sibling295

Well , many on this thread know my story -

dating 2 years , he dumped me ,broke up for 2 months, got back together its been since a little before thanksgiving.

Anyway things are good except old story still creeping in. I want to get married. He knows this . And well on News Years Eve guess what happened- a real story out of a horror flick. His best friend gets on his knees and PROPOSES to his girlfriend. I was in shock . He had a beautiful ring and everything. I was in shock. They have only been dating a year . I was in shock.

Anyway if you all can imagine i am still in shock.

Why not me ? He came back , he didnt want me to be with another man.I know he loves me. Why wont he do it????

i have brought it up since news years - he says we are not ready.

Oh i am soooo tiffed.

Anyway - i have some new goals here this year. No more being his servant. I told him forget me cleaning his house or doing hios laundry. He can afford a housekeeper - i told him to hire someone. I amnot his wife, so i wont do it. Boy did he seem unfazed. He was like okay i will call someone in then. No big deal. UGGGGHHHHH....

We are fairly new getting back together. Although things are good i just cant get over this. I want to have a family. This was a major concern and part of the reason he broke up with me. We are talking allot of things out now and i am learning on how to compromise , but i cant get over this.

I am still in shock over the proposel. I cant believe it . She is soooo lucky today. I am dwelling on this. This morning when we woke up , i was like oh god she is looking down on her ring right now. Its not fair. He and i have been dating longer. And we are getting along so well . ughhhhhh.........

He is 40 years old, why wont he commit to marriage.

I refuse to move in with him. So that will never happen. I want a ring first i told him. Oh and the past 2 weeks he has been talking about buying a new boat . HELLO???? Inside my mind , all i can think about is why not spend that money on a ring.

I really need help in how to deal with this. Its driving me crazy !!!! Seriously i am very unhappy. I want to stop acting like a child , but its hard.

any suggestions?

Sib

stay tough ocd , def answer when she calls again!!!

BTW- I read your new years eve post - FUNNY!!!!!

Man i was pretty drunk too . Read my new post - give me your thoughts - i need your help too now , my friend.

sib

Telling someone you are moving on, or that you refuse to stay in a holding pattern is NOT an ultimatum..it is standing up for yourself. Telling THEM what to do is an ultimatum...and something that rarely works.

This OCD i have to agree with. BTW- Happy New Year Man!!!!

Listen , the whole situation sucks ...... But You Must stand up for yourself , I am glad to hear she is callin and i think you not answering is perfect. You are not some pathetic fool hanging around the phone. You have a life . If she wants to compliment it then great. Otherwise some other woman will. Wait till she calls you again. Dont call her. Keep it aloof. Stay strong and hang in there. Happy new year my friend.

Sib

Send the email after New Years - keep it short - this is what dating is all about . The nervousness , the what if's everything.

Glad to hear you are back in the game , getting over a ex is hard .

It takes time , trust me , tell your boyfriend to never worry about it again. You willhandle yourself just fine.

This , in my opinion, does not make you a doormat. It makes you a girlfriend who wants to make your boyfriend happy. He is not asking you to kiss anyone's feet - just wants you to watch the remarks.

BTW- You shouldnt of tried the coat on . My opinion only .

I am in the entertainment industry myself. Its been about 15 years now.

At first - i was horrible in situations like that too.

I laugh at what i said and did now.

What woke me up was when i basically gossiped about a well known star to a reporter. Oh God , i was mortified!!!!! My b/f at the time was the star's best friend. Thank god nothing was printed and she never found out. But boy did i get it . anyway - in time i learned a few manner's that have not only led me up the ladder but have taught me to be respected.

Drop worring about your b/f friend. Tell your b/f he creeps you out and leave it at that. As long as this guy doesnt stalk you or something just tell yourb/f and drop it. Not worth the drama.

You are creating allot of this drama too. Get over it. Respect yourself, respect your b/f and move on with your life.

Like i said the - it took me sometime to figure out mannerisms when i was at a social event with celebrities , but now I am paid HIGHLY . So see I learned and i was a wreck!!!!!!!!! OH god i have some funny stories of the stuff i said and did!!!!!!!!!

Think positive - you will be just fine.

Yep Poco-

My b/f and i just got back together and for xmas we said we would only exchanged gifts we only REALLY needed.

And he WROTE me a love letter.

