suggested he come down to see me....he made it seem as if I don't understand his situation....but I do..i just don't get why he can't come down and then we can use my car once he is here when we go out...but again he made my request seem as if I am not thinking of him....what do I do about this?...DO I have a right to be pissed at his emtional outburst to me..???

You guys are all so right..I know...just not speaking with him or picking up the phone when he calls is what I need to do. I am angry at myself for opening that door again...I feel like he has something over me now because by allowing him to talk with me I feel allows him to believe that I am not happy presently in my life..in other words I showed him that I was still willing to talk to him...and for that I am angry....so just like you 2smart i get what you mean when u wrote "(I figured that out after more times than I care to admit...well into "tens of times" possibly "hundreds of times"...) I feel the same way..like I never learn....I feel even more down because the man I am talking to presently showed me a mean side to him today and so with all of that on top of everything else I feel really lonely....why can't I meet someone who is stable in all ways ..I don't mind those little imperfections...but at least someone who is honest and noble ..ya know....I feel so down..

...I am so pissed at myself ...I allow my ex to express himself to me over IM and like a sucker I get all caught up in having conversation with him...at one point of the conversation I realized that my apartment was getting flooded b/c of all of the rain and I told him that I had to get off the phone because of that. He expresses all of this concern but yet when I got off IM he doesn't bother to call me once or anything to see how i am doing that night...So like a fool I called him and he didn't pick up....that night I felt really uneasy about that...and so I called him the next day from my job...again...he didn't pick up...finally he calls me that night and claims he didn't hear the phone...and then acts as if he doesn't get whY i called him..meanwhile in my mind I am thinking to myself "didn't we just talk" ..and didn't you just say all of these things to me about us and how you are so worried and concerned about me..and yet I don't even get a call to see how I am handling the flood...anyway I realized that he is not mentioning that he was with someone else that night and is acting as if he has no idea why I would be calling him...( I feel like he bated me and I tricked somehow ).. it is like when he talks to me he bates me..and when I finally bite..he yanks away the bate ..ya know what I mean?...I decided that I am no longer going to speak with him and am cutting it completely off.....I am just angry because I feel as if I didn't get my last word in...and I gave him back the power in our last conversation....is there a way where I can get the power back and just finalize things with him once and for all..I know this sounds like a game...but I can't help but feel manipulated by him and I want to give him a taste of his own medicine...can someone help me conjure up something so that he feels my wrath????? I am so mad right now....

Thanks Kell bell for your advice now and previously....u sound so strong...wishing I was feeling this way now...lol

HI YES,

You are both right. And New Guy you are right about choosing and doing right by that person. Trust me I hate feeling this and even thinking about it. I have been honest to my current b-friend about how my x keeps in touch so he is aware of him. Also, I love the new man in my life because he is warm and kind and would never want to hurt me. The only reason why I question it is because financially he is really unstable and I am afraid he is use to people doing things for him. - He lives with his family and I notice those latino tradional ways that I believe he is use to. I am not sure how I feel about that. I also have told my ex time and time again that I am with someone that I love, but like I said he is persistent and really claims that he has changed and that it would be ashame to throw it all away. I am still angry at him, and I also do not know if I can trust him. But we do have this connection. I wish the new guy were more stable financially only because we just started going out and I already see this financial problem as a strain in our lives. This is why I think I may be misplacing my emotions..because I guesss I feel that issue with age and marriage and it is making me feel anxiety. I appreciate the voice of a guy and woman with advice though....any other words or advice on how I can be stronger?

Hi Guys,

I was wondering if anyone out there can make me feel better. Just recently my x has been trying to get me back. I am now seeing someone new but I still have this connection with my x that is haunting me. The problem with the x is that we broke up on account of his womanizing ways. He is an insecure person for reasons that I am aware of however I know that those are no excuses for his behavior. We have been broken up for over a year now, however he keeps in touch with me every once and a while and again is trying his best to claim he is a changed person who finally grew up. I wouldn't find him so haunting accept that his mom baby sits my nephew and makes it hard for me to move on in a clean break sort of way. Just yesterday however my x told me that he doesn't think he should keep talking to me and has finally decided to not to keep in touch anymore. I am not sure if this is his manipulativce ways at work with me or am I the one who wants him around..If this is the case...what is wrong with me...am I fooling myself about him...physically we are great and I guess I don't have that same connection with the guy I am seeing now..although I love this man because of his heart. Can someone help me figure out what I am feeling? or what to do?

Hey,

wow you sound like me when i was in an eight year relationship. I am truly sorry for your pain. I know that feeling all too well. I was once in a relationship that lasted for eight years and I actually physically caught him in bed with another woman. Trust me when i tell you that when you catch them in the act it is a whole different ball game. Anyway i was hurt for a very long time. I couldn't motivate myself to do anything and i began gaining weight. Once I realized that I got really angry..not only at him..but at myself for allowing someone else who didn't care about hurting me continue hurting me and not allowing myself to be happy which is what i deserved. I just realized that I was beautiful both inside and out and that there was more in store for me in life than drama, and dealing with feelings of insecurity about myself. I grew tired of my weak ways and I began to realize that it was him who actually lost out on someone wonderful...you have to realize and have faith in yourself that you are the prize..not him.. You should always be the prize...remember that! Don't allow him to make you feel insecure about yourself....don't give him that power...women are the powerful one's....and when you learn to use your power you can then begin to rise above all of this and drive your life the way you want it driven....Also remember that nothing good will come out of a relationship that started off with drama. This girl might be here now...but she too will be just another woman to him...people like him never change.....again ..I have been hurt many times before and when you are ready you will begin to learn a lot about yourself and will begin to go for those qualities you are looking for in life and in a relationship. PM me whenever you want to chat ...I have a lot of knowledge about this...lol...take care of yourself.