SherrySher

On 5/19/2024 at 11:56 AM, survivor2021 said:

So, my(27M) roommate(same age) during university and one of my close friends, invited me on a trip to Spain. He lives in France and I live in Germany, we recently moved there for job opportunities.

It's been more than one year since we moved and I tell him when I meet him that we should organize a trip together. He told me that he does but with friends who live in the same city as him. I understand that and I do the same too, since it's easier to plan.

He recently invited me to a trip to Spain and I accepted. I'm happy, but I learned that one of the main reasons is that one of the guys he usually travels with has other plans and is not coming... So I wonder how I should take this. It sucks that I feel somehow like a temporary replacement and I believe the next strip if that guy comes back, I won't be part of my friend plans.

Sad part is that my friend planning is usually like this: He ditches some guys for the sake of others, usually girls because he wants to hang out with girls.. but he makes sure he is accompanied by one or two guys.. He did it in the past when I got called at last minute to the cinema with him and a couple of girls he knew... and he invites me for some plans and so do I, but still..

How should I take and handle this in the best way ? What would you ? Any perspective please ?

Honestly, it wouldn't bother me.

It's not that big of a deal. You're thinking too deeply about it and trying to figure out if you're second choice, or not, you're overthinking the whole thing.

Concentrate on seeing beautiful sites, making memories, and enjoying your time, because at the end of the day, that's what truly matters.

10 hours ago, graphicdesigner2005 said:

Thank you for your response. I just started seeing a therapist last week, and she thinks I should end it immediately! But I don't have the courage to end it. I just love having sex with him and kissing him is just amazing! We sometimes kiss for an hour before we have sex. IT's wonderful. That doesn't come around too often. It also doesn't help that I've always been really insecure about my looks and physical appearance, but hearing him call other women hot or sexy really gets at me. I've been told my whole life that I'm beautiful, even from my husband because he told me everyday. With these guy, he never tells me at all, just that he's "sexually attracted" to me. Which I guess is a compliment, but when he says that other women are hot or sexy, it really bothers me, and I wish it didn't. 

 

There are other men out there who will not only give you the same kind of excitement, but they won't treat you like this guy does.

Honestly, I feel bad for you, because you're not even seeing how poorly he is treating you.

FWB doesn't have to treat you like a girlfriend, but he should at least be giving you respect as the bare minimum.

11 hours ago, graphicdesigner2005 said:

Basically saying that my asking him for a compliment was solicitous and how him showing me instead of him telling me should have been good enough. It wouldn't bother me so much, but him telling me how other women are hot, sexy or beautiful

That truly is disgusting behavior and if you need someone else to tell you outright, this man does not care about you, nor does he respect you.

You even needing to mention that you'd like a compliment, is beneath you, and you should be telling him that it's over.

He is using you, (no doubt while fantasizing about other women during the act), because he can't get the other women. No one would want to put up with a jerk like him.

Seriously do yourself a favor and don't walk, but run from this situation.

You may be lonely, but don't be so lonely that you put up with being treated this badly.

How do you know the cat is having a miscarriage? Also, how do you know it requires vet assistance? Has a vet confirmed this? Kitties can lose a litter without needing to go to the vet.

I just wanted to quickly touch on the points made previous about multi-dating, or not multi-dating.

If someone chooses to multi-date, or not multi-date, there could be a number of reasons behind it.

It's really not for anyone to judge or criticize as we don't know why they chose what they did, and it's really not for us to know.

We each navigate our own dating lives to what suits us the best.

But each person makes their own decisions based on their own preferences and there is no right or wrong.

As for choosing to date someone who multi-dates, or doesn't muti-date, it is totally down to your own personal preference.

Some people don't mind at all, as they are multi-dating as well, and feel it's fine to have different options to find the best match.

Others aren't comfortable with that and prefer they and their partner focus on one person at a time.

Both cases are totally fine.

It comes down to what is suitable for you and what isn't.

If you get someone who wants to multi-date and someone who is a one person at a time, then it won't work.

Honestly, her reply sounded good to me. 🙂

It's hard to tell what was going on with her right that second she replied.

Was she rushing because something distracted her (doorbell ringing, notification went off, was feeling sleepy)...or who knows.