That letter is gonna get him a GOOD time for the rest of our lives, I swear!!!!!

As much as i love poco's reply's - i am going to have to disagree on this one.

First of all i dont think you are acting like a good boyfriend at all.

"You are very wealthy and she isnt so a shopping spree is a big treet????"

I understand that you (both) are 19 but cmon......

I am not saying that her behavior is acceptable - but i think she is just reacting to your actions.

Call her !! Remember things!!! Get that palm pilot for sure.

Just my opinion ,but i amnot sure you are such the prince charming here.

Try being a little more sensitive. Loving.

That doesnt mean spending money on her - i mean simple little lovey things.

Good luck

Sib

Yeah Mikey - i am going to have to agree with poco on this.

This girl is just using you.

Why in the world are you offering shopping trips , cab services , honey of course she will accept these things. Doesnt mean she is a changed women.

You should offer her nothing. Yes NOTHING.

And the only way you should take her back is if she comes to you begging for forgiveness , goes into couple counceling and wears a chasity belt.

Please Mikey , she is young immature and playing you for a fool.

Everyone knows this. Even her boss??? Geez, Mikey - stand up for yourself.

Grab ahold of a backbone - DUMP HER

She kissed another man in front of you????? My God , Mikey, that is just LOW CLASS. You deserve soooo much more - please think about how to move on from this girl, rather than wanting her back.

All my thoughts,

Sib

well i am pretty much connected to my cell 24/7 . (work related)

I only suggest to bring it because , i dont think it should matter.

Ocd knew when he contacted her that he was taking a chance. he said he was prepared for it to not work out. I am following that whole mind set.

I know its been tough , ocd, i know you love her - but its time to be stronger now -

Why would you leave your phone at home , if you would normally carry it , all because OF HER??? Thats crazy . Cmon , be strong its a new year , you deserve sooooo much more.

now if you would normally not always have your phone - then yeah , no big deal leave it - BUT STOP LETTING HER DICTATE YOUR ACTIONS.

You are broken up - you are single now - maybe a little something something might call you? Maybe you will meet someone in San Antonio and how will she get ahold of you- does this make sense?

Thats what i mean about not taking your phone.

When my ex dumped me - after i was thru with the cryin i switched chairs and stopped him from dictating how i was gonna feel. Or what i was gonna do.

I am thankful he came back , but i am telling you the minute i stopped giving him soo much power - that was when i moved on.

By the way - my ex came back to me too - but never would i have stayed if he wasnt 100% commited to me and to us.

and let me tell you - he really try's everyday. we still argue - we still dont see eye to eye on everything but we are commited to us.

I really think you should think about what he says to you...

I am gonna have to agree on that being a messed up thing to say.

Why in the world would you want to be with a guy who isnt crazy about you?

You are only 20 - i hated when people said this to me , but you are still young.

Turn the tables right NOW. Stop chasing a guy who is waiting or expecting to meet someone better.

Concentrate on your life - what makes you happy .

Stop chasing a guy who is waiting or expecting to meet someone better.

Hey NJ -

Sorry to hear about this- but its a New Year now !!

Start thinking positive about yourself. Start smiling in the mirror whenever you feel down. Maybe it just wasnt meant to be - maybe HE ISNT THE ONE.

Great , now you can have the relationship you want.

Get excited about this new year !!!!!

Do your best to forget him - i know you dont agree with going out with other men ( I have to say it worked for me , though) So hang with your girlfriends - get your hair done - whatever - do your best to get over him.

Also what worked for me was i imagined he was in a coma. So of course their was no contact .

Tell yourself everyday " I am a great catch , any man would be lucky to be with me "

My b/f and i are back but i still say this to myself everyday. I add in "forever" too sometimes...(due to my desire for marriage)

anyway keep your chin up girl.

Life is by no means over yet!

I bet you meet a real nice guy soon.

all my thoughts,

sib

Happy Holidays OCD!

I dont think you should leave your phone , cmon man you are stronger than this. You were prepared for it to not work out.

Its a New Year coming - lots of great things ahead for you. Love yourself right now - stay tough - stay strong.

Way to go !!!

hang in there thru the holidays!!!! keep close to this site!!

i wouldnt send a card - but do whatvever you want.

I almost feel sorry for her when she does call you again. LOL!!

Lay it on the line for her ..." NO MORE WISHY WASHY GAMES...

