DariaM239

14 hours ago, LoveSiiick said:

I have a date scheduled for tomorrow and originally I suggested a restaurant which he agreed to then today I changed my mind because looking at it it’s a hassle to find parking there. So I texted him that I had another restaurant in mind as you can see he never said anything back. Do I block him? 

I don't think you should block him. I do understand your frustration though. I hate having to double txt or be the only one making the effort. At this point I'd ask him straight up if he's even interested and if you guys are still meeting up. Maybe just give him a chance and see what he says and if you still get nothing from him, just forget about him and move on. 

10 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

You're not insane, but you appear to lack both perspective and a sense of what a healthy friendship looks like. 

I would take a big step back from this guy. This friendship sounds dysfunctional. 

 

As much as I don't like to think about it in that way. You are right. Thank you.

27 minutes ago, tattoobunnie said:

 

Instead of asking why he no longer has money, or how he got stuck in Germany without money, you accuse him of unable to plan for a trip.  And if my friend who's never asked for money, calls me in the middle of the night, and says, "I need money," I send him money.  No questions asked.  Either way, you are not his "ride or die," nor a good friend to him.  That doesn't mean you aren't someone's good friend, but I would never treat a best friend like that.

With the money thing...if you ever loan money to a friend or family member, treat it as a gift, because it's not worth fighting over.   You had the money; you just didn't care to ask why he needed it or him to be frank.  You weren't there for him, but he has been there for you.  That is being self-absorbed.

Hi, so first off I don't think there is anything wrong with me asking back for MY money, regardless of who it is. And yes, I had the money but like I said, I myself had an upcoming trip and couldn't afford to spend anymore. In the end I did send it to him because he's my friend. I didn't ask back for the money until THREE weeks later and that was only because I noticed he was going out to brunch and bars with friends, so I felt offended ( I should've mentioned that in the original post).

2 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

This isn’t about the money. 
He told you why he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore.  He says you’re not there for him in the ways that he’s there for you. 
Youre jumping through hoops trying to figure out why he wants you out of your life, but he told you.  His perception is that you are not the friend to him, that he is to you. 
 So instead of crying over him rejecting you, think of any possible ways you can validate his feelings.

Ths money is not the thing.  It’s just the final straw. 

So he just said he needed space for right now. And I respect that, but at the same time I did not find it ok of him to use my past against me and compare me to his other friends and then basically call me selfish because I HAVE been there for him when he needed me (not just with the money situation) I just didn't detail that in the beginning. But because of that is exactly why I am shocked by his current attitude. I'm just going to let it be.   

He seems depressed and to be honest I don't think he is in the right mental and emotional state of mind for a serious relationship right now. And congrats on the new job opportunity! Don't let your relationship problems overshadow your own accomplishments, perhaps you can see this as a new beginning for you. 

Hi! So it definitely sucks that he really used you for the most part. He clearly is a loser, piece of well you know... but yeah I get the need for wanting to act petty, I probably would want to too, but the best thing you can do is just continue living your life and just focus on yourself. Eventually you'll not even think about that bum and feel dumb for even wanting to get back at him. 

Welp here I am again. Currently feeling confused and sad because my "bestfriend" of 14 years pretty much wants nothing to do with me anymore. It all started when he was in Germany and he txted me saying he needed $200. He's never one to ask me for money, however, I myself had a trip coming up and I told him no I could not afford to send it to him right now. Because of the time difference I went to sleep woke up the next morning to all his missed calls and txt. He still really needed the money to put gas in the car rental and make it back to the airport. Now how the heck does someone go on a trip with no financial plan. I don’t know. Whatever. So I send him the money. The following weekend me and him plus a group of friends were supposed to go on a trip together. He ends up not showing up at all. I was extremely upset that he didn’t show up, I ended up getting drunk and blocked him just for the night cause I didn’t want to hear his excuses. He was extremely offended. We eventually talked it out and all was well (or at least I thought). 3 weeks pass by and I’m asking him back for my $200. He was extremely offended because he said he really had no money, but he sent me the money 2 days later and then he just started acting weird. I asked him if everything was okay. He said...

“I need space from you right now, because honestly you always make everything about yourself” he started comparing me to his “real friends” he started using my past against me, saying all I do is make dumb stupid choices and he was tired of always having to hear me out and be there for me. (Yes this is the same guy that picked me up from the guys house at 2am, this topic is in a past post). He was offended that I kept pressing him about the money and that I blocked him that night. 
But honestly what really hurt me the most was when he said, I burden him with my problems and him comparing me to his other friends. His words were "my other friends have been there for me at my worst, since day one and with you I honestly can't look back on a moment you've been there for me" This all happened yesterday. He said all this in an audio message. I still have not said responded back to him because as CRAZY as this sounds. I still have hope that we can fix things, and the best thing I can do right now to save our friendship is for me to say nothing at all. Because once I start saying how I feel, hurtful words are going to be said and there will be no going back from it.

