angel1211

I've been with my gf for almost a year and a half. We were having great sex until a few months she has been uninterested and says she is either tired or not in the mood. When we do actually engage in sex, I am doing all the work. She told me she just got off of birth control and claims that it is causing hormonal changes and probably why she is not that into sex as much as she use to. Is that true? Can birth control affect a woman's libido?

Well, its frustrating me and making me feel really unwanted and angry. She says she is in love with me and still finds me attractive. I asked her if she was interested in someone else or having an affair and she swears on our relationship it is none of the above. Plus, she doesnt give me reason to suspect any foul play. I dont know what to think and feel right now. Ladies, some insight on this problem please, thanks.

I've been seeing my gf for about a year and a half. In the beginning she told me that she dated her best friend's brother for about 7 months. According to her, she liked him, but did not want to get seriously involved, so, of course, sex was involved. I have been having issues since she told me about her going to her house knowing that her brother might be there. Sure, the past is the past, but it still makes me uncomfortable. The issue came up again tonight and of course, we argued. I hate feeling like this but it just gets to me when she tells me she is going over to her house. She knows how I feel and she doesnt go over too often anymore because of me. When she does plan to go over, I become all quiet and distance myself. She hates it when I do that, in fact, she tells me that its not going to work if I still react this way when she plans to go over. Why do I feel like she has to chose b/w me and her best friend? You know, I feel bad but I cant help it. What do you think about this situation?

Hang in there sillygurl. You have to be strong while in NC. It takes a lot from someone to initiate NC. I've done it in the past and it works wonders. If you fall back for any reason, you can always pick yourself back up again and start where you left off.

I believe no contact is only for you. You are trying to get yourself situated within. It's true that it could backfire and you will not end up with her.

So majord123, what happens when you get dumped, make a decision to move on and not look back but the dumper decides she made a mistake all within 48 hours. So I take her back but then start wondering if I made a hasty decision too take her back so quick. It doesn't matter, we are together and we both just want things to really work out. Is that possible?

I'm a 33 year old male dating a 24 year old female. It's been 6 months and it sure has been a roller coaster ride. We have our similarities and definitely our differences but for some strange reason there is something that keeps us together. I get frustrated sometimes because I am at a stage where I want to settle and she is at a stage where she is finding herself. It takes a lot of self sacrifice. It all boils down to how you handle things. It also takes a lot of patience and understanding. I love her with all my heart and she does the same. It's been tough but we are still together. I believe it can work if you set your mind it. Don't give up. Good Luck.

Glad to hear that you are feeling better RS. Dakota, I bet it sure does suck when you see your ex. I'm sure it sucks even more that she doesn't even acknowledge you. Women are really hard to read and sometimes hard to understand. Makes you wonder why they do certain things. I'm not gonna quit my job because I will be running into her. Like you, i'm going to suck it up and deal with it. Eventually, it will get easier. Time is the key. I look back to 3 and a half months ago and there I was in shock and disbelief. I was hurt to the very core. Now it is different for all of us. We don't realize it but we are getting better and making it through this. A friend told me once, if something ever happened to you, for example a terrible car accident, death (god forbid), would you want to go out miserble? (Sorry, kinda gruesome, just trying to make a point) You don't know what could happen to you the next day, the next minute. I force myself to be positive every single day so if god should call, I will not leave this earth unhappy. I hope i'm making some kinda sense.

RS and Dakota,

I discovered a powerful stage that I have been hoping to come by someday. I have barely touched the surface of ACCEPTANCE and boy does it make me feel better. When you accept things the way they are, your outlook on life is much more positive. It will happen to each of us when we are ready. Don't get me wrong, like I said, I am just barely scraping the surface of ACCEPTANCE and it amazingly feels good.

Hey Dakota, question on guilt. Do you have to physically apologize to the ex about the things that may have hurt her in the past or is it something I can resolve on my own? At this point in time, even if it has been over 3 months, I dont feel comfortable comfronting her about anything.

you know, i remember asking her the same thing as well. she told me if it was her choice, she would marry me. but because her background is muslim and i, christian, it would never have the approval of her parents. i dont know if i mentioned this to you or another member but her parents had found her someone to possibly marry within her own race and culture. she made her choice not be with me so she cant possibly say it wasnt her choice. i guess blood is really thicker than water.

what is really amazing is that how can someone who says she loves you so much, give you up for someone your parents agree with. so while my heart still continues to mend, she moves on and gets involved with someone else. i dont know what hurts more, a woman leaving because she is sick and tired of you or a woman leaving you because her culture demands it.

Hey RS, you are so right when you say that getting over someone will be around the anniversary date. To that next month will make what would have been a year is really scary. I really hope that I am really busy that day and I will not even come to mind. If she broke up with after a year, I think it would have been harder. So in a way, i'm glad she did it earlier knowing that there wouldnt be a future for us. I'm already half way there in healing. At least she was honest right.