Quite often texts can be misinterpreted because it is so hard to tell how someone is feeling right then due to lack of tone.

The only way to know for certain, is to see how this second date goes.

Usually after the second date, you can tell if you and this person are really vibing, or if you're not as into each other as you had hoped.

Fingers crossed.

31 minutes ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Man pays for it all 

Not in this day and age. That's an outdated point of view.

Women are now totally okay with helping share the cost, or paying if she was the one who suggested a date.

It's always nice when a man pays, but it goes both ways.

Guys like to be treated well too! 

28 minutes ago, RN4L_1969 said:

So the results are in...., but I do have some additional questions for the LADIES!

SO......the date went very well. And I'm just gonna bullet point below some details to avoid several long paragraphs of unwanted context lol

And just to be clear...my intent was to pay for the entire date , as I ALWAYS do...my post here was asking how much the culture has changed since it's been a while since I've been on a date. But 99.9% of the time...I typically choose the place and I pay, (I always make sure it's a place they like or if they want to chose the location...either way, I always pay as a gentleman...it's how I was raised)...

• We met at HH, and it started off great. We jumped right into conversation. She had 1 drink that she nursed for 2 hours and I had a ginger-ale.
• As it was getting towards the time for our dinner reservation, she asked, "so do you want to still do dinner? I'm enjoying myself so far, what do you think?" I said "absolutely and I'm enjoying myself as well". The bill came...I paid. No questions. She thanked me. 
• We drove separately to dinner, (a few minutes away). We actually got to the parking garage at the same time and so we then walked over to the restaurant to check-in.
• OK, she did say, "this is a fancy restaurant are you sure I'm not some psycho?" *insert nervous laugh* LOL. She had been there before but I thought it was funny she made that comment. 
• Dinner was great! We carried over our conversation for another 3 hours. I think we touched on all topics! I noticed she was very respectful and conscientious of the menu and what she was ordering. She even asked me to make the choices for appetizers and such. We both had water, (that alone saved my bill LOL). But we laughed and overall had a very nice date......(at least how I felt)...
• The bill came and I placed it over to my side furthest away. So no need to talk or discuss, BUT, as I was paying she did offer to pay for the tip, I said, "no worries I got it  :)" 

>>>OK LADIES - NEED ADVICE HERE:<<<

• We walked out together to our cars. We "hugged" and she mentioned about talking soon. I'm glad it worked out that way. I didn't want our 1st kiss to be in a parking garage, and have it be hurried, (plus she was carrying her purse and doggie bag from the restaurant)…So, ok...
• Then of course I'm contemplating if I should be the one to text post-date or what. She answered that for me and there was a text from her waiting for me when I got home that said:
  • "Thank you for a wonderful dinner and time getting to know each other," (with a smiling emoji)
  • So I wrote back and said, "My pleasure" I had a wonderful time as well," (smiling emoji).

 

Soooooooo.....2nd Date......???????

What do I do now or next??????? HELP...haha

 

First text her, something like: "Hope you're doing well, I had a great time getting to know you, would love to meet up again."

2nd date, are there any small bars, lounges you could find where they would have a band playing music, something laid back on a Saturday night?

Those kind of dates are nice because you can chat, and listen to the music too.

11 hours ago, RN4L_1969 said:

Been texting on and off with someone for the last month. We did talk on the phone once and it went well. She suggested she would like to meet up when I come back from out of town. So far so good. Her schedule is busy and I've had to tone down the lengthy texts, lol. But all good.

I'm back from out of town and after a few texts I noticed she was not as responsive...so I asked. She said we're all good, but she would really like to meet up so she would feel more comfortable texting and hopefully moving forward. Totally agree. So I set up our 1st date.

Keep in Mind: She suggested 2x to meet up, (date initiator)

I on the other hand setup the date; happy hour and dinner to go to. Very nice places btw, (of course...I want to impress on the 1st date...even though it's been years since I've been on one LOL)

So, normally and typically I always like to pay. I've never had a problem unless I'm being taken advantage of or there are red flags. But 99% of the time I'm paying.

So with that being said...and since I'm a little rusty with the dating etiquette these days...who pays?

