angel1211

Hi all, its been 6 weeks since breakup and maintaining no contact. Its been good but the only problem is that we work in the same hospital but different floors, thank god. We still have to run into each other. If I know that she will be transporting a patient to my floor, I make sure im not in the area when she is there and will return after she has gone. Sometimes I feel like she is purposely trying to run into me to start a conversation.

A friend told me that I should face my fears. I just dont want old feelings to stir up if i do see her. If i run into her, i dont mind saying "hi" to her but thats basically all i would want to say. If i am able to avoid her, then i should, right? What do you guys think?

its very different for each person. i decided on no contact for myself because i wanted to get better. i didnt want to prolong my pain. she wanted to be friends right away which is very impossible after ending a serious relationship. it was a tough decision but in order to possibly have a friendship down the road (which might never happen, but anything is possible) i needed my space from her which meant no contact in any shape or form. of course, this upset her but she made a choice for herself and thereforeeee, i made a choice for myself too. she says that not only was i her bf but her best friend and she didnt want to lose that too. it was hard but it has been over 5 weeks and i have no regrets.

she has tried to find some ways to contact me. we work in the same building and have common coworkers who are friends. it turns out that they have become her way in keeping tabs on me. thats fine, as long as it doesnt end up into being a stalker.

i ran into her a week ago and it was very awkward and it stirred up old feelings. i kept my cool, hid my emotions and said hello, that was it. that made me realize that i still need more time and definitely no contact.

since 5 weeks ago, i have not the urge to contact her. dont know why, i guess i realize that fighting it would not change a thing. i told myself that i would rather invest that energy that i could have wasted on chasing her into me. im really proud of myself for doing that. i hope this helps you in some way. stay strong

Idelion,

it seems as though you are still in shock and denial. this is very natural and a process you are going through. are you currently doing no contact? what i did for myself was to get rid of my ex from all my instant messaging lists so i cant see when she's online and vice versa. give it a couple of weeks with absolutely no contact in any way even through your computer and your mind can start to refocus. i know TIME seems like forever but it will pass. hang in there bud.

"If you love something set it free, if it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it"

I think they all don't wanna let me go and my girl wants me to be there if things don't work out for her.

She broke up with me because I am Christian and she is Muslim. We are also from different races. Almost 6 weeks ago she broke the news that her parents had set up a suitor for her for possible "arranged marriage." We both live her in California but you would think, since being in the United States, that their ways would not be as strict, but I guess I was wrong. She made a decision to follow her parents and to give me up. I've accepted that and I am trying to move on, slowly, but surely.

Going back to what you have said Liasonred, it seems as if she wants me around just in case things go wrong for her. She wanted to friends right away and I told her that I need space to get over her. She's been good in not calling, emailing, texting and so on but when it comes to work, she has many opportunities to find out about me. I dont understand why she has to find out if i'm working or not or talk to coworkers her are common friends and ask them why I am not talking to her. Geez, I just need my space and no contact, which means indirectly too!!!

I guess I have to put up with it and let time numb me running into her.

So I had to work today hoping that I did not have to run into my ex. I didn't know if she was on or off and I really hate surprises. Of course, co-workers have to be the ones who will tell you who they supposedly "ran into." I hate that so much. They already know that we are not together but why do they have to tell me that they ran into her today.

Anyway, half the day goes by and I figured to myself maybe I can actually have piece of mind and end this day gallantly without any run-ins with the ex. Come to find out, she had been calling up co-workers on my unit in the hospital we both work and asking who was working. Of course, her whole intention was to find out if I was working today.

I don't get it. She left me but she is still keeping tabs on me? I'm doing my part in no contact, why isnt she? Why does she insist on wondering what I am up to? I wanna be left alone and I had told her twice. I know she isnt really contacting me directly but she is using my coworkers to do so.

She had to transfer a patient to my unit today and I made sure I was not there when she did. I hate running away from my problems but I really did not want to see her after what happened the last time I did. I did not want to be set back again. Can somebody tell me why she insists on inquiring about me?

If you truly believe that you want to move on with your life then you will realize that no contact is one of the best remedies. As for me, I did have some urges but not to the point where I gave in because I realize it would set me back and I would hate to start the healing process all over again. That is the biggest reason I would rather not contact her and I would be terribly upset if she had contacted me because she does not respect my feelings. I convinced myself that this is the best prescription to move on and I'm definitely sticking to it, but that's just me.

take care

edudlooc13

that was a good post, i never thought of it that way. i will run into her but im sure the feelings and thoughts will eventually subside.

thanks again

its funny because i have those thoughts too. i have always wanted the american dream, to have a family, a house with a white picket fence, but then you ask yourself, how long will that last? being alone means no one will hurt you and bring you down, but then again, you will still be alone and single.

for me, i take these chances because you will never know which card will be dealt to you next. it may be the person you spend 15-20 years with or someone you spend 15-20 months with. but if i find myself being dumped 4 more times, then i must seriously have a problem.

I ran into my ex a few days ago at work unexpectedly. Unfortunately we work in the same hospital but I thank god we are on different floors. It was hard and very awkward to see her. I said hi and she replied back and that was all I could say to her.

The rest of my day was not as great. I felt like it made me take a step back. Just when my thoughts of her were getting less, I see her and my thoughts refocus on her again. It took a whole day to get over that.

