CrazyWife

I was exactly like that during university and was an A student with only one B to my name. I was crushed when I got that B it may as well have been a F to me! Seen so many just get a passing grade and not care. I done uni work every night and felt bad if I took a day off.

Looking at exploring this with a therapist I have went to in the past as I have touched on this before but never fully explored it

We have just moved home (I forgot to mention this part!) and away from two nightmare neighbours and work was my refuge. I do find being a parent difficult and can at times feel a failure at it.

Yeah as I feel I can also over indulge in food if I am stressed or go back to cigarette smoking too. I need better outlets and just need to balance everything out better

Thanks for your responses. I do feel I may have traits of an addictive personality. I do wonder if I pull focus on something so intensely where I feel in control. I can struggle with the stresses of parenthood at times and lack confidence as a parent on occasion. I may need to find a better outlet for all this rather than becoming obsessed with work and seeking outside validation of my self worth. I should feel lucky I have family and friends who love me.

Thank you for your response. I have done some digging and yes I have always taken my job seriously but it's like I stopped drinking which as an addict was a main focus and then it went to work. Was out at a birthday party today trying to focus solely on my child but kept thinking of work but at the same time knowing that I had to address this problem. Wanting to focus on being healthier/ getting back to the gym and perhaps moving to a less intense area of work which may be more beneficial changes to make, especially for my self esteem.

Maybe I just want to prove dedication to my role and that I'm actually good at something? Maybe a lot of this has to do with self esteem. I don't take criticism of my work well at all. Even constructive criticism as dedicate so much to my work. I use it for my self worth I guess.

Thank you for such a kind and thoughtful comment. I do worry about losing this time with them and have always found that I really can take things to the extreme.

It has been brought up to me that I focus too much on work outside work. That I am very career focused. I have done the following - - Focused on work rather than family and friends - Done work related tasks when out socialising and constantly thinking about work - Get frustrated when others don't do work tasks, meetings on their days off and think of them as having no work ethic - Take over tasks at work or I see them as not getting done properly if left to others I just think about work constantly and have a colleague that calls me all the time about work. I feel I neglect my family for work. I was once an alcoholic and have now stopped drinking. I wonder if I have exchanged alcohol for work. I rely on work for validation too much. I worry that I focus not enough on my family and after discussion with my partner, he said I spend too much time on the phone to colleagues after work rather than spend time with my family. I worry one day I will look up and our children have fled the nest and I missed all the good times because I was just to obsessed with something that will replace me easily if I die tomorrow.

Thank you for your reassuring comments. I need to put my focus and energies on to something better for me.

I wasn't using this grocery store at the time but walking past it as that's where I stop on public transport but I guess I can change that up too until I feel more comfortable again.

Sorry this is happening to you. I understand why you would feel shame as I've been in an abusive relationship. It takes courage to walk away and trust me, the courage is there. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Can you contact a domestic abuse charity or support line for advice? Contact a lawyer to see where you stand with the house? Unfortunately, with any abusive relationship, it will get worse not better. I was with a man who abused substances and he was a Jekyl and Hyde. Fine sober but a nightmare when intoxicated. It's scary as you walk in eggshells waiting for the explosion. Please get advice and support when he is away. It is scary walking away but for your physical and mental health, you need to. Would you contact police for help?

So sorry you went through this. You no way asked for this and it is disgusting that your boyfriend said you were. I had this happen to me when very drunk and can understand the trauma that comes with it. Please seek professional help through a therapist or a rape crisis service. What he done was rape. Do you think you were drugged?

I was thinking of dealing with it as I would my patients. I work in a psych ward. I can get abuse on a daily basis but deal with it as calmly as possible. I think my issue is overthinking the whole thing. I worry about further episodes or violence from him or his associates. I maybe need to let it go. I didn't move too far from him but far enough. The city I stay in isn't too big unfortunately.

I was with friends today and chose not to discuss my ex neighbour as wanted to speak about other things

Spend time with friends, maybe do more meditation, thought records sheets where I challenge my unhelpful thoughts, journalling perhaps.

He is unfortunately taking up a lot of time in my head. I shouldn't let him as got more important things to focus on

It's what I have the tendency to do. But I know I shouldn't as he took souch for two years. I never deserved any of it but he did it anyway. I need to realise that worrying so much about d*cks gets me nowhere. You are right, he is getting all this power over me by me thinking like this.

Yeah best just leaving him to his sad life. No decent person would behave like that.

He was completely behaving like a child today. What adult walks by someone and then screams abuse? He couldn't say it to my face.

Yeah I was on tender hooks around my old house. I tell myself if this was a year from now I would just be thinking how pathetic he is. I wouldn't want my daughter seeing me get into an argument with an a**hole anyways but working in healthcare and behaving like that out in the street, I wouldn't do myself any favours but cause issues for myself.

Maybe I'm letting my anxiety get the better of me. I do still need to go by my old area where I stayed for my daughter's school but never seen him. I just wonder with situations like that, are you better just ignoring rather than saying something back?

No he doesn't know where I stay. This occurred outside a nearby supermarket. Don't know when I would see him next to be honest. He looked startled seeing me. Maybe he thought I moved countries or something lol

I stay in the UK and in the space of a week and a half, I have seen an abusive ex partner at my work along with dealing with an overly aggressive patient at my work (I work in healthcare). Management aware of ex partner and getting support from them. To top off this, I see my ex neighbour from hell who shouted abuse at me. He looked shocked to see me and waited until he was past me to shout "f**king b*tch". Didn't have the guts to say it to my face. We moved not that long ago but didn't move far but to a nicer area. For over two years we put up with antisocial behaviour. Contacting police, antisocial behaviour teams, housing and solicitor. I dread seeing this neighbour again as don't know what to do if he says anything. Do I retaliate by calling him something back? I have kept a log of it but just want to move on. My friends have suggested that I just let it go and report it to police if it occurs again. My defences are down enough due toy week and a half of dealing with a*shoes and I have to deal with this too? I am engaging with a counsellor at the moment so will chat with her next week. I'm just kicking myself as feel that I have shown him he can do that without me saying anything back. But never had a chance anyway as he walked away as I turned around. My neighbour never abused me when I lived there but obviously pissed off about something. He is deranged. I'm overthinking this and going over and over it in my head. Maybe I do need to let it go but worry about being out with my child and abuse starting.

Yes we have moved and the neighbours are fin so far. Hardly see anyone and it's quiet