dee0364

I will definitely be looking for that now! thank you! At one point(last year from January-May), i was taking my son to see them once a month, for 3 days at a time. However, this still isn't good enough for them, because they are "supervised" visits. My dad says that supervised visits are no longer acceptable to him He recently pulled a really good stunt on my younger sister. She is 19 and in college. She was discussing with my parents about moving out. Well, they don't like the idea. She had explained to them that she would like to purchase the car they 'gave' her when she was 17(only she drove it, it was an older car, still dependable... but my dad required that is stayed in his name).. anyway, she found out book value was $1200 for the car, so she offered dad $1500 to put the car in her name. He told her he didn't feel 'right' about it, but a week later he sold the car for $1200. My dad knew that once he sold the car, my sis would have no choice but to purchase her own car, which meant she would have a fairly 'high' payment (compared to her income, and in turn she wouldn't be able to afford to move out). so now my little sis is stuck with a car payment, they only allow her to work part time(since they pay her full tuition she doesn't really have a 'choice' in her eyes)... so again, that's their control... oh my! that's exactly what i have thought! i have to have a 'speech' prepared almost every single time i speak with my parents. and i have even used the "mom, would you have left me or my sis with g-ma or g-pa for a week?" she says "well i don't know... but then again, we always lived 5 minutes away from them, so you got to see them plenty of times" Thanks so much for your input! If any of you would like to chat via email, my addy is email removed

This is a email my mom sent to me recently, and i was appalled by MANY of the things said, so here is the email, and my comments added to what she is talking about, to help you get a clearer picture.(my comments are bold italics) Dear DeAnna: This letter is to inform you that I am very stressed over the situation at hand. You telling us that we can not come and see the grand baby as soon as it is born. What if something happens to it or you. I won't be there for you. You make my heart break because I do not know what I have done to get this type of treatment. I had just told my mom that my husband and i had decided we would like them to come down to see our soon to be baby, after we had both been discharged from the hospital, so that my husband, son, and myself would get to spend time with him, before everybody starts barging in, we never ever said they were not welcome to ever come see the baby I have always tried to be there for you and your family. I do not try to control you or your situation. If I did things would be different for you. Since you can tell me what I can and can not do when I visit. DO NOT BRING YOUR DOG. You and Carlos argue about who is going to take care of her ect... My dog is an 'inside' dog, but out of respect for them and their house, when we visit, she has to stay in their garage... my husband and i have never "FOUGHT" over caring for her... it's something to the effect of "hey could you go let the dog out?.... well why can't you???" and that's as far as it has ever gone! I miss you all and wanted to come in Feb. Your daddy's illness was to risky to travel and he still isn't 100%. I sent stuff because I want too. All your father and I want is to be shown respect and that is something you have never really done. I have prayed for my family to find peace and to be able to gather without any a small war or worlds. i apparently do not show them respect, because i do not tell them what they want to hear... i am never demeaning or nasty to them when i talk Read this and if you get angry cool down before calling. My tongue is to sore to talk. My feelings are at bay with you and I am unsure were to go with them now. Please advise me so that we can be on the same page. Since I am venting and do not take it wrong but I could not stay long at your house the last visit due to the stuff that was not cleaned up. I am sorry but your house is not as clean as I would like it to be. Everyone has bad day and weeks but you knew we were coming and the bowls and stuff on the living room floor could have been gotten up. Sorry for the long vents but it has been building up and the doctor told me to get rid of my anger and stress. They came to visit in the middle of the winter(2004) they arrived at my house at 7am, while my son and myself were sitting on the floor eating a bowl of oatmeal together, this is why there was a bowl 'left' on the floor, because as soon as we heard them, we ran outside to greet them. but again, my mother is a complete obsessive compulsive about cleaning, it was kinda weird, because when they visited, she couldn't find anything to clean, so she went to my laundry room, pulled out the washer and dryer, and started cleaning UNDER them March is not a good month for me and you come down on me with another one of your orders for us to follow. If you feel that you are hurting us by doing this wrong it is only causing you the problems. You cause your own demise and blame it on others. Look at your life and the way you treat people. You can be a real wench. Start acting like the way you want to be treated and it will come back to you triple but visa versa you be mean it gets you in the @ss every time. Hormones can play into this but not constantly. This letter is from ME your MOM so do not take it out on your sister or father or anyone else. If you have a complaint call or write. and then get over it. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL BUT I HAVE TAKEN ALL I CAN TAKE I AM AT MY BREAKING POINT AGAIN AND I CAN NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO SLIP BACKWARDS AGAIN. Remember to read ,digest, contemplate, then react to this situation. Your future can be affected by the way you treat me and the rest of your family. This is not a threat. We have dealt continuously with you and you have not given much in return. The Heart strings have been pulled to tight this time and I am letting you have it. Sorry!!!!! Remember that you may feel this way too. Get back to me with your feelings whenever.

