lovergal

Update: We were supposed to go this wedding on Saturday. I didn't wanna go but I'm only really going for her and to meet new people. I enjoy being social. This guy that shes been talking to invited her. And our backup plan was checking this new restaurant downtown. Anyways, he wanted her to come to the after party and not the wedding and so she cancelled on him. So then I asked her if she still wants to go to the restaurant (bc that was our backup) and she said no and that the uber was going to be expensive. (she's clearly making excuses). I know she doesn't wanna go to this restaurant is because there will be no guys there lol.....

No one gets them as often as they used to. Anyways... that's besides the point of this whole post lol....

I dont get it. How does this ruin your relationships? People think your innocent and then find out that your not? Unless you're acting overly-innocent - its not your issue. People can make their own judgements and assumptions. Just be yourself. BUT if you are putting on an act and think its some sort of performance - then that's somethng you need to work on.

Sex should be fun! You guys have 3 kids... seems like you guys have been together for awhile. You guys should ALREADY be comfortable with each other and your bodies. If not, then it seems like the problems are more than just sex. Talk to each other. Communicate. Have fun with it. Get drunk (if needed), get loose and do it. Stop overthinking everything - that goes for the both of you. But I think theres deeper problems to this.

Ummm... that's a very ignorant thing to say. Which again just proves as to why we can relate to each other because of judgmental people like yourself. No one gets arranged marriages anymore - it is not the 70's anymore.

I believe so!

We are both Indian- so in our culture it is very unusual (which again - people like you wont understand lol). But my family/cousins dont understand the dating culture... a lot of men cheat where were from/dating is difficult. so i do get a lot of hate and judgment for being 32 and single from fam/cousins and people in my life who are in relationships are all about their bf so we rarely see each other.

Hey everyone, I appreciate all the comments. For everyone saying I'm the one with issues - maybe I do (i mean don't we all lol). But from my past experience, I was always the difficult friend and very blunt like lets say if my friend was late I would tell her and be annoyed and I noticed I lost a lot of friends when I acted like that. I was called the dramatic friend. After years, I learnt to have more patience/be more understanding and now when I have friendships I second guess everything and think I'm the problem and maybe I'm being dramatic (hence this post). A lot of you are questioning WHY i allow this behaviour. This behaviour doesn't happen every single time we hang out (we hang out like once a month btw). But something that is consistent is her wanting me to act a certain way with guys (less available so I don't get hurt/play mind games). Again, I have a loooot of patience and I'm a very calm and understanding person. I think therapy actually taught me that so this is the way I am with everyone. I do have friendships where the person is mature enough to have a convo with me as to what's bothering me and we can squash it but this individual can't handle a convo like that. I can understand how I can be immature and toxic as well since I'm only keeping her for short term. But tbh I don't have a lot of friends and she is the ONLY person that can relate to me and understands me (being 30 and single/dating) and I feel like once I'm settled down - our friendship would fizzle out. I know that sounds harsh but it is the truth. Unless - she changes and she settles down too but I can't see her doing that.

how so?

how are we frenemies?

OH and she indirectly calls me "desperate" and "beg" to be on dating apps. I know a lot of you are gonna be like why dont you say anything and it's because I feel like she says all of this because SHE is insecure and she is the one with issues. Putting yourself out there requires confidence and i know that's something she could never do. I told her to meet me at a restaurant for dinner once and she couldn't cus she didnt want to walk in alone. mind you - she is 32.

I have a big ig following and I'm on dating apps so she said she just wants to know if they know me but she always tells me negative things the guy says "they think youre too out there" but like why does she care? lol i never even mention her on any dates I go on. why would i?

Also another thing she does that I forgot to mention (which I'm not sure why she does it) but when she goes on dates - she always mentions me and asks the guy what they think of me.... lol

I don't go clubbing every weekend - prob once a month and thats when I see her. I spend most of my time alone and I like to do something every weekend. I have tried to go hiking with her (she doesnt want to), trying new restaurants/dinner (she finds that boring).

I feel like SHE attracts garbage men because she will give any guy a chance. She gets fingered at the dance floor of a club and makes out with random guys. For me, I work a lot and I like to escape on the weekends. I don't go clubbing for guys because I know the love of my life won't be at the club but I go for my own enjoyment and fun. Unfortunately, all my other friends are busy with their own lives (marriage, kids, etc...) so I rarely do get to see them.

