Hey
My names martyn, I am 17 years of age I'm having a couple of problems and I just want to get some advice, the problem is I feel depressed alot and I can't help it it makes me so I cant concentrate at most thing people would be able to do easy such as put things together for example I have to do things slow which makes me feel worst when offer people are watching I try to hide my problems from public but by doing so I cant really act myself, my social life aint very good I used to be able to just talk to people freely now its like I have to think deep for what to say instead of a natural reaction (like most people do when u talk together) I have little self confidence if any and because of that well round hear (yes I really do hate it) allot of people who meet me for the first time think im gay or something I just don't no what to say so I try being polite so as not give away my depression but somehow on first meetings people do get the wrong idea is just like that round hear (your meant to be tough act something your not) allot of people do that act tough and just say thing that..just aint happened I don't no why but I don't ant to chat big act like something I'm not im constantly having to try prove myself and no matter how hard I try I just cant seem to do anything like for example my m8s aren't the type of mates u can talk to about problems and stuff there just average lads even if I did speak to just 1 of them in like to days the rest of them would no and just make fun..i think the reason I care so much for over people is because I no what its like having no-one to talk to when u have problems makes me soft hearted I dont no if this is a good or bad thing maybe both cuss people always take advantage of yah when ur weak..I'm always feeling left out all people round hear show off with football tricks and stuff like that..(I cant play football) so I just feel left out I don't no if its something to do with my dyslexic disability or what foot and ball coordination, but anyway I just feel worthless I spent last year at college I failed my course I just couldn't concentrate, my best m8 passed I can talk to him well I think I can but I just wouldn't its non of his business hes got his own things to worry about.
When ever I talk to somebody I find it hard to look them in the face and if I do manage to get the courage to do so it feels like my eyes just want to automatically turn away so sometimes I turn away when I'm talking to someone I just cant help it, if someone tells I joke I usually don't find it funny I just put on a fake laugh, most of the time when I talk I stutter I no what to say but I just stutter this makes me feel like a prat and most people makes jokes sometimes so I just focus on not stuttering then I forget what to say if it was up too me I'd just sit in my house allday and do nothing but go on my pc but I've learned from experience that will only make me worst so I just try and get out and just talk to people try have a joke, sometimes I can make it through the day actually chatting to someone and somedaya I just don't have a clue what to say well that's all im going to write the story goes on but that's just long... well thanks for reading my life story lol hope u can help me out
And thanks