Thank you That would be great advice... and i would love to do that, but with us living so far away that doesn't seem possible... oh yeah, not to mention my parents don't believe in that 'psycho-babble'(their words)... because you know they are all knowing

Hi all. I am very new to this board, and have mostly been reading. The advice here is great, and I thought I would post my dilema here to see what you think. I won't lie, this is a very long (but most say interesting) 'story'.... any advice is appreciated thank you!!! Maybe I should start out with just a little of my childhood.... As a child, my parents were constantly on my case. I had NO privacy, could do NOTHING on my own, wasn't allowed to have friends...ok... let me rephrase that, I could have friends, but the only way we could hang out was over at my house, where my parents could provide constant supervision. I joined my church youth group at one point, hoping that my parents would realize that I was not out to cause havoc... after joining the youth group, my parents informed me they were going to take the position of youth group leader. This meant they were at every function. I also attempted to join my middle school basketball team. While at try-outs, my dad would sit around and yell 'orders' to me from the stands(this was only the try-outs) and I finally had enough, and walked out of the try-outs, only to get to the car, for my dad to basically tell me what a loser I am, and how I cannot take criticism. He then got me involved in a "Parks and Recreation" basketball team, and he only 'allowed' that, because he was the asst. coach. At 16 I started dating what I thought to be my "true love". My parents of course did not like him, but I guess they decided to give me a 'chance'. After about 12 months of dating, we had our first (and only) sexual encounter. (now i will be the first to admit it was not the brightest thing to do, considering I had just turned 17, but we did use 2 forms of protection). My parents found out(I am still not sure how, and they still will not tell me) 2 days after it happened, and took me immediately to the local hospital to have testing for pregnancy, and std's ran. The day after all this happened(at the hospital), I came home from school, and the house was completely wired, all the windows were bolted(locked with padlocks from the outside) and the windows and doors had a security alarm on them with a buzzer that sounded even if the alarm was "off". They said this was for my own security, and their own piece of mind, so that I could not sneak out to meet my boyfriend(which i am sure he gave up on me the moment my dad called and threatened to have him put in jail for stagatory(sp) rape AND i had never attempted to leave my house by sneaking out anyway). I ended up having to quit my job, and it honestly got so ridiculous that I could not even swim in our pool, which was 20 ft from the house(it was our own private pool), unless my younger sis(5 years my junior) would come out and 'keep an eye on me', even when I was asked to take out the trash, somebody would have to 'watch' me do this, so i couldn't run(?). Anyway.... I joined the U.S. Navy at 18, my parents convinced me it would be in my best interest to keep my 'hometown' bank, considering I had my credit card through them, and they also said it would be easier if my mom did my monthly bills(mail system in the military isn't that great, so i didn't want my bills to be paid late). I went along with this for several months. I ended up meeting my real true love(been married for 5 years, and we are expecting our 3rd child, our first passed away due to complications). They were not invited to our 'wedding' because when I told them we were thinking of marriage, my parents said they would stop at nothing to stop the marriage. My parents have never approved of my spouse, because he is 'one of those people'... which i am still not sure what they mean, it's either a) hispanic or b) he was brought up in a 'poor' family, that doesn't have alot of values..(my husband himself does have many values and morals, and he honestly is a great husband that works very hard to give us what we need/want) i have tried to distance myself from them, but nothing seems to work... example... i didn't call them for 2 weeks, so my mom called the local police and had them come to my house, and call her in front of them! she told them there was a family emergency and i needed to be contacted asap(the emergency was that a 3rd cousin i never met, passed away at like 89 years old!) OK.... now the situation at hand.... My parents are constantly calling asking if they can take our 2 year old son for a week or 2... i say no, i don't feel comfortable with the fact that they live 9+ hours away. It honestly has become a weekly thing... my dad once threatened to sue for grandparent's rights(they have NEVER had a long term relationship with our son... just when WE take him to visit, which is kinda hard considering my husband is in the military, and we try to spend as much time with him as possible, because he works so much). We have endured 'guilt trips' (mom has recently started having occasional seizures, and they cannot find the problem.. she now takes 9 or more meds a day for them) my dad will call saying "It would make your mother so happy... what if she dies tomorrow, and C(our son) never got to know her."... we have also dealt with the constant threat of grandparent's rights... "if you don't let him come down here, we will sue you!"... even though i have told them they are more then welcome to come visit us here, considering they do have more money to travel on then we do... AND that traveling in a car with a 2 year old for 9+ hours isn't exactly the ideal way to travel! We spend every xmas with them (usually 5 days) which does tick my husband off, because he really does not feel comfortable in my parents house, but he does it for me. i am just at a complete loss... i am 33 weeks pregnant, and i have been belittled every single time i talk with my parents "you will never amount to anything... this is why we had to be so stern with you.. we didn't want you to end up pregnant and barefoot... blah blah blah" (i am a college student, and completed 4 years of military service, which i am very proud about)... i just don't know where to turn anymore... if you have made it this far... thank you so much! any advice is appreciated...