Okay, so this is my sob story. I met this guy a few months ago, we hit it off really great. I mean, it was like love at first sight for both of us. His friends thought I was great, his family thought I was great. He thought I could walk on water. We were both totally in love, he was my first real relationship. I've never been that close to anyone in my whole entire life. It was wonderful.
About six months before I met him, his ex-wife had divorced him. They had only been married for a couple years. Well, once he and me started going together, she got jealous. She started a bunch of rumors and lies about me. Everyone believed her. They all thought I was crazy and wouldn't listen to me. (I do have a history of depression, have to take meds, which my bf knew about). He started cracking a bunch of jokes about crazy people, which he knew would hurt me. But then he asked me to go out to eat with him and when I got in the car, he told me that he and her were back together and it'd be best if I left, that he had important business to take care of. Huh?? I was so hurt, but I tried to keep in contact with him. He still wouldn't hardly talk me and I finally found out what had happened. He started to warm up to me, for awhile he couldn't decide who to go with. But then I went to visit him again (he and a bunch of friends and family were having a get-together) and SHE was there and she told me he and her were back together for good, that she had moved back in with him. His friends started rubbing it in how she and him were together, how I didn't have a boyfriend. Him and her went off alone together two or three times and everyone made sure I knew they were going at it. I would've left but I was just so much in shock and in pain that I couldn't hardly move.
I could tell he was uncomfortable and then when I finally just broke down and cried and he was surprised! Then he just put his arm around me and made everyone back off. Oh, SHE didn't like that at all. She had really been enjoying herself. I told him I loved him. He just held me like that for an hour and let me cry. He was really mad at the others, especially HER (he should've been mad at himself for letting it happen). Everyone was really nice to me the rest of my time there. SHE was super super nice to me. But -- he still went back to her. He said him and me could still be friends. I left and went to the gas station to get gas. He followed me out there, pulled in, and sat there in his truck looking at me. I turned around and saw him and that's when he sped off. That was the last time I saw him.
That was six months ago. I still can't get over him. I think about him all the time. I keep seeing him and her together in my head. It hurts so bad. I'm tempted to e-mail him, if nothing else just to say "hi". I doubt it'd do any good. Apparently he's happy with her; I saw somewhere where she's using his last name again so looks like they've gotten remarried. I'm trying so hard to get over him but still end up hoping he'll come back. I try so hard to stay occupied to keep from thinking about him but still end up thinking about him anyway. I've lost my will to live. I think constantly about how much I want to die. There's no escape from the pain, it hurts so bad. I've never been this depressed in my life. I've never been this much in pain in my whole life. I've never wanted to die sooooo much. I pray every night to die. I pray every night that it'll just end. I can't stand it. I've tried everything. My mom even had me committed to the hospital for a couple months because she was afraid I was going to kill myself. I'm now in this outpatient hospitalization program. I'm still so depressed though. I still want to die.
I wonder sometimes if I really am crazy. Maybe he was right to break up with me. I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing helps. I still love him so much. I don't know what to do. As pathetic as it sounds, the only thing keeping me alive is thinking how he'll have me there if she does leave him again. I don't know how to stop loving him. I don't know how to get the pain to stop.