My 2 cents: I ask if she picks up the happy hour bill and I get dinner? OR, I pay for happy hour and dinner, but, I ask if she gets the tip for dinner, (~$50)

Thoughts...?

I am all for equal paying on dates. It would be nice if she offered(good manners to at least offer), but I personally think whoever asked out whom, they are the ones who should pay.

If she asks you out next time, she should be the one to pay.

Although there are no set rules. If you're on a date and you both decide to go Dutch, that's cool too.

I agree with other people who said that the first meet up should be something small, like coffee.

You want to get to know this person, see if they are worthwhile to go on a more in depth date.

Dinner and drinks sounds more like a 2-3 date.

8 hours ago, itsallgrand said:

Wow. Hope you are cozy warm inside! 

Thank you so much ❤️I've been sitting in front of the heater most of the day.

It's nice and warm. 🥰

10 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

😱 Yikes!. Not sure what's worse.  43C and 100% humidity here today......🥵😵‍💫

Oh lord, I think as bad as this cold snap is, I can deal with it a bit better than that kind of heat.

Hope you have a good AC unit. 

-50 C Windchills here tonight. 🥶

On 1/8/2024 at 12:17 PM, JosieC said:

took pity on her

BS

"that he genuinely did not know why he said that and he regretted it once he said it"

Also BS

You both sound very young, and you had mentioned that this is the first relationship for you both.

You are both learning what is appropriate, and what isn't.

How to deal with your own emotions, on all levels.

What you will accept, and what is not acceptable.

That being said, it's still glaringly obvious that he does view her in a sexual manner, and would be sexual with her if given the chance.

I also don't think your friend has much respect for you at all, the way she is continuously crossing lines, and blurts things out whenever she pleases.

She might think that it's fine to have zero filter on her sexual thoughts.

But truth be told, it really does come down to becoming mature enough to know to respect those around you, to not blurt out inappropriate things, and to have self control.

She has a lot of growing up to do, as does your boyfriend.

You're the only one in this situation that is being reasonable and respectful.

4 hours ago, JosieC said:

Last year in April I made a post about my boyfriend and our mutual friend's relationship ("Is My Anxiety Making Me Overthink?"). Since then we have talked about what happened and how I felt about the situation. He apologized and said he felt bad for making me feel that way. He explained that he viewed her as a sibling in need of help (since he is the oldest sibling to his brother) and took pity on her. He said he did not view their relationship as odd in any way and that the hugging and that type of affection is normal in his family. 

After the conversation, he asked if I cared if he told the friend about this and I said I didn't care either way but I had no plans of telling her myself. One night she ended up staying at his place for a while to talk and catch up, and he told her about the conversation we had. That night I got a text from her asking to talk the next day. We talked for a short while and she apologized for what happened that semester and admitted to their relationship being weird. She said she had no intention of doing anything with him and was l just leaning on him a lot due to being overwhelmed with college life (this was our freshman year). She apologized again and said she hoped that our relationship would not change because of this. I accepted the apology and that was the end of the conversation.

Since then we have been communicating much better and more frequently, however, I'm still on the fence about my boyfriend's true feelings. He has a habit of mentioning her during intimate moments. For example, last night after we had sex he started laughing and said that he wondered if she ever did what I did in the bedroom since we're twins (we have a joke between her and me that we are twins since we have a lot in common and share some of the same experiences). This is not the first time he has done this, he's made comments about her while we were showering together and more. Each time I just laugh it off/respond jokingly and change the topic quickly. The comments are never anything necessarily weird, they just catch me off guard and make me wonder why he would mention or think about her at times like these.

I don't want to cause problems or make problems where there aren't any by bringing it up again. Am I being insecure or sensitive? When we're all hanging out he doesn't give off the vibes of wanting to be with her and he said it himself that he never wanted her that way. He never said that he viewed their relationship as weird or anything, so maybe he sees this as normal. I genuinely don't know how to feel about it and I don't want to come off as possessive or overly insecure.

 

 

He is interested and yes, he is viewing her in a sexual manner.

I was in nearly the exact same situation. 

My then bf kept telling me the same malarkey.

Long story short, he and I broke up, (due to other reasons), but within a month he was sleeping with this woman he said was only a "friend, and a sister".

