sibling295

good job my man !!!

Lots to be thankful for - A friggin truckload !!

A good woman will only compliment your happiness - it may be your ex it may not. But trust me - a good man is hard to find , be that great MAN. Everyday, my friend.

ocd - geez man - love is fickle - i dont know the answers - not at all.

But I do know that man she did want to come to you .She did . But something stops her. Something says NO inside of her. You just have to keep going on. Look she has the child that loves you , i know that kid misses you and prob asks about you allot. But you cant contact her - you just cant - that NO inside her mind has to quiet down first - just keep staying positive .. Keep up the confidence - take walks - work out - whatever releases stress. From now on I only want to read posts from you that are positive - kay?? You cant control her - or her thoughts - you must let go.. Let go ... If she comes back then great. But she broke upwith you - she has to come back.

i in no way cheated on my boyfriend (actually he is still my ex) i flirted with this guy - but i flirt with myself more! we were all with our friends there was no alone time. there is no need to even talk to him again. I am an attractive and vibrant woman. thats just the way it is. My ex is quite aware of this. although i will admit - i should not drink that 4rth glass of wine lol!!!!

anyway - my ex comes home tonight - i may not see him - this week is gonna be crazy at work - like 16 hours each day till Thursday. I hope he keeps up the nice words. When we were together - i found myself suffocating him. I was such his friggin puppy puppet. I just want him to shower me with affection now. I know it takes time though .... oh well off to the gym.

sib

lion guy - hang in there buddy - start thinking positive , okay . Force yourself to smile even when you dont want to. Stop thinking about her - start thinking about yourself.

ocd - i am sooooo proud of you for not caving in in front of her. Trust me her wheels are spinning too. breathe just breathe - do not contact her - she must come back to you. You hear me - SHE must come back to you. Please just continue what you are doing - keep up with the confidence. dont back down now -

oh no = saw one of the guys i met while out this evening... it was random - he was there with friends - we hung out - maybe i do like him..... confused

.... here i go again....

Well its the first weekend - him gone - me home

i didnt expect to hear from him - but he just called - it didnt seem like he was checking up on me - more to talk - and i am home.

Of course now i feel like going out... i was asleep , he woke me up .

I called my best friend - she is out at a resteraunt - i think i might go. I mean i am going.

its funny - i am seeing allot of new threads about ppl going out - dating others- making up partners - stuff like that . When i was going thru my ordeal i felt like the only one doing that. My feelings are that when he dumped me - even though i was heartbroken like crazy - it wasnt going to stop me seeing other men. I never made anyone up to make my ex jealous - i might have gone overboard and met like 5 guys , but it was all for the same reason. I had to get over him. In my mind he wasnt coming back. So out i went to feel good again.

anyway i felt everyone was against it. when my ex came back it took another 2 days for me to stop seeing other people . then i realized i had to stop and focus on us. But it was an ordeal - sometimes i have had to fake my confidence - but in the end i always came thru. I am not against anyone of these pppl going out- I say do it!!!!! You have to stop worring about your ex - and start living your own life. They ARE!!!

anyway i just seem to see it allot now on this forum. When i went thru my time , it all was an eye opener-----

thats all must eat now - write later

sib

hey trauma - keep writing PLEASE!!!

i like the small business idea - any other thoughts how to do it?

AMEN MAN!!!!!!!

I wish i could write out my feelings properly - but you said it straight up!!!!!

greenowl88 - I live in LA - most of the strippers here (actually i take that back most of the strippers in general) that I have seen, IN MY OPINION, were actually really pretty. Fake boobs , skinny , fat whatever ... def have had HARD lives and look like it. I personally dont have a prob with them , and you sound like even though you wish otherwise - you will get through this just fine. I like the idea of you doing something yourself first, yah know???!!! Like finish him off before he goes out to the party..

Sounds sick but i think i might take that approach when it comes my time. Dont worry about it - let him have his stupid fun - he loves you . He's marrying you. Lay out ground rules like the NO physical contact thing - take care of him yourself and then send him off to his childish fun.

I hope you are going to have a party yourself too, RIGHT????

well lets see - the past three days have been great with the ex-

we did have a bit of a scuffle the other day - i came out of the shower to him reading my diary! oh god - well anyways he already new everything. He still said last night in bed "I wish when we were broken up you could of just stayed home on the weekends and like read a book or something instead of going out and meeting guys" I pretty much just started laughing.... Which made him chuckle too.

In the past our relationship was pretty much me suffocating him. I feel excited to continue loving my life and considering him the cherry on the sundae.