LOL i doooo! but idk if thats it. I don't have a lot of friends my age that I can party with and I know once I find my man and I'm settled down - im going to cut her out of my life. I know that sounds bad but it's the truth.

I know this sounds SO bad. but we party a lot together and she's my party friend but once i find my man - i plan on cutting her out of my life.

I really don't know. lol

Can i ask why? idk why but I feel bad for her lol

I know. I tried talking to her about this the other day but it's like talking to a wall. I told her "you call me a doormat but you did that" and her response was that she did it ONCE and its not in her nature to do that. She always has excuses.

Hey guys! I just want some advice. I have had this friend and we've been friends for about a year now and I can't determine if she is a goood friend or a *** one. (we're both female btw) So we get along really well because we are in our 30's and single and we just relate to each other. I noticed that we just do things differently like we handle ourselves differently in situations which is fine. So I don't want to make this a long post but these are some of the things she has done which are questionable to me: She has gone up to my exes and situationships at clubs (without asking me) and causing a scene whenever they are talking to a girl. It's not the way I would handle the situation but she claimed she did it for me and shes a good friend. I am a very quiet person and handle stuff on the low. She has left me alone at the club at 2AM to suck d She always calls me a "door mat" and says I'm way too available for guys. - which I guess I can be but if I like a guy I will see him lol (also she is VERY avoidant). She tells me to play mind games with guys. She reads a lot of self help books like why men love ***es and books where they tell you what attracts men. I don't believe in that stuff and I am more into being yourself and being genuine. I don't think games really get you anywhere She can't communicate well. I'm always walking on egg shells around her- she gets mad so easy and frustrated and just goes off and handles stuff poorly. For example, we went on vacation and got into an argument - she was on the bed just typing away (obviously texting someone about me) and then shes like I wanna go home tomorrow. She acts like a baby. She gets heavily involved in my business - if I'm texting a guy she wants to know what I'm saying and every little detail I know this is a weird one - but she NEVER makes a reso or books a hotel room. She just expects me to do it. She says shes "busy" but I know shes not I remember once we were out and I posted a selfie and I was responding to some guys and she got annoyed at that and shes like "you shouldn't be replying to them because now they know you're not having fun while youre out" She always leaves me waiting on her. She's constantly late (not 5 mins late like 30-hour late) and when I ask her why she gets so defensive and shes always like "omg are you really gonna get mad over this... okay sorrry!" but i know its not a genuine apology cus she will do it again she embarasses me in front of guys these are just the things on top of my head. she is really blunt with me but claims shes a good friend and shes not gonna be fake. I think the thing that bothers me most is how shes always calling me available and a door mat for guys because shes not like that and she wants me to be more like her and she thinks the way she does things is right. and she claims she just doesnt want me to get "hurt". I see her perspective (kinda) - I am the type where I put my eggs in one basket and put all my efforts in with a guy when I like them but once I'm over them I'm done with them and I feel like I shouldn't get ridiculed for that. She is more avoidant and just plays mind games. She just never understands my perspective because she thinks the way she handles things is always the right way. Is she a bad friend or am I just sensitive? Also: -she got hurt when she was like 21 and has never been in a relationship since (over 10 years ago) -she is also EXTREMELY insecure. I have never met anyone as insecure as she is. she doesn't dance at clubs, she takes forever to get ready, she always needs validation, always making sure her hair/makeup looks goood, she will never wear a dress, if she is bloated she won't even go out.

hey guys! need some advice over here. I can go no contact in terms of communicating with him but its really difficult for me to stop stalking their socials. i can go a few days but then i get soooooooo anxious and dive in. ive tried blocking, deactivating and nothing works.... even after a long day - i come home and check to see if i missed anything. its like an addiction. any advice? i feel like im never gonna get over this 😞

well then i guess he knows what it means

If he really cares then he can ask what happened and I will be honest but i doubt that

I feel like he doesnt deserve my words and what I give him. I dont want to tell him how I feel cus theres no point. At this point, I just need to leave. he can figure it out