Am I insane for still wanting him as my friend?? I feel like there's something so much deeper bothering him and he doesn't want to tell me. Idk. But this is the guy that we literally call each other family. We always talk about how we’ll speak at each others weddings and be the best aunt/uncle to each others kids. This guy has really been there for me at MY lowest, so for him to change up on me like that has me absolutely shocked and hurt. I just don’t know what to do. 

I was in a 6 year relationship up until the end of last year, the relationship ended amicably so I'm grateful for that. However, even though I don't miss that relationship I miss just having someone to go out with. I started the dating thing back in July and it sucked haha. So now I'm at a point in my life where I decided to take a break from dating and just focus on myself.  With that being said I'm contemplating on doing an international trip (South Korea). I only know a girl that lives there with her husband and they are willing to show me around for a day and then the rest of the time I'd be on my own. Because I'm a woman safety is really my main concern and I also don't speak Korean. Has anyone ever done a solo international trip? And if you have, any tips? What are your thoughts?? Should I go for it? 

Ok, so the homework thing. I've done that before once, for my ex of 6 years, but he paid me to do it cause heck no would I do it for free haha but everything else that really sucks and I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Your mind must be all over the place right now but you have to confront him about it, it's going to be uncomfortable but you can't keep ignoring it. You also deserve way better. No one should ever be someone's second choice. Wishing you the best of luck! 

13 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Using the guy "BEST friend" lable will certainly deter someone from dating you. Why can't you just have male and female friends? Perhaps you're trying to avoid serious relationships? 

Friend and best friend are 2 different things. I wouldn't call my 2 best friends just "friends" because they are way more than that to me. A best friend to me is like family. 

15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Opinions vary. Was this the guy who made the comment?

 

No, this was some guy I met at a friends party this past weekend. 

He def gives off creepy vibes. Perhaps you don't actually miss him. I think you just miss the attention that he gave you? Also the constant checking your phone to see if he's reached out, I can definitely relate to that feeling, haha. It sucks but tbh he sounds like a red flag. Feel better soon! 

10 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Yes you can but you should know he probably has thought about having sex with you unless he is gay.

This is the thing other men know since they are men and that is why some guys have a problem with it. To them it is just some guy hanging around waiting his turn.  Right or wrong that is the thought process.

 Lost

He's not gay and he has a gf! His gf and I are actually good friends too. Not all guys think that way 🙂 

first off, so sorry you had to go through something like that. No one deserves to be cheated on. Someone already said this, but she'll never truly feel sorry, only sorry that she was caught. With time everything you've been through will hurt less. I was cheated on once, funny enough I didn't find out till after the break up, but still I was very upset and it definitely hurt my ego. I wanted answers so bad, but he actually ended up blocking me and ended up dating the girl he cheated on me with. I ended up just letting it go and looking back on it, I don't even care anymore.

If she does try to contact you again, definitely ignore her. You'll feel tempted to want to say something but for your own mental peace, don't give in! You got this. Best of luck to you.

Ok so. I have my 2 best friends in the whole world that I trust more than anything. I've known them both for over 10 years (we're in our 20's still). One is a girl and the other is a guy. The other day someone made a comment to me saying "I dont trust a girl with a GUY Best friend" to which I responded, "But I have a guy best friend'! and he said "Ok, but lets be real if you and him were to both get reaaallyy drunk, you guys would probably hook up or something" and I said definitely not because we've both been drunk before and nothing like that has ever happened. I've had conversations like this before with both guys and girls who find it hard to believe that any person could have a BEST friend that's the opposite sex. What do you guys think? 

3 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Had a re-read and missed this^ the first time.

What do you mean by you had several "encounters" before spending the night?

Do you mean dates?  How many dates?  Or was this your first meet? 

I only ask as it's simply not safe for a woman to be spending the night with a man in his bed unless and until you've been dating awhile and developed a level of trust. 

You were very lucky he respected your boundaries, other women have NOT been so fortunate.

Please be careful and exercise good judgment when dating.  In fact, I would advise NOT agreeing to sleep in a man's bed unless you plan to actually have sex with him.

Your doing so could be seen by some men as misleading or assuming your "no" means "yes."   You were very fortunate he wasn't one of those men but he could have been, you barely knew him. 

I used to work in the legal field and yes this did happen, the lines can get blurred.  These incidents were not pretty and did not end well for the woman. 

Again, for your own safety please be careful. 

Re this man, my advice is to move on, next. 

 

 

 

Hi! I actually also work in the legal field and am very familiar with what you’re saying. Me and him had went on several dates beforehand. So no, this was not the first time. Not everyone has to have sex the first night of sleeping over. He was very respectful with me and for that I appreciate him for it. I do appreciate your concern tho! My issue with this situation is obviously the way I handled it but also I wish he would’ve communicated better with me cause I did apologize to him the next day and he didn’t seem to want to talk about it anymore. I understand that he was probably still hurting, but how am I supposed to know if you’re not being honest with me. But doesn’t matter anymore anyways. I just have to move on. /:

3 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I was wondering the same thing...