Oh and i also expressed that i felt he never complimented me or was ever romantic - he also read this rant in my diary - its funny cause last night before sleep he said " i am very lucky to have such a beautiful girlfriend"

simple and sweet thats all i ever wanted from him. Maybe knowing other men found me attractive caused him to wake up. i dont know - whatever

there is one problem i foresee coming up. he has to leave town the next 3 weekends in a row till thanksgiving. And he knows i will be at home. I want him to trust that i wont be out meeting other guys - i am not sure what to do. One of my friends is having a party and i want to go. Right now the issue of me going out is tricky. He was really sooooo upset and jealous and insecure about these guys i met. Maybe just because its important for our relationship - because its so new again, i will just stay home . maybe i should read a book!! hahaha lol

I have been doing allot of thinking about the marriage thing also. I really want to get engaged but i know i cant press the issue. Maybe i will just keep going till like the new year or something. i dont know - i should just calm down! He told me married men die younger last night - we laughed about that - but today i found a website that says married men live longer than single men. I am laughing because i want to email it to him. I know he would take it as a joke - but maybe i shouldnt anyway.....oh well lol

He still is responding greatly to my new self confidence in this relationship - he has started calling me now during the day from work. I used to be the one calling him. I guess it shouldnt matter anyway- He loves me - i love him - we trust eachother - (well you know!) its just different now. Maybe because we broke up was actually a GOOD thing!! i am trying to find movies about breaking up then getting back together - thats what i should do these next few weekends. watch a movie.

Oh and the make up s8x is awesome!!! Dear GOD THANK YOU!!!!!

later,

sib

exactly!!!

this is not over with - calmdown.

go out with this girl and have fun !!!! SMILE AND ACT CONFIDENT

Oh Geez - If you dont go out with this girl and have a great time - I will!!! Just kiddin- hahaha......

I dont think you understand - I did tell my ex!!

He was hurt - but we have decided to keep working things out -

Its not easy though - i am still scared he will run again -

Also I mentioned that yeah , i did see other guys that weekend - but i am not now. Thats all done and over with .

I still say - had i not put my foot down and move on (act confident)- he would have never come back.....

thanks!

Sib

echo - just the fact that you said you are starting to move on - will change everything, believe me - now just go on and do it!!!

For me - i had to really do it - yah know - i gave up hope on us - i pretended that he didnt even exhist. So naturally - he came back .

I just spoke to my ex about this - He said when i was doing NC with him - and when i was ignoring him - it made him sad - and he felt like I "was moving on" . He said it depressed him . He also was hearing that i was going out though and dating -

But i would recommend NC - it makes them miss you ....

Hello enotalone's

First of all let me get something clear:

I in no way shape or form meant that everyone could not get dates. I meant that SPECIFICALLY for two people whose replies to me were outright nasty. One of them informed me of where they were coming from and i then understood and the other still feels the need to be weird- whatever....-so please do not let one bad apple ruin the whole batch.

What I have gone thru in my break up has really been up and down. But i did learn that time didnt stop - the world didnt end.

Perhaps my way of moving on I.e. going out allot - meeting lots of guys - is not the way for some -

but it really helped my self confidence because i was sooo distraught when my ex got scared and took off. After all the begging and pleading - i decided that 50% of him was not enough.Yeah he wanted to remain friends and keep up contact - but i wouldnt do that.

When he finally came back - it took me the weekend to figure things out but i am ready to give it my all.

Confidence is key here - well in my situation - Had i not been lets say aloof - while he was trying to have contact with me - he wouldnt of felt the pressure to really go out of his way.

Not all relationships work out in the end - everyone is different - situations are different - but what has gotten me thru it all and even tomoorw is what I call "the smile" I smile everyday - i am a valuable and wanted and awesome woman and I smile . He saw this - he told me last night - they pick up on it , trust me.

Always always be confident when dealing with the ex's. Imagine you are the hot ticket - you could take them or leave them.

Of course , when you are back together - things must cool down. I am seeing that now. It must always remain equal respect and forgiveness!!!

I am now concentrating on being kind to him , and to forgive. Still scared , but i never forget to smile....

Biacd - I dont have a problem with hearing everyone's advice - hence why i am here !

But i do have a problem with certain few because i dont see why they would say such things as - your disgusting - glad he broke up with you blah blah ....

I am only being honest and heartfelt when i say "I am scared" I personally would never attack someone like that - lots of posters here write with compassion and i try to do the same .

anyways - Saw the ex last night - we had it out basically - he said he knows i went on a date SAt. . we talked and cried and talked and cried.

He asked me to stop seeing other men - focus on us - I agreed .

when i left his house this morning , he actually made plans for us to have dinner tonight. I still feel scared that he might run again , but , i guess, i cant be afraid of the future . I do love him , i love him allot. and i am glad he came back - but i dont know if he would of - had i not done the 360 .

thanks

sib

okay DN and Tiredman - What is up??????

Both of you sound more angry and bitter than me!!!

whats up ????

I feel this forum is a place of freedom and solace - Not a place where two bitter men who cant get a date ATTACK someone who is just being honest and trying to work out confusing emotions .....

DN to say something like "this is why he broke up with you in the first place " is probably the worst possible thing to say - I have always expressed that i was human - that i have faults - i have a right to come here and express myself -

I would prefer if neither of you EVER reply to my threads again.

hello there - enotaloner's-

well i do hear and completely understand what everyone is saying... please do not think that i dont...

i think it was hope who said that i can't forgive him for breaking my heart .. and thats the truth...

