stateofmind

My ex and I spoke last night. I brought up the subject of relationships, very casually. He said that after our relationship, he realized that relationships just don't work for him because he gave so much of his heart to "us" and in the end we didn't work out. So his feelings are that there's too much sacrifice of a person's inviduality in relationships. He said that he was happy with our friendship becuase there was no obligation between us and he does things for me because he wants to rather than feeling like he has to. I don't know how I feel about this. At least I know now that there is no future for us. I'm glad to have him as a close friend but I wonder if he will hold me back from being with someone else. He does send mixed signals and I know that when I was dating someone else it did bother him. But, I don't think that I should wait around for someone who is so jaded about relationships. I'm really confused and feeling a little numb. I'm adding a little more to this. My ex just left and I feel so sad. We talked a little more about relationships and I know that we won't be going past friendship. I feel so torn. I just want to cry. I really so over him until we started to spend time together.

I posted my story yesterday about my ex. As I am writing this he is in my bed sleeping becuase he's sick. He came to my house to chill out when he wasn't feeling well over going to anyone else's house so I suppose that counts for something. But, I have such a hard time understanding our relationship. We are best friends and are always together. It's just like when we were a couple only we don't ever brooch the subject of geting back together and we refer to each other as just friends. I'm so confused. I need some advice about this. I don't know if I should hope for us to get back together or just except thing the way that they are and move on.[/url]

It's not an issue of the kids not being disiplined for fighting. It's the fact that my ex's mother,( his daughter's grandmother) has so much influence over her. As I stated, the grandmother has convinced her that she is number one and that my son is wrong. This woman wants custody of her and my ex has told me that his mother has done other things in the past to attempt to get his daughter. There is no way to "win" against his mom because she has taken care of his daughter, after school and such, for years. His daughter is very, very close with her grandmother. Because his ex-wife has been such a horrible mother, this child has clung to her grandmother as a mother figure. My ex has always been a good father but an 8 y.o. little girl needs a female figure in her life and the grandmother has filled that role. My main questions is do I wait and hope that we will get back or do I just except that we are friends and move on?

This post is long and I'm sorry but please read it because I think that the background info is important. I dated my ex for 9 months and we lived together for 6. We broke up because of a problem between our kids. He has a son 14 and a daughter 8. I have two boys 15 & 11. His 8 y.o. daughter and my 11 y.o old son never got along. His daughter is somewhat spoiled by her grandmother. Most of the time all four kids were at my place because his ex-wife does'nt care about the kids. It worked until the two youngest really started to not get along. My ex's mother has always wanted custody of his daughter. His mother did alot to fuel the fire between our kids. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore and broke up with me in March. It was so horrible w/o him in my life even though we weren't together that long everything felt so right between us. He made me feel safe and loved for the first time in my life. He wanted to remain friends but I couldn't take it. I didn't talk to him for a while and then we started talking but I kept my distance and I really thought that I had moved on. I even dated someone else briefly. Fast forward to now. I'm not sure how my ex and I got to this point but as of now we are the best of friends, talk everyday and share everything. We spend most of our free time together. Our sons are friends and the two older ones hang out together all the time. The only thing that never happens is his daughter coming around although I see her alot when he and I take her places. I'm still in love with him and I know he still loves me. I don't know if we could ever get back together because of his daughter's grandmother. She has his daughter convinced that everything is my son's fault and that she should come first. That means that all 4 kids never hang out together. And I don't see that changing anytime soon. I'm not even sure that I want the 2 youngest near one another anyway because they do fight so much and it turns the world upside-down when they do. Bottom line, do we have a chance of getting back or is it a lost cause? Should I just keep things the way that they are and hide my feelings or can I somehow convince my ex it could work? Any opinions would be so helpful.