Cookiefee

Thanks everyone, I decided to give him another chance, but I think I did punish him for the time in between, and he realizes what he could have lost. I could be wrong, and he could cheat again, but for right now, I dont want to think that way. I layed down the line, saying if anything like that happens again, I dont care how much we love each other, we will just be over, and I will stand by that. We talked about everything, and faught, and I even talked to the girl and saw her. I feel better about the situation, although I will never forget, I will try to forgive, and move on with the relationship. He tried explaining everything to me, and although the answer wasnt clear, I have an understanding of exactly what had happened. Our relationshp is worth giving another try, and although things will be different, we are both trying to get back to where we used to be, and all I can do now is pray to god this is what was supposed to happen. So hopefully I wont have a reason to post any of my problems again on this board, but I just wanted to say that this is a really nice website with good response time and quality. For everyone who responded I just want to say thank you!

Before all of this occurred, i had never hit him, and he never hit me period. We would argue about stupid things, nothing serious ever, thats why i never suspected anything. I know what you are saying about the affair, and i met with the girl one night and we talked for liek 2 hours, and she told me that it wasnt like that, i mean, i know he loves me. Your post made me think though, the part you said about how maybe he is doing all of this because he wants to believe he is good enough for me..thats a good way of looking at it. I told him i would never feel the same even if we got back together, and he said he could deal with it because he needs me. HE also says he cant stand the thought of me being with anyone else! I agree about couseling, but seriously not about the violence, its not that serious of a matter. I felt good about myself through our relationship, my self esteem was at a all time high, and he was the first person i put my trust in ever. Of course sometimes i would ask him who girls were he was walking with, but it was never to a level where i was accusing him of anything or assuming anything. One time he accused me of cheating (when i didnt) and from that point on i felt we became closer

About me hitting him, it was only because he was holding on to me not letting me go, i wasnt purposly attacking him, i was just trying to escape from his presense

He is really emotional about it, i dont think he can be faking it, he is hysterically crying and holding on to me like he is about to die if i leave

My relationship with my boyfriend was perfect for 6 monthes, we go to college together, and are both on the soccer team, and practically lived with each other. He worked on the weekends, so I went home with him (We live close to each other) not because I didnt trust him, because he didnt trust me (Even though I had always been faithful). He spent christmas at my house with my family, and I had gotten him a cellphone and he got me a gold necklace, everything was perfect. I never suspected him of cheating, I always trusted him. After the month of christmas break we moved back to school, and still coming home on the weekends. I suspected he was getting bored of me, but then i made efforts to please him more and make everything better, realizing it was probably my insecurities that things seem a little weird. I got over it, knowing I had not done anything wrong. things seemed to get better and better, until the weekend before valentines day. I tried to put money on his cellphone(it was prepaid) and I saw he was talking to a girl he used to hook up with over the summer, and acctually calling her before me after he got off of work. I didnt say anything for a week, trying to get myself to say the right thing. I confronted him, and he said they were just friends, and looked me in the eye and said he hadnt gone to see her, and i am the only one. LIED. I just took that, and after that talk, he was with me 24/7 not leaving any room for me to think he was cheating on me. Things were better than ever, everything was great between us like it hadnt been before, i saw a change in him. During spring break, we went to Virginia Beach for vacation. She had called his cellphone while he was at the gym. I picked up and asked her what was going on because she called him like four times a day. She told me everything. They had hooked up 3 times, hung out five times since january. He was doing this while i was sittin in my bed dreaming about him. I realized all the dates he did this to me as well, i remember him saying he was tired from work and just giong to bed. One time was during a snow storm, when earlier in the day i had almost died driving to his work to give him something he needed, that night he risked his life to see this girl instead of me. another night was the friday before valentines day. We had sex all the time, we never fought, everything was perfect, even after meeting with this girl, she has nothing over me, so it wasnt physical. I cant understand this. He tells me he is changed now, he had been changed for a while and that he doesnt know why he did it, and he is sorry. I love him and want to be with him, and i am seeing myself making excuses for his actions, but there really is no excuse. I know i dont need him, but i am afraid along down the line i will want him back, and also as well i believe that he wont do this again. he is so in love with me, and i really think that this has been a lesson for him, but i just keep thinking about how messed up the situation was. I am taking it personally because he would rather see her than me? i cant understand it, i just wish i never met him at this point, i cant get away from him now, we live in the same dorm, we both play soccer, and he lives five minutes from my home. he wont let up, I beat him up about 4 times, bloody noses, I poured hot tea on him, I am not being nice to him, and he wont let up. I just wish i could forget evetything and start new again, but i dont think i could be the women i once was to him even if we do get back together, im trying to break it off with him, but thre is always somthing holding on between us. He wants to move in together and get married and have my kids. Right now, i just feel like being single again. I am only 20 and he is 22, he is black and I am white, not like any of that matters, because we had such deep love for one another, and to tell you the truth it is still there. He went to my house and talked to my parents how much he loved me, race was never an issue to anyone just so you guys know. He has bought me things, plants ect. he posted papers all over campus saying he loves me, brought me out to eat, everthing. I know he is sorry, and i know he loves me, but i dont know if it is going to work out. he had stopped hanging out with her right after the incident before valentines day on his own discretion, telling her that he didnt want to see her anymore before i confronted him about anything, but the fact is he still did it, and i just need some response to my situation.