Either we work on us or we move on completely"

Sorry i meant your reply before that one.!!!

Stay tough like that!

Oh Geez - OCD -

thump thump - did i just hear you sticking up for yourself????????

Do you realize thats your first MAD posting?

This is the first time i hear you actually say" I dont deserve this !"

After her calling you out of nowhere - you responding - her not responding - I could safely say that i dont believe you should send her a card.

And I DO think that when ever she comes around again - you should be FIRM and say enough is enough .

I know you love her - but you were prepared for all of this, remember?

So continue forth , my friend.

You are a awesome man and one lucky lady will see that.Maybe more than one?LOL!!!

Be firm with her - what could you lose at this point.

Keep dating - It worked for me!!!

Hey OCD - i am home..

Well so last thursday night was last contact. She said she would call you back. Its monday now, hmmmm..

I think you answered all your own questions in your post. Maybe she is busy with her child, her mom. Maybe she is just unsure.

I am glad to hear you went on a date. Keep that up!!! You cant call her again. She has to contact you now. She clearly is not making any sense..

Why would she call you like that and want to start talking again , then act this way. Boy - thats just frustrating. But you were ready to be let down, remember. You were ready to move on. And honestly , you made your move , you called her , you texted her, now she must take the next move.

keep dating other women though- hang with friends , stay positive. We have a new year coming up - its gotta get better!!!

I am having my own situation too right now.

Big fight last night when i got home. Regarding New Years Eve plans......

I just dont understand love at the moment.....

Hang in there , man. Lets stay positive....

ocd-

my sister has a child. A boy. She was married for 5 years - divorced , single , dated for almost 2 years when she met a great guy. They were awesome - he was awesome with my nephew too. Then she broke up with him because she got scared, felt like didnt want to go thru hurt feelings again.

Anyway - he was really upset. He tried and tried. she got kind of mean also. Things are said in the heat of the moment .

Well time went on for like 6 months. My nephew was devistated also. Poor little guy

After 6 months she was called me and confissed that she was heartbroken and made a terrible mistake. I was like " serves you right , he was awesome" But truth is she was just scared (kind of like my b/f)

I ran into him at a club here in LA about 2 weeks after that. He was dating this horrible model friend of mine. anyway he told me she was just a rebound. He missed my sister Lara. So she called him one night , and they talked for like 3 hours. She waited and waited and waited for him to call - but he never did . She left him a few messages ,he never returned her call.

I saw him recently on set - he said he was waiting for her to call him.That she had to really prove herself. ( mind you I said the same thing about my boyfriend, too) The thing is its hard for my sister - she is basically all alone w/ a child. Its a different life. He comes first , and thank god, but its not like your average single life. I think you understand what i mean here. There are sacrifices she has to make- and she doesnt enter relationships lightly. Yet she is still human and has faults.

They havent connected yet to date. He wont call. He is acting foolishly. I know he loves her. I am working with him on a tv show now , and i see it in him. BTW - he has moved on to another pyscho model chick.

I think its a shame because they were sooo great - the THREE of them , and because of ego's - games-pride they arent together today.

The same could of happened with my b/f and me. He showed up one night - made his plea and I called him the next morning. I CALLED HIM.

Now everyone is different yes - no two relationships are the same, yes

THIS IS ONLY MY OPINION -YES

But sometimes i really think we ALL act foolish - MYSELF INCLUDED

Life is too short to be miserable

Why not call her - why not it be a total natural act.You call your friends , right?

I know , I know , it doesnt help in your healing process.

I say just dont wait to long...

I know no one else will agree with me, but i have gotten back the love of my life - and Lara and Jackson( my nephew) have a huge hole missing now.

It just tears me up inside.

Whatever you do , I wish you luck , OCD

I will check in and read your posts when i come home in about a week.

Take care and happy holidays to everyone!

Sib

ocd- first of all - i think if you keep thinking positive what ever the outcome - you will be just fine. Keep thinking about how what a great guy you are. How any women would be lucky to have you in their life . Please keep this as a mantra. Please. Soon you will just think it automatically , i swear to you.

Next , now i have been thinking. So she told you to call her cell so her child wont get confused. First of all i think that is awesome. I mean what a great mom. She is obviously thinking not only of herself but of her child's well being. That is very cool. She deserve's props for that. I mean some women out there just act irrational in front of their children and she is not.

