Mammalyssa

I actually don't know any women that havnt had issues with the unwanted attention of men. I've had this problem all of my life when I go out and now that I'm late 30s I'm quite intolerant and annoyed by it. It's refreshing when you go out and chat to someone without an agenda. I have rules about never being alone when I'm out - I stay with my friends at all times because the level of harassment increases tenfold if you're a woman standing alone. Actually makes me angry. And yes I keep my assets covered up.

I dont think you sound ready for this level of commitment. Those kids have been through a huge trauma and the last thing they need is for a new boyfriend to rush in bond with them, then leave. If you're not ready to take on a step dad role you should stop right now. This to me is about the children more than anything else, they are the priority. I've made the mistake of being that mum and currently dealing with the consequences. I feel terrible for what my kids are going through.

I agree with mylolita. Psychology says people make a judgement on somebody within 3 seconds of meeting them (or seeing a photo). There's an element of physical attraction.. but when i tried out tinder previously if I saw a bulked gym photo of a guy I wasnt interested. Which is funny because I enjoy the gym and being active and fit... but I can't stand the self obsessed men that spend every minute there and take photos of themselves all jacked up. To me it says they're rather self obsessed. I've never taken a photo inside a gym. I've also swiped left on people who have hunting photos, because I can't stand the macho display of dead animal. I think people should hunt for food, not sport. And I always swipe left on people with fishing or nightclub photos. None of that is to do with their looks at all, but rather the instant knowledge that our interests would make us incompatible. A picture tells a thousand words. If your picture was of you dancing a salsa or something I'd say it makes your masculinity seem slightly less (nothing wrong with that, it's appealing to some and not to others). A passport style photo is usually not appealing as it lacks imagination and might portray boring. Pictures of people with a dog is always known as getting way more attention... so yeah. I'd be checking the fine details like that too.

Hahaha oh gosh he's my dads age, I dont think so!!! 😅

I would be wondering why he instructed you to block her. I would be messaging her to see what she has to say if I were you. It sounds to me like he's trying to keep you from finding something out from her. Who knows maybe he's a serial cheater and she wants to warn you. If she turns out to be a psycho you can always hit the block button when you realise that to be the case!

Oh absolutely! Am generalising here of course and applying it further than just tinder. But yes you're right, zero swipes on tinder would also have me questioning my attractiveness.

I waited 5 years to divorce my husband. Not for any reason other than it wasn't a big deal. I'm not planning on remarrying ever again so who cares about a piece of paper. I would say making sure a will is up to date is important. I'd also say living with the ex would be a deal breaker for me. In your situation it kind of feels like he's hanging onto something and not ready to let go. You just need to have a very open conversation about it. You can't ask or pressure someone to get a divorce for you.

Not sure why you're trying to convince me that not having a licence gives you just as many options. People with a licence have all those same options that you have, plus the option of driving their own vehicle. I'm talking camping and long driving trips. I dont like being a tourist... the freedom of driving to wherever you want to explore without a plan/schedule. Get your car bogged in sandhills etc are all adventures that are something you miss out on if you don't have a licence. I've already said.. my own personal opinion is that dating someone without a licence would be a no deal for me. I can't share a long driving trip with someone who has no licence. I'm sure I'm not alone in my opinion. Clearly city living means you don't get the country 'lifestyle'.

I understand what you're saying and the convenience of being in the city with options. I'm just saying as a personal preference... I would actually be quite put off that someone didn't have a licence. No matter how you put it and how YOU do it... its limiting yourself to a smaller world than if you have the option to drive across the country whenever you decide to. My life has been full of travels and adventures across borders so to me that would be a big one.

Put it this way... someone with no licence can basically never leave the city unless you're doing a flying holiday or paying for distance transportation. Thats unattractive. What about long drives in the countryside? Lol We regularly drive 7 hours to the next city where we are. I cant even imagine how limited life would be and how small your little life bubble is to rarely leave a city.