You see we were soooo good together --- there was no abuse - no 3rd person - we laughed all the time - I wanted to get engaged/married - he got scared - then dumped me. btw- he just turned 40 - I am early thirties...

I know he has come back now - but to be honest - he scares me... what if he does it again?? sometimes when i think about him - i get very very insecure about our love.

So what i am doing is like a self preserve thing. I know it upsets some pple and i agree its immature , unhealthy , whatever i am not dumb - i know it could lead to disaster - but actually i am already there in disaster - i mean he broke up with me - he stopped believing , he cut the ties between our innocent love - now its no longer innocent and magical- its tainted - does this make sense?

anyway - my date was awesome last night -NO PHYSICAL CONTACT - he dropped me off and said he couldnt wait to see me again. I told him , well i will call you during the week.

I am supposed to go to lunch today with that other guy - but he hasnt called - i dont care really if he does or doesnt. I havent called my ex yet today - I may not - he should call me really so i am not. even though i told himi would call him today.

I dont know if you can ever have the innocense back - the magic i mean , but i am not going to call my ex and tellhimi am secretly seeing other men - i amgoing to wait it out - at least a few more weeks. We will see .

I do appreciate everyones thoughts - even tiredman who is ready to call my ex and tell him!!!

Raykay -

But he will never know about the other men , NEVER.... I am taking all precautions to make sure , trust me.

i am sure this isnt making my character sound any better.....

What happens if these dates fail, you realize you want him back and he says no because of the actions you are making today?

NJ - okay this makes me think , but he doesnt know i am fooling around... and honestly , he wont find out.

and i have been thinking about well what if i do want him back and do want to stop seeing other guys ... i am prepared to lie in the grave i am digging - yah know.

I am prepared because you just dont know with love - yah know - nobody knows if everything all the time will work out. Look at Jennifer aniston/brad pitt/angelina??? okay bad example - but i am serious - who really knows????

I am not going to tell him this weekend - i am going out now with a big smile on my face - for goodness sakes - i am meeting a really hot guy tonight!!! and if my ex and i are really meant to be - then YES - annie was right he does have to work harder than i do on US.

God i hate when other people are right!!!!!

BTW-NJ - maybe no one will agree with me - but i say stop everything you are doing with your ex - do the 360 move .

i see everyone's point of view -

But i just am not there yet...

My plan is to get through this weekend - what i mean is ,i plan on having fun.

My ex just sent me a pic of him and his nephew(via phone) - they are at his families party - he invited me ,but thats when i said i was going out with the girls .... I amnot gonna reply to it. In fact i am leaving my cell at home tonight.

My date called , we are meeting around 10 pm at a local bar/rest.

He is reallyyyy good looking , i am very excited -

BTW - my girlfriends keep saying to me that what i am doing is perfectly fine - i mean we arent exclusive again , i said NO , i agreed to take our time to see how it all works out. Okay - so -he would be hurt if he knew i was messing around with other men ,but really - my friends agree - he needs to jump thru hoops to win me back -

does anyone see my point of view at all???

I mean why should i call him -what would i say??? "Oh - you deserve better than me - i am seeing other guys - " I just dont understand why everyone here thinks i should do that??

I feel confident and i am sooooooo much better offf than when i was crying every night and analizing every word out of his mouth. I stopped all contact with this guy - I turned it around - yah know - i MADE it impossible for us to have contact with out him having to GO completely out of his way to even talk to me. In other words , i drove him crazy ... why should i stop now???? Just because he cried and said i made a mistake ?? NO WAY , MAN - why is this bad???

Does anyone agree with me????

DN -

first of all - i really appreciate you and anyone else taking your time to respond to my posts - even if we all dont agree!!!

But what do you mean "Live with my decision?"

DN - he dumped me , he stopped believing in us, I didnt. I believed!!!

Then all of a sudden , when HE decides , geez,i do love her , I am supposed to go running back with open arms???

I know this sounds weird - but Yes tiredman is right - I am looking to see if their is something better out there - and keeping him in my back pocket .

There is also another guy too. He called last night and i told himi could go to lunch with him on Sunday.

I know i am playing around - but I AM SINGLE!!!! I am honest with all the guys except my ex - who doesnt know i slept with another guy while we were broken up. But i did tell him i was dating- although he knows - we have mutual friends.

Also I seem to be getting off by him chasing me again. Andi dont mean like he calls me - i never callhim -

I mean - I am just plain CRUEL to him - why am i doing this?????

oh well - i am excited to see this guy tonight.

well i am still confused....

But i am still going out with this other guy tonight.

My ex called me bright and early this morning "just to say hello "

i told him to call me tomorrow - he was perfectly fine on the phone.

i am trying to figure out what exactly i am doing.... Is being desirable to other men , like getting me off , and not in a positive way ???

well - still i feel like , i dont know , maybe i do want to punish my ex for dumping me.......