jadm45

thats pretty extreme and id have to kick him to the curb, im sorry to say - mine never went to such extremes as asking me to cover my face during sex, that right there would have done it for me. he's pretty naive thinking an online bimbo cared about him - i mean lookit me, i met MY hub online and im just as dumb ... now im realising.

ive always been an optimist by heart

i see your point and can respect it. - have you been through a similar thing - by chance? Im asking out of curiosity. i mean the online thing.

no not yet

as a matter of fact there hasnt been a day gone by these past 4+ years i havnt loved him any less than the 1rst day i met him and i have always told him so. can u imagine how intense it is to look at the person and still feel the same excitement you did as your first meeting?

very much, very very much.

thats what i have done a couple times. he knows of my insecurity and the resulting actions of it - i have explained to him on 2 occasions (without berrating him) when he questioned my actions that "this is the way i am feeling now" ...and ... i have asked him to help me in dealing with it. im no longer angry about what happened, at least as long as something doesnt trigger it back into the forefront, but i must admit not a day passes i dont think of it (not intentionally), then i catch myself and try to file it away and move on. the trust is now a HUGE issue and i have been told it'll come back with time ..? i sure hope so because prior to this i was outgoing, Easygoing and very independent minded - i d love to find that person once again and be happy.

I agree with you and yes he pretty much stopped using the computer after all that , thank you for setting things more into perspective from the male side. I have held it in so long and waited for it to "go away"... i never considered looking for a place like this to discuss it, nor do i have anyone in real life friendwise at the moment (we just moved down here).

thank you for your male input, i appreciate it.

I am a committed woman but not stupid, yes i agree with the fact he'd most likely been doing it prior to me, i DO know for a fact he hasnt done it online since as he never even will use the computer now. i love the man, other than his online satisfaction he has brought so much happiness into my life and been a good friend. i am not able to just "throw away" the past 4 years yet of what we have accomplished together since this happened. I know he needs to earn back my trust and i dont want to stay the person i have become since all this happened, i do not even like myself as i am now. i have "never" talked anywhere or to anyone about this. yes i have considered leaving him more than once but aside from that one event .... well to my knowledge nothing else has occurred online or in real life. im sorry, im so confused.

Hello I'm new obviously here. Im 43 and have now been remarried over 4 years to a man i met online. We met and he visited a few times from England and we got along great...his 3rd trip over here (8 months into our relationship) we got married and he stayed. at the time he couldnt work yet (immigration) and i did, so he stayed home and putted around the house and on the computer. during this time i would try to phone from work and yes he was online alot so i couldnt get through. i questioned him what he was doing online so much ect ect but he would deny any wrong doing. after a couple days i put a keylogger on my computer because something wasnt right i felt - to make a long story shorter yes he'd been having cybersex and chatting with other women, the dilogue i read broke my heart in two - telling these women he was divorced ect after us only being married 8 days!! at the time he seemed sorry when i confronted him (thats a whole other drama) but here i am over 4 years later and im still as heartbroke as day 1. the whole computer thing and him lying to me burnt all trust in him i had, when i think about us getting married it makes me cry because then i remember him cheating online only 8 days later (and he obviously had been doing it prior) ... i have tried desperatly to forget it, forgive him and move on with our life but then again i catch him in one small lie about something insignificant and it all resurfaces (example he told me one evening when he was late coming from work he'd had to give a female coworker a ride home). i have no trust and no respect for him, ive become insecure, jealous, i blow up at the drop of a hat, i cry all of the time and am depressed. Is there any relief? he knows how difficult this has been for me as we have talked about it but he has given me no reason to trust him again - he says he has but thats in HIS mind. i loved him so very much. and just want to let this GO. its so bad yes i have thought about suicide not due to him but because of the mental torture this is causing me - i even told him so once and he shrugged me off and went to work telling me to 'get over it'. - well, thanks for listening anyhow.