No, we’ve went out on several dates before! I would never do that on a first date. 

1 hour ago, Tinydance said:

If by "encounters" you meant you went on a few dates, I actually think you acted very rudely. From your post it sounds like the guy was respectful that you didn't want to hook up. Doesn't sound like he was trying to do anything and just wanted to spend time with you. I think it's normal that he fell asleep if it was really late. If he fell asleep during the day and you were bored or something then it would make more sense that you wanted to leave. If it was 2:00 a.m. it's normal to sleep. The guy was probably expecting you'd sleep as well and you would spend time together the next day.

To be honest I found your behaviour kinda weird. If you wanted to date this guy then why did you just want to take off in the middle of the night? If he wasn't pushing for anything intimate then what was the problem? I understand if you thought your own bed would be more comfortable but it's normal to stay the night with someone you're dating. 

If I invited my date to stay over but at 2:00 a.m. they just took off, I'd be really upset as well. Even if it was a friend who was staying with me and they just randomly left in the middle if the night for no reason, I'd be annoyed as well. In my opinion this is very rude behaviour and very inconsiderate. Also comes across as that you really weren't into him and didn't want to be around him. You also didn't discuss anything with him and just said: "I'm leaving now and my friend is picking me up." So he had no say in the matter at all and it was supposed to be your time together. 

I'm actually very surprised that you thought this behaviour was totally normal.

Well me and him never “labeled” our status. Yes we had went on a few dates beforehand. But neither of us brought up the topic of what we were, he loves living his own life independently and so do I. Obviously the communication was very poor between us. I had no idea that I was going to feel uncomfortable once I was already there trying to fall asleep. And I wasn’t going to suck it up either. I was going to make it back home regardless. And I apologized the very next day too. And he got defensive but then said it was fine (obv it wasn’t) How was I supposed to know he was still going to hold it against me if he doesn’t tell me. All I can do now is move on from this and make better choices. 

5 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Well I'm a woman but having grown up with five brothers and hearing all their stores, plus my own experiences, here's my take seeing it from his side. 

You didn't want to have sex with him even when sleeping overnight in his bed -- Translation (in HIS mind):  She's not attracted to me 

You left in the middle of the night after agreeing to stay the night, and as if that's not hurtful enough (in HIS eyes) you were picked up by another guy. 

Translation (in his mind):  She's not attracted to me and possibly playing me.

By your own admission things were going well, he was sweet and attentive, so yeah obviously he was HURT by your actions. 

He may believe you were playing him, he felt foolish and that is why he ghosted. 

 

Appreciate this response very much. Thank you. 

Idk if our definition of "going off" is the same? When I say go off, I mean be a little mean if you have to as in stand your ground. Not all breakups end toxic. And if he's toxic anyways, it doesn't matter in what way you break up with him. He'll show you that toxic side of him regardless. Nevertheless, best of luck!

35 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

But you knew trains stop running so was your plan to spontaneously call your male friend to make that long drive out in the middle of the night if you didn’t feel like staying ? 

Actually, I didn't know the trains stopped running after midnight cause we're I'm from the trains run 24/7 but since he lives in a town, they only run certain hours. And it was never my plan to call my friend! I was going to leave regardless. But oh well, all I can do now is move on from this and make better choices next time /: 

40 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

You were under no obligation to stay, of course, but you could have handled it much better than you did. 

 

You're right. I wish I could've done things differently but it's too late for that now. I can only move on from this.

You're in no wrong! And it's a good thing you realize that his behavior is arrogant and unhealthy. I say cut him off and tell him it's not working for you. If he tries to be persistent then go off on him! Also aint nothing wrong with being a b.***h to him cause hes an a**h*** anyways! Best of luck!

<>    Oh nooo, you have a lot of patience with his man. What did you even see in him in the first place?? There must have been signs when you both were dating?? Well I guess that doesn't matter anymore but I would leave him asap! I can't believe he would even leave you alone on the wedding night! Girl you're crazy haha, but seriously you deserve better. Don't keep wasting time with him. There is someone better out there for you!

40 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

How did you get to his place? If he did a 3 hour drive to pick you up, then of course he was tired. But he may have been looking forward to spending time with you the next morning, so waking up to you leaving with another guy probably hurt his feelings.

You’d have nothing to lose by trying to learn how you can make this up to him, but it doesn’t sound promising.

I took the train to his place so that when he was out of work, me and him would be arriving at his place around the same time. Trains stop running after midnight and uber was charging 100 f****** dollars. Hence why i asked my friend to pick me up. Originally I was going to catch the first morning train back home cause he knew I had to get to work, so spending time with him in the morning was not an option. I tried reaching out to him via txt but he ignored my message /: clearly he is too immature to hear me out or even express to me how the whole situation made him feel. Even if it's just to tell me to *** off, I wish he would just say that to me then, but oh well. Got to move on