Not driving... I'd say that's a big one. Just from my own point of view when I've been single someone who didn't drive would be quite off putting for me (perhaps depending on where you live, suburban city life is different to country where I live). If the man didn't drive I would see that as someone who would end up becoming reliant on me for transporting everywhere, like my kids are! For the record your reference to 14 yr olds having nothing and still attracting a mate... that's because all the other 14 yr olds are on the same level. Women in their 30s want to know that a man isn't yet another burden on her... if your life circumstances are comparable to a 14 yr old that's actually a big deal. It would be a no thank you from me. Cooking... yes cooking class... we all LOVE when a man can cook. Women these days expect a certain level of equality around the home and someone who knows how to cook clearly is capable of putting in their share of contributing to a household. Your clothing... some care about it some don't. I wouldn't say it's that important... in fact someone who is 'too on trend' to me comes across as too high maintenance. I'm sure everyone has personal preference but I think a plain black tshirt and jeans is tidy and nice. For me level of hygiene is important.. someone that smells amazing is very attractive to me. I have a little bit of a thing about long nails on a man, it's really off putting and I see it as dirty. (Toenails or fingernails) If your grooming and hygiene is on point that will help. Not saying yours is not but it's sometimes the little things like aftershave that helps (if you're looking for a good one 'Million' is one that I recognise from afar and it makes me want to put my face in their neck 😀 I had a huge chat with a family friend the other night.. he's a man in his 60s and he is ridiculously popular with the ladies of almost every age group. Yet there is nothing special about how he looks. I was able to see it from a female perspective because I have spent time around him and I can see why they're attracted to him. It's because - He makes women feel safe when he's out and about. He'll stand up for a woman who looks unfortable at the unwanted advances of other men. He always speaks respectfully to them and like they're a good mate, rather than having the agenda to flirt and get them into bed like so many men do these days. He keeps his hands to himself even if they're clearly flirting with him. He'll offer to help them out in whatever way he can if the opportunity comes up. This is without the expectation of payment or that they might owe him something romantically. Basically he acts like a complete gentleman in a world that is full of opportunistics. He does also end up with a lot of friends and it doesn't go further than that, which is also perfectly okay.

Sounds like your son is panicking. These are the consequences of his actions, and although you can't change his decisions you can make it very clear to the young lady your intentions of being there for her and your grandchild. Your son may not feel anything toward a child yet having not yet met the baby, but may come around once he or she is born. Either way he will be up for child support for a very long time so I hope he has a job! In your shoes I would be putting my energy and focus onto this young lady.

I havnt spent the time to read 10 pages of replies but I just wanted to say I'm sorry that you feel your looks have prevented you from having a relationship. People can say all kinds of things and have opinions about it but at the end of the day nobody else has the answers for you either.. and a lot of people make dismissive comments in an attempt to make you feel better (which is unhelpful and invalidates your feelings). The world is actually a very cruel place and a majority of people quite shallow. I hope you find fulfilment in life and at some point a lasting relationship. Big hugs x

I see your point. Porn and masturbation arnt an issue, except when they're not touching you and sexual pleasure is replaced by this. In your situation I'd ask him if he was happy with your sex life and is there anything else he'd like to try or change. Tell him around about how often you'd like to be having sex. If he has trouble initiating it, then go for it. Initiate it frequently with him and see if anything changes. He might have just as much trouble communicating his sexual needs as you do. It might be less complicated than you think :)

Wow people are being harsh here... I wonder what the outcome was hub? I understand the circumstance you're talking about. Some people are not sexually compatible. I could not orgasm with my husband and we were married 14 years, together for 18. My partner of 3 years I'm about a 20 second girl. And I thought I was broken... lol Our differences in preference were the reason. I liked toys and needed more than penetration. He found toys threatening to his masculinity. I wanted him to perform oral, he though that was gross but wanted to receive. He liked to go slow, I wanted a wham bam thank you mam. You get the picture .. he was conservative and I'm a bit out there. For many women it's the lack of connection emotionally that affects the sex life. And Im just going to go ahead and say YES.... if the sex life is unsatisfactory for either one of you it can be the ultimate reason you leave. Some of us are sexual creatures and its important to us to be able to be emotionally healthy to achieve a healthy sex life. Having said that, i would hope you would try everything in your power to make things better before just leaving. In your shoes I'd be asking her directly. - has she orgasmed ever? - does she have a fantasy she'd like to play out? - is there anything you're doing that doesn't really do it for her? - is there anything she's thought about doing with you that she hasn't asked for? - would she be open to getting drunk with you and trying some new things? ( it just takes the inhibition away for something that could otherwise be awkward) -would she watch porn with you prior to falling around? -does she need you to wine and dine her first to get that connection going?

In my experiences, a cheater always cheats. I've previously been the one to say give people a chance and if they're really in love they won't do it. But what I've learnt about this topic from a previous relationship I was in is... the man that thinks its okay to cheat places a low value on the act of cheating itself. He may well love you and be crazy about you. But that cheating moment was just a 'harmless' bit of fun that happened and then was over. And to him he gets on with life as normal feeling no guilt, because that moment meant nothing to him. I have learnt nothing you say or do can change that it meant nothing to them, so they really don't feel guilt or see it as a big deal. In their mind they love you, and you are important to them... so the only regret they have is when you find out about it and they are at risk of losing that perfect world where they can have their cake and eat it too. Often they have mates that are of similar opinion to them. So they validate each other and back each other up with their stories. In your circumstance I would wait a little longer. If he is cheating he will prove himself to be cheating at some point. Instagram following isn't a great way to prove anything whatsoever. Your man probably looks at porn or sexy women, and maybe that's all that is. Making the actual accusation is a whole other llevel. He will prove himself either way at some point.