Thanks Softmoonlight. That was very nice for you to say. I think I need to change this date of the month as a time of celebration. Instead of sulking every 7th of the month, I think I will enjoy myself in some form. In fact, July 7th will be great right! Thanks again for the encouragement and you are right, the shortest ones are always the hardest and this is definitely hard but I believe it will get easier.

thanks again

Well, she ended it because of cultural differences. She's muslim, i'm christian. parents had found a suitor for her and being the obedient daughter, listened to her parents. gave me up very easily, well, that's how it seemed to me. she claims from the start of our relationship that i knew what could happen. true, but i didnt know i would fall deep in love with her, go figure. she wanted to be friends (violin playing in the background). we all know how that works. she was upset because she claims i understood her "SITUATION" but how (scratching my head). told her i needed space and put the NC sign on the front door. here i am 3 months later.

sorry for the background info but when i do see her, i havent ran into in over a month btw, its awkward to me. we were once close and now we are strangers. i'll say hi and give her a fake smile but that is all i can do. i dont think she hates me for not speaking to her and i believe she would respond as any other coworker. what's funny is that she still asks about me through coworkers who end up telling me. from what i gather, she is very inquisitive in what i am up to. oh, did i mention that i would call her when i was ready to talk to her. she said, back then, that she is not gonna wait by the phone for my call. (still scratching my head)

you are absolutely right about using what we learned for the next one because the next could be the "ONE".

take care my friend

I'm sure it was difficult seeing her at the gym. When I go to work, I always wonder if I am going to run into her. I have to just face the fact that we work in the same building and that I will have to see her. It would be nice to someday look back at this and wonder what in the world was I thinking. All I can say is that this is another learning experience and that we can only get stronger from this.

Saw one of your post's Dakota and it is really hard to bump into someone that you once loved, cared for, and shared many things with. It's weird how things change from closeness to distant beings. Does that make sense? I mean, you see her and you don't know what to think or feel. It hurts to see her and it stirs up old memories. I ran into a month ago at work, I had no idea what to say or think. I just said hi and that was it.

I'm sure one day we will all look back at this a laugh in a good way.

Wow, haven't posted in awhile and when i saw your message it reminded me of mine. I was with my ex for 8 months as well and today makes 3 months since breakup. You know what, i do still think about her and wonder how she is doing and if she still thinks about me. Instead of school, i run into her at work but i try to avoid it as much as possible. i maintained strict NC to heal. So far there has been no contact. I have urges to call but then i tell myself what good would that do for me. She hasnt made any attempt to contact me except at work when she asks coworkers about me and i end up hearing it from them. To me, i dont know if that is good or bad. I hate hearing things from coworkers about her and what she is up to. It still hurts but not as bad 3 months ago.

So today makes 3 months since break up and I still think about her, not as much though. An 8 month relationship isnt that long but the way I felt about her was very true and deep. It truly did cut like a knife. Sometimes I wish I could just stop thinking about her completely. 3 months seems like its been a long time but i'm sure it isn't. I've had longer relationships that ranged from 1 to 5 years and it took at least a year to get over them and sometimes more. I guess my question is, will it take less time to get over someone of only 8 months?

I was involved with a girl for 8 months, in fact, i was in love with her more than my daughter's mother. I think the way you actually feel about someone plays a factor on how long it will take to recover. For me, its been exactly 3 months to the day since she broke up with me and I still think about her and still hurt, but not as bad as I was 3 months ago. I think length of time and how you spent your days together also is another factor in healing. Did you spend a lot of your time together or was it maybe 2-3 times a week?

Thanks for the advice. I am looking forward, remarkbly, to the future and what god has planned for me. I'm telling myself today that I think it is time to get myself out of this depressed stage. See on the outside no one sees how I am truly feeling but deep down inside my soul crumbles. I'm not getting any younger and I dream of getting married and having a wonderful family one day. I believe god has plans for me and all of us. Thinks happen for a reason. I decided to post what I was thinking at the very moment because how it made me feel. For a few minutes, I thought about the day I would actually get married to that special someone, whoever you are. It made me very happy even for that moment. I guess it beats thinking about the past. Have a great holiday everyone.

Its been almost 3 months since she broke up with me. The first month and a half adrenaline kicked in and i was doing things to forget about her. I thought i was doing good. Now of all sudden things slow down and her ghost is haunting me. I was with her for only 8 months but i really fell for her. She left because I am not of her race and her religion(Muslim) and her parents had arranged a suitor for her. She gave me up to please her parents, so she says. She loved me, i know that. This one is difficult to get over because it is so hard to understand. I told her NC almost 3 months ago. It has helped me get my mind together but now lonliness and memories are creeping up at me. Is this normal, do i need more time? Am i still clinging onto something that has been gone 3 months ago?

Ocean9, hang in there bud. I was there almost 7 weeks ago. I know what you are going through. Can you block her numbers? Hearing her voice can really do numbers on a guy, especially when you are trying to get over her. It plays tricks on your mind and sometimes you give in. Dont give in my friend. Try thinking of the consequences if you do call her. Write it down and read it yourself. You may surprise yourself on what you write down. Take care.

No contact, for me, is the best decision I ever made. Dont get me wrong, its not easy, but it does help in the longrun.

Well my friend, unfortunately you are not the only one, fortunately we are all here to help each other. Im sure it must be hard for you right now, as it is for me. My ex left me almost 7 weeks ago. Mentally I have moved on but my heart still needs mending. I think about her, STILL, everyday but not as hard as I use to 7 weeks ago. I guess that is progress but somehow life at this point seems bland. Im at the anger stage where I am starting to hate her and I dont want to feel that way but I do. TIME is helping but it does take awhile. Give it some time my friend and stay strong for yourself.

Thanks for the advice Belinda. Good to hear from a woman's point of view. Much mahalo(thanks in Hawaiian) and thank you.

aloha

Thanks for the quick replies all. Belinda, I am definitely not tempted to have contact with her whatsoever. I dont have any reason to. We are over and I have realized that. She is the one who, I feel, is trying to get my attention. From day 1 after breakup, she wanted to maintain a close friendship right after. I couldnt do it because that is not what I wanted. I alot of important things going on my life right now. She goes through coworkers, who are common friends, and keeps tabs on what is happening with me and people I work with (because most are females, some she hates).

I cant afford to move to another hospital because it works with my current schedule. I wish it were that easy but I had already thought of that option.