AGrPerson

Oh! I get what you mean. Yeah he would constantly abruptly stop answering mid conversation and then give a lame excuse for answering hours later. Sometimes he wouldn't even answer what I had asked him and start a completely new conversation. (When I told him about it he said that he didn't remember doing it even though he did it constantly). He said that he isn't a good texter and he prefers talking via phone. I though don't find it convenient calling someone just to ask him a single question, or to say a single thing. It's strange too that he excused himself by saying that he isn't a good texter, cause during the "infatuation period" he was a great one. I know that we weren't a couple but I just felt that I couldn't effectively communicate with him. That's why I wanted to have a discussion with him.

Well... I got swept up by all the compliments and future planning. So I let it slide.

You are right. And it was apparent from the first day we started talking. He said that since he told that he supports a specific political party I should have said nothing instead of criticizing it.

Yeah, that's how it sounded to me too.

Yeah... I think he wanted me to be like the image he had created in his fantasy. He wanted us to agree to everything, which in my opinion is boring.

I was swept up by all the attention and future planning and I just let what he said slide. During those 3 weeks, I witnessed him speaking rudely to his family. He also described to me situations were he had spoken really rude to strangers and he was asking me if his behaviour was appropriate or not. I agree with you. Currently I'm not that busy, but when I'm busy, I too find time to speak to someone I'm interested in.

I think that him not showing interest by his actions but by his words further validates the fact that he was interested in the prospect of a relationship and not in me. What scared me was the fact that we had different political opinions (which is perfectly fine) and he insisted that if I don't change my opinion we can't be in a relationship, and that he was sure that he would be able to change me.

I see. I don't have much experience in dating to be honest.

I understand. So when the thrill ended his interest dropped as well. Maybe he confused his interest in the thrill of the chase with a genuine interest for me.

I get what you mean. Yeah the whole "experience" was an "emotional rollercoaster" with frequent ups and downs and many disappointments.

It's really disappointing to see that this is common. I can't understand how someone can be so caught up in his fantasies and not see the reality as it is. In my case he was literally giving me compliments from the first day we started talking to each other and expect me to give the same compliments back at him. Or he would send a good morning text one day and expect me to send him a good morning text the next morning, because as he said there should be equality. He also asked me from the first day if I'm proud of him, and when I told him that I don't know him well enough to tell, he told me "but we've been talking for hours, you should know by now".

Thank you for your reply! I will try to keep my eyes open in the future!

I understand your point. I just wanted us to find a way to communicate cause every time I tried to approach him I felt there was a barrier between us. It was a way for me to set boundaries about what it is that I want when going out with someone. I thought that since he told me that he wants us not to talk or go out with other people and said at the start that he wanted us to talk every day, I had the right to ask him what's going on when things started to change. Do you mean it was too soon to discuss something like that, or that having the need to discuss things so early was an indicator that he wasn't the right person for me?

Thank you for your reply! Did you end up continuing going out with any of them? If yes, how did it go? Was there any case were the person ended up being someone worthy of your time?

Or renege when they see that the other person starts reciprocating their interest, right?

That's how it seemed to me, that he was losing interest. He had many things going on too, like starting a new job, but I think he could just make room for a date with me once a week if he was interested in getting to know me.

I'm being curious. How people who behave like that can hurt you?

I see. I think I now understand better how people who are like this think and act. During the last days before I broke up with him, he suggested taking it slower in order to get to know each other first. Do you think I should have agreed to that?

I understand your point that I should create boundaries with people, and I have to admit that I am still weak in doing that even though I'm making progress in fixing it. I indeed liked being showered with texts and attention cause I thought it mean he was interested, and I became anxious when it suddenly stopped being that way. I tried having a talk with him in order to discuss how we can communicate effectively with each other since it seemed that he preferred talking through the phone rather than via texting, while I was more of a texter. I also wanted to express my feelings towards him not keeping his promises. But, he kept postponing the talk to the next day, saying excuses every time like he doesn't want to get hurt, or that he is too sad to do that kind of talking.

Thank you for your reply! Yeah, it felt really overwhelming and awkward at times. I've heard the term 'love bombing' before. I'm not sure though that all this was intentional though, or that he wanted to manipulate me. I would say it was probably infatuation and not love bombing.

Yeah, I tend to get emotionally attached to people easily. So when he started saying all those things I got infatuated with him. Thank you for your valuable suggestions! Now that I've experienced something like this, I believe I'll be more cautious in the future.

I see. I'll try that. In the case of this guy he was the one insisting to send good morning and good night texts to each other, and calling every day, which resulted in us talking too much between dates.

We just kissed the first time we met, but he said that he would like us to get in a relationship in about a month from our first date. He never pressured me about being intimate with each other. Yes I want a long-term partner and he showed off as an ideal one at the start. He was saying that he seeks a relationship and asked many questions about me and my life. This changed after the first week of going out with him though. Thank you for your suggestions! I've started reading about self-worth and self-confidence. For starters, I know I'm getting anxiously attached to people and that I'm codependent, and I want to try and work on those two things.

Maybe he was like that. He said though that he doesn't like getting to bed with someone early and wanted us to get to know each other first.

The thing is that when going out with people through dating apps they tend get bored quickly if you don't keep in touch with them I think. That's why I try to keep in touch with them between dates. I don't have much experience about the dating world so I may be wrong about that.