TAFFY

i consider anything other than sex making out. But then I'm 48, and from the old school that you don't do anything that will lead to sex unless you are married. THANK GOD I DIDN'T GRADUATE FROM THAT SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!

LOL

I think that's a good thing, because you are letting her know that you are highly interested in her. If she's mature enough, she will appreciate you all that much more, in my opinion. But that's just my opinion.

It doesn't matter too much to me if the guy I'm with isn't hard at first; because by the time we are through kissing and fondling, the guy is usually as hard as a rock. I like that!!! I'm fairly certain he does too(hee hee)

MG -- You still need to watch your back with this guy. You said he backed off completely; that doesn't mean that he's given up on the idea of "getting something" from you. The fact that he changed his work schedule to go to this group to be there when you're there, it's almost like he's stalking you. I've gon back and reread this entire thread just to update myself. This is my opinion, but you really need to tell an adult about what happened and what was said, so that they can protect you better. Take care.

Gracelove, I've been wondering how you have been. Could you send me a PM? I'm so sorry to hear that you've had to go through this, but you are on the right track, I think. Friendsforlife, here's another friend for you. See, you are not alone. We are all here for you. You do have friends. We care.

I was in your shoes not so long ago. I am a survivor of child and sexual abuse. I kept everything bottled up inside for years. I never told my parents anything about the sexual abuse until I was 32, and they were the only ones besides 3 other people who knew. My mother passed away last year, and afterwards I sank into a very deep depression. I stopped eating, stopped going out of my house, and generally gave up the will to live. If it hadn't been for my 3 friends, I wouldn't be here today writing to you.

Are you seeing a counsellor or any type of therapist? That sounds like a good place to start, to me. And, you don't have to worry that they won't believe you, or that they will laugh at your fears. I just started counselling about 7 months ago.

I still have ups and downs. But I feel like I am in a place now where I can maybe help someone else who's going through the same thing. If you need a friend to talk to, please feel free to PM me. I've had a lot of experience helping people in the last 20 yrs or so. I was a paramedic. I have seen people at their best, and at their worst. And I know what it's like to feel that you don't have a friend in the world. Please, the next time you feel like hurting yourself, either call the suicide hotline or your local Emergency Department at the hospital. And remember, you can always PM me if you need someone to listen to you. I am totally impartial and nonjudgemental.

MG, in my opinion (and I think you either know or have heard the saying about opinions), it would be best to not get involved with him at all. You said he asked you if you loved him or just strongly liked him; he's moving way too fast.

MG, I think that the reason you "fell for this guy" as fast as you did is because you've been hurt a lot in the past. That's how insecurity works, and I really think that he can sense this about you, and that's why he's moving in. I've been in counselling for several months now, and it's shown me that I am extremely vulnerable. You've told him that you don't want to start a relationship now, but if he does have ulterior motives, that won't stop him. The difference of 7 yrs apart would be OK if you were 18 or 19, but you're only 13. You have your whole life ahead of you. You're in a vulnerable spot right now since you've just gotten out of a relationship and any guy who sweet talks you and tells you what you want to hear is going to look good to you, but you have to clamp down on your vulnerableness and take a long look at what's being offered, and by whom.

MG - please listen with your head instead of your heart. I had forgotten that when he brought you home from church that he was going to come in to your house with you just as if it was planned, but you stopped him. That right there might have been the only thing that saved you from some sick mischief on his part.

Moon, I'm probably more cautious than the next person because of my past, but something about this 20yr old man is creeping me out.

First of all, you are only 13, and in the state where I live that can be constituted as statutory rape.

Second, if you're not dating, then why did he ask permission of you to go to the beach with his girlfriend and her son?

To me, that's not a good situation.

Then you really have nothing to worry about. If she likes it, it's all good.

I would think one of the men here would be better answering this than I would, but again, if I were in a relationship, and he got an erection, I would be honored, because to me that would mean that he is definitely interested in me. I have a horribly problem with body-image, so if that happened it would really make me feel honored.

And no, I don't think you should hide it.

Moon, I echo everybody else here that has told you to run, not walk, away from this man. You will get hurt.

shy_guy3, were I in a relationship with a man, I would feel honored if that happened, because it would show me that he is really interested in me. That would be a nice feeling.

Alas. I think I'm destined to join a convent or something. rolf

WadeCure, one of the hardest things to do is to let someone that we care so much about go. Right now, were I in your shoes, I probably would firstly concentrate on my schoolwork. If you are taking the maximum amount of hours, you need to concentrate on that, but at the same time, try not to burn yourself out studying.

I guess what I'm saying to you, is to let things ride a while, until you get to the point where you can give serious thought to this friend. It may be a couple of months, but if your friendship is to continue, then if it is meant to be, it will. Take care.

WadeCure, if you need to talk and don't want to do so on an open forum, you can PM me and I will always listen.

WadeCure, I hope you don't mind me asking but I'm a little confused. You've said that your "greatest female friend" couldn't offer you a healthy friendship. I also sorry to ask if it will be a trigger for you: was the friendship at any time an intimate one?

She could also be telling you that becauses "she thinks" that she cares more for you than you do for her, that being friends would be a bad idea.

Believe me. Another gentleman and I correspond via email -- we live 1,200 miles apart from each other. We have wrote each other and talked to each other over the phone, but we have never met. I love this man with all of my heart and soul, but he just wants to be friends. I am willing to continue to be friends with this man, close friends, because he is a genuine caring, funny person to talk to. I know there will never be anything other than friendship between us, but that doesn't matter.

