AGrPerson

I see. Well those things were surely missing.

You are right. The thing is it was so intense that I tend to forget how short-term it was. And not having had another relationship before doesn't help either. Can I ask you something? What are the signs that show that it's safe to continue going out on dates with someone I've recently met?

Yes I too believe that if he really wanted to be together with me everything would have been much easier and I wouldn't find myself questioning if he's interested or not. Yeah it's odd that he brought it up. He said it within the context of searching for a serious relationship.

It surely is worth it for me too. It will make my life so much easier. Like stop overthinking what I did wrong, or what I could do different. Learn to set boundaries, stop being a people-pleaser.

Thank you for your suggestions! I'll definitely check it out.

Well, knowing me I'm not that surprised. I'm somewhat of a "people-pleaser" and it's difficult for me to set boundaries and say no. I'm working on that but it's not that easy to break a habit that I have since I was a child.

That is true. He wanted "someone to support him and be there for him". That's what he said to me.

Well, he was the one insisting about texting and calling via phone every day and I agreed to his terms. He also insisted on not seeing other people while going out with each other. Since he also showered me with compliments and future talked so much, I thought he was serious about me.

I'm 26. I was prioritizing my studies which resulted in me pushing back my dating life. I started going to dates about a year and a half ago. I've met some people but in all cases either I or the other person weren't interested to further keep seeing each other. It was just the first someone showed so much interest, and since I was interested too I thought that maybe he was the one I could have a proper relationship with.

Yes I've spoken about this to my family and friends and they've all agreed that what we had with that guy wasn't healthy. I know what a healthy relationship is like, since my parents have a wonderful relationship with each other, rarely fighting and always supporting one another. I'm considering consulting a therapist to help me.

You might be right. I might be too attached to the idea of having a boyfriend. The truth is I'm always nice and polite to everyone around me, always on time, always present during a conversation. (Though since we were talking every day via phone with that person there were times that I didn't know what to say.) But when the other person is interested too I can keep a conversation going. I'm also compassionate and was every day there for him when he felt down. (He has a mental health problem which he treats by taking antidepressants). There were two instances though when I got fed up by his inconsistency and responded rather coldly to him since I was fed up by his behaviour, but I apologized when it happened a second time and promised him I would speak up about what bothers me from now on. The thing is I never felt "at home" with him. Every day was a rollercoaster of emotions. I always felt that I gave much more than I got back.

I know I'm going in circles and I truly thank you for your support and kindness. I hope with time I'll feel better. Even now with each passing day I feel less and less attached to him.

Well, I treated him in the best way possible, but I keep thinking that maybe me wanting more time and attention from him might have repelled him. Or that if I was more interesting somehow he might have kept being interested in me.

No, it's not that someone has told me that I'm too picky, it's just that since I don't have much dating experience I'm afraid that I might be asking too much and repel the other person, or that I might misjudge someone's behaviour and reject someone good for me.

I had already started losing myself, cause I had modified my whole schedule in order to fit his. And he still wasn't satisfied. The relationship dynamic wasn't equal either. For example he would get away with excuses for his inconsistency but he told me off once for telling him that I will call him later cause I was talking on the phone with a friend at the time he called.

No, I'm not in a hurry, I'm just afraid of being too picky, or rejecting someone who might have been right for me, or repelling someone nice because of my behaviour.

I mean yeah I'm super anxious to find a boyfriend, so when someone started showering me with compliments and future talking, I took the bait.

Yeah, I would like to experience what it's like to date someone.

You are right. Maybe it's better to stay away from dating for a while.

Yeah, it really felt too good to be true. He didn't seem like a player though. I mean he appeared too humble to be one. Could that be his "mask"?

Yeah, you are right.

Got it!

I find it awkward and pretty strange. I can't understand what he was thinking really. He had only been in one relationship before so I don't know, he might have been inexperienced?

I understand. Well, we went for coffee too for our first date, and he set a specific date for when it would be ideal to be officially boyfriend and girlfriend haha.

I see. Yeah, you should be more cautious with a total stranger.