So - my point- Maybe she is not calling you because like by the time she gets home - she is always with the kid. Or when the kid falls asleep and that is her time to call , she either falls asleep or her mind has changed to call you. Now this is not a bad thing , necissarily(spelling?) . I mean we are all insecure , she is too , trust me. Maybe she feels like she made the first attempt now she feels like you need to.

I dont know

I just think that this statement about being mindfull of her child has something to do with not calling you.

Perhaps you could call her cell ..... think about it.

just my 2 cents...

Not every ex has bad intentions... i mean we are all human.

Whatever you do - please stay positive , you are a great guy.

with her or with out her....

your friend,Sib

ocd - well how's it goin ????

Robert , i went to your link. From your picture , you seem like an attractive man. So my question is why are you even doing this ad? When i read "about the author" I seem to gather enough information on your financial status. What does this tell me? Well good looking man + rich = SCORE!!!

Now , honestly , Robert " wow's his audience" Campbell is this the type of women you want? No. A 5 page ad will only attract women who are looking for an easy life and cold hard cash.

I know , I was once one of them.

Try the brief ad , it shows much more class.

BTW- just because you mention not caring about a women's weight , doesnt make you soulmate material.

You sound very interesting , I know the right women will come along when you least expect it.

i cant even think ... i keep deleting advice ...... maybe i will sleep on it... start a new thread though for sure......

HEY GUESS WHAT ??? SHE GOT A CLUE!!!!!!

OH MY GOD!!!! I WANT TO FRIGGIN DIE!!!!! I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO WRITE TO YOU OCD - I AM JUMPING FOR JOY AND CANT STOP!!!!!!!!!!!

I KNEW SHE WAS MISSING YOU, MY FRIEND, I KNEW IT!!!!!

Okay now let me calm down and everyone lets think clearly here. Maybe you should start a new thread. I AM SOOOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU !!!!!!

Lillady...

 

All due respect..your ex just sounded like a complete JERK, with no regard for anyones feelings but his own. If you didn;t dump HIM I would be questioning your sanity....as I said this post was NOT directed at dumpers who dump or break up with ex'es for SOLID, VALID reasons. That's NOT my gripe. It's the ex'es who try to go back and forth..keeping their ex'es on hold..while THEY decide what's best for THEM. That's the point of the original post.

echo just saw this. ONly the dumpee could allow the dumper to do this. My ex wanted to be "just friends "or basically friends with benefits too at first , about a week later i freaked out on him and said "If its not 100% its over" Then i stopped all contact , only then about a month later ( after i repeadedly ignored him)did he come back to say "lets get back together"

If you dont want to be a doormat , get off the front porch , run inside and wait for him to officially ring the bell. Yah Know?

No two relationships are exactly alike - so i can only talk about my personnel expierence.

I was dumped by my 2 year b/f because he got scared about marriage. It was only until I did a complete turn about i.e. stopped crying, stopped counting NC days , and basically dated all of Los Angeles, that he suddenly showed up with the "I made a mistake "speech.

For the first few days i was leary too. In fact so leary , I still dated 2 other guys. But then something clicked inside of me . I had to let go of the hate and the insecurity.

There are allot of other reasons in this world to hold onto anger , like if i got cancer or some other life threating disease. Not , my OPINION, when a b/f breaks up with you.

But so what , so he got scared ,so he broke up with me , boo friggin hoo. yeah so he might do it again , i could get hit by a bus tomorrow too, yah know?!

The thing is , he is human . He also came back. He also is taking the time to work this relationship out with me. Its been a little over a month now. I am still guarded with my heart , but now he brings it out of me. He actually talks about it. I had to learn to forgive. I think it has made me a better , less selfish person , how's that for irony!

anyway , for ME, thinking that him dumping me and then asking for forgiveness and trying again was just him being a jerk is not how i want to live. We all make mistakes. I cant tell you the numerous things i did to my own mother when i was a teenager. But as we all get older we understand unconditional love. And I dont see her acting bitter towards me. No , in fact we now have a great relationship.Thats how i have tried to deal with my B/F. I think of unconditional love. And so far , he has proven worth it. And trust me other posters here on this forum know how depressed then distraught then fed up with him I was. The one thing i did learn from our time apart was that i will always love. Him or someone else , I no longer think that life is over , if I dont have him.

Now if i could only get that ring out of him (LOL!!!)