I'm sure this is normal but I would like to know for sure from others how they have handled the situation. My running into her is inevitable because we work in the same hospital. I'm sure curious to hear what you guys think. Thanks

I've been there done that and doing it again, unfortunately. This is my 4th serious breakup and you still go through the emotions. You would think that the next time it happens it will be much easier but you cant avoid the pain and heartache. I can tell you this much, at least I know what to expect and how to overcome the situation.

I am currently going through the process again but I realize it is not forever. I have been through the worst and managed to climb out of that deep trench I fell into. Its true, you must feel your pain and you must definitely own it. As a dumpee 4 times, having no contact is the best thing because it permits you to take a step "out of the box" and see what is actually happening. Ast TIME goes on, you start to realize things. There will be setbacks (totally natural) but the next day will be much better. It will be a roller coaster ride for awhile so buckle up and hang in there.

You will eventually move on at your own speed. It's the truth. It is all up to on how long you want to hold onto that pain. My best advice is to focus on yourself.

Aloha

hi sadCara,

im glad you are feeling better today. it will be a roller coaster ride for now but enjoy the good moments. concentrate on your future. did you know sunshine is a natural antidepressant? it is and it works wonders.

have a great day

Wow, these are all really good posts. It's really helpful to see everyone's point of view. I know for a fact that i don't want anything serious at this time. I have also explained to these women that i'm not about to get into another relationship. I ran into my ex yesterday at work and it was very awkward. I said hi but didn't really know how to feel. It kinda bummed the rest of my work day because seeing her just stirred up old feelings. I guess it made me realize that I am still not over her yet.

Yes, our emotional involvement was serious and she left me because her culture(mostly parents) permit her not to be involved with someone of her race and religion. It's very hard to understand but what is the point of dwelling on it right.

After hanging out with someone else, I still end up thinking about her after. I guess I need to give it more time.

Thank you everyone

It's been over a month since my ex broke up with me. I made a decision for myself to have no contact and to move on. There have been a few women that I have already passionately kissed. One of them, I may eventually get even closer with and I don't mean another relationship. My question is, is it okay to do these things without thoroughly going through the grieving process or am I just setting myself up for another downfall?

I was with my ex for only 8 months and we saw each other, probably, 3 times a week. Does quality of time spent together play an important role in the grieving process?

dear sadCara, it seems like you are willing to sacrifice your happiness for someone who cant be there for you the you want him to. that would be really hard for me to do. i tried the "we can be friends" thing but that is what she wanted, not me. knowing that she is moving on with her life, even though she says its not her choice, is basically one sided and unfair for me. please take care of yourself

sadCara, one thing you have to realize is how it would affect his life if he chose to be with you. his parents would disapprove and possibly be disowned. their family would be somewhat tarnished and im sure it would affect the rest of the family members as well. i tried my best to understand this from a friend who is muslim and to this point i dont no whether to be upset or to just let things be. its really hard to understand. i had to let my feelings go because(still healing though)i dont want her to lose her family and have her family tarnished in any way. i just have to move on with my life and hopefully we can come together as friends someday. my advice is to take a step back and breathe. i know its hard but force yourself so you can have a clearer mind which will give you a better understanding about the situation.

take care of yourself

wow, when i saw your post i was shocked because i was in the same situation. my now, exgirlfriend, who is also persian broke up with me a month ago because her parents had set someone up for her to possibly marry. i just could not understand this because she loved me a lot and i loved her a lot. we were perfect for each other. it felt like she was my soulmate and now she is gone because of her culture. i researched arranged marriages online and it still doesnt make sense to me. it was so hard for me but i had to accept the situation. she wanted to continue as "friends" but how could we be just "friends?" it made me realize how strong someone's culture can be and how sometimes love is not enough. yes, i admit, i was forewarned 8 months ago, but i thought there was some hope of some kind of a future. i dont think i will ever understand her situation but i have to respect it. i decided on "no contact" despite her pleas to be friends right away. i told her i needed space to get over her and she didnt understand that. it all comes down to thinking about yourself before you can think of others. it hurts to know that i cant be there for her but it is also hard for me as well. this decision, so far, is working out for the best.

it's been almost a month since she left me due to uncontrollabe reasons, i guess. no contact does help, it may not seem that way at first, but trust me, if you can make it through a week, you can make it through another. you will definitely have setbacks like a call, email, text, whatever...stay strong and stick to your guns. if you have to, tell her again that you need your space. if she doesnt understand that, then she doesnt respect your feelings. here's what i have done for myself:

1. no contact-verbally told her (twice)

2. keep busy and whatever you do, dont stay at home

3. join the gym and take out your frustrations at the gym, plus it helps in

releasing endorphins

4. go out with friends as much as you can, people who care about you and

will boost your ego

5. get a calendar and plan each time for each day for a whole month

6. do something you that you thought you could never do like: parasailing

or something

7. accept what you are feeling: the pain, the sadness

8. dont deny yourself from what you are feeling and at the same dont

dwell on it

9. make short term goals so you can see yourself accomplish them, it will

make you proud of yourself

10. expose yourself to the sun as much as you can, it helps with depression

11. stay away from drinking too much because it will make you more depressed

12. seek a counselor to help you figure out your thoughts. you need someone to steer you into the right direction

well, i hope some of this helps. from years of experience and break ups in the past, i used this prescription for myself and i have managed to pull myself out of some very deep holes.

good luck and take care