What I'm saying is that maybe how your friend feels but isn't willing to commit to even a frienddship. I really hope that you find someone that you can relate to and that will treat you right.

Hope, I didn't realize that, and I truly hope that nothing has happened. The only way to comfort myself about this is to realize that all of us who responded to her, tried our best to give her the advice that she needed.

I pray that she still is.

Mysteriousgirl, I realize that I haven't been here in quite awhile, but I am so happy to see at least you are still alive at this point. You've come here asking for help. So far it seems that you have been unwilling to accept the help that's been offered to you. I had to start back at the beginning of your thread to catch up.

I can only reiterate what I have said, and what all of the other posters have said to you.

GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOME FACTS THAT YOU REALLY NEED TO ACCEPT AND DO IT NOW, FOR YOUR OWN SAKE:

YOU'VE KEPT SAYING, HE'S ONLY PUSHED ME, HE'S ONLY DRAGGED ME BY MY HAIR, ETC.

ALL OF THE THINGS THAT YOU'VE SAID HE'S DONE TO YOU ARE ABUSIVE ACTIONS AND ABSOLUTELY NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO DO THAT TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING, IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. I CAN'T PUT IT ANY OTHER WAY. NO ONE DESERVES TO LIVE IN FEAR OF WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT.

PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT WITH MY ALL CAPS I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU OR SHOUTING AT YOU. I AM JUST TRYING TO GET YOU TO REALIZE THAT YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

AT THE COUNSELLING CENTER WHERE I GO, AND BEING IN THE MEDICAL FIELD MYSELF PREVIOUSLY THERE ARE SIGNS POSTED IN VERY VIEWABLE SPOTS. IT IS A PICTURE OF A CASKET WITH FLOWERS ON IT. THE WORDING IS SHORT, PLAIN AND TO THE POINT:

"HE BEAT HER 150 TIMES; SHE ONLY GOT FLOWERS ONCE".

I am really trying my best and so has everyone else that's replied to you, to shock you into the horribly and potentially tragic situation that you are in, to SAVE YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No one is picking on you. Everyone here obviously cares so much for you that they have repeatedly told you what is going on. If we didn't, we would never have replied to your post in the first place.

Here's something else you need to think about. What do you think would happen if you became pregnant, and he became angry again and physically harmed you. Now, your situation has just became compounded by the fact that there will be another human being for him to abuse.

GIRLFRIEND, GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moderators, if there's anything offensive in my post, please feel free to do what needs to be done, but I feel so strongly fearful for her life.

ShySoul, the stupid American phrase goes that "you should never assume anything, because when you assume, you make an * * * out of u and me. Sorry moderators.

ShySoul, you could always use this line as a joke. One of the guys that I worked with was sleeping on the couch, and he had a "tent". One of the other senior medics came in, and saw it and she called everyone over and we gathered around the couch and he woke up and a bunch of women staring at him, and then he supervisor came in and wanted to know "who planted the tree in the middle of the couch?"

Hi Folks, I'm resurrecting this topic to give you all an update on my situation. I have now seen the psychiatrist once and my counsellor twice. I like both of them, and think I can work with them. My counsellor has referred me to Case Management and I have a case manager coming to see me on Friday. The psychiatrist told me that I have major depression that is fueling the anxiety that I feel, and that as soon as the anxiety is controlled, my speech should go back to normal. Just thought I'd let everyone know how things are going with me. Thanks to all who responded.

Ricardo, right now your wounds are too raw to make any constructive decisions. You need time to heal. Maybe in time, you will come to a place where you can look at a picture or remember a memory and find that the hurt isn't so bad. You also need to take baby steps and take time for yourself.

It might be a Bartholin's Cyst. Although, these do tend to make sitting rather difficult and extremely painful.

mysteriousgirl, I agree totally with angelgirl. You have asked for advice, but can't get past the "I want my boyfriend back" idea that is stuck in your head.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to be blunt here as well, since you obviously are having trouble digesting the help that is being offered to you in response to your asking for help.

THE WAY HE IS TREATING YOU IS IN NO WAY, SHAPE OR FORM YOUR FAULT.

YOU HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING TO HIM, YOU DIDN'T "PUSH ANY BUTTONS", YOU DIDN'T PUSH HIM, YOU DIDN'T GIVE HIM ANY REASON TO THINK YOU HAVE BEEN LYING TO HIM.

YOU THINK YOUR BOYFRIEND IS HIDDEN SOMEWHERE INSIDE THIS MAN? I'M GOING TO PLAY DEVIL'S ADVOCATE HERE AND SAY WHAT IF HE IS INSIDE SOMEWHERE? DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK THAT THIS MAN THAT YOU'VE PUT ON A PEDASTILE (SP) WOULD CHOOSE TO HIDE IN AN ABUSER'S BODY?

HE'S PULLED YOUR HAIR, HE'S DRAGGED YOU BY YOUR HAIR, HE'S PUSHED YOU, ETC. THIS BEHAVIOR IS NOT ACCEPTABLE AT ALL. SO FAR YOU'VE BEEN VERY LUCKY.

You need to wake up to this realization: THIS BEHAVIOR WILL NOT IMPROVE, IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE, AND YOU COULD END UP LOSING YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THAT HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please, open your eyes while you still can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!