I think each of us has gut instincts about it all, we just keep trying to fool ourselves or question our own worries.

But truth be told, you made this post because you know something is not right.

They are both telling you what you want to hear, but I would bet 100% that given the chance, they will sleep together.

I'm not sure that a bunch of explanations would matter at this point.

The only information that you need, is that this person doesn't respect you enough to speak to you openly, and honestly.

They also have no problem dumping you as a friend, like yesterday trash, and again, not caring how it would affect you.

This isn't a friend.

Block, delete, move on.

On 12/28/2023 at 8:21 AM, Seymore said:

Trust me, nobody understands why he sleeps at that time...lol.  He's retired and I tend to think sitting in the dark basement most of the night/day has thrown off his circadian rhythm

Either way, he's a grown man and no matter how weird, or unconventional it is, it's his life and his choices.

Same way you wouldn't want your parents dictating to you how to do things, or when.

Right?

The mans happy, his wife accepts it best she can and in fact more than anything, enables it.

They are doing what they both want.

Let them be, maybe visit without expecting it to be meals since they don't have a regular schedule.

5 hours ago, catfeeder said:

It might be a good idea to take your own advice on this. Detach, focus on your own needs

Absolutely agree.

This is their problem to solve and their marriage.

Your Mom can choose to stay with him and put up with things, or she can decide to leave.

It's her choice and her husband.

If their arrangement is bothering you too much, then best you don't go over and get yourself all upset.

If your Mom or your Dad complain, let them know that the hours your Dad keeps doesn't work for you.

I can't see your Dad changing.

Suffer?

Sounds like your religion isn't too keen on being gay.

Nothing wrong with being gay.

I could literally sit here and discuss it with your for hours on why I believe religion is wrong in that regard.

Just now, TheRideNeverEnds said:

I will not lower my standards even if it means to be alone until I die that's for sure. 

If you are determined, then keep searching for that person.

You have all the time in the world while being sick....so keep looking for them.

There are billions of people in this world.

It's not that they aren't out there, it's that you haven't found them yet.

9 minutes ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

 

Thank you, the only reason I didn't kill myself is my faith. And also I'm not sure if God would send me to Hell if I killed myself, it's possible. 

I'm not suicidal though. Well usually I'm not, but it's hard to have any motivation to live this way. 

Totally!

I get that completely.

Like, why bother when it's just going to be another day of pain and sadness, right?

But you know what? Those things are going to be there anyway, so why not make the most of what you can do?

I paint, I write, I chat online.

Hey, it's better than sitting and crying, you know?

Limitations aren't great, and yes, it's hard not to be angry at God, the world, people who have their health.

But just keep in mind that it's not anyone's fault.

It's just crap luck and how your life story went.

Do I know why yours went that way, or why mine has gone this way? Nope.

But as long as I am still on this earth, I'm going to try to do something half decent with the life I still have left.

Despite what you're going through, I can still hear a lot of determination in your words, a lot of feisty-ness.

You've got a lot of spirit in you yet!

Find any activity that brings you any kind of happiness, doesn't matter what it is.

Could be music, watching your favorite shows, or movies, try painting or writing! 

Write about your experiences with Chronic illness.

You have no idea how much that is actually interesting to some people and how much it helps others who are struggling like you are.

1 minute ago, TheRideNeverEnds said:

I don't think dating would be a solution. 

I also know if there isn't a cure soon I won't live much longer due to worsening health, so I won't have to endure this much longer I think. 

TheRide, I am sorry that your health is this bad, truly I am.

I hear frustration, anger, loneliness, depression and a great deal of upset.

Anyone would be in your position.

Life can be very unfair.

You must feel like life has been stolen away from you and you have a lot of anger over that.

I don't blame you, I really don't.

I wish I had words to comfort you, but I don't.

Chronic long term illness, is terrible.

No one knows how bad it is unless they live it.

And yes, I speak from experience.

What can you do in the meantime, well why not try to chat to people online as friends if nothing else, just to be able to chat and have any kind of connection.

You don't even have to look for love, but to at least chat to people.

It will help with the boredom if nothing else.

I'm not even going to suggest a therapist, or counsellor or anything like that, because I know that in your specific case (illness), that it won't fix anything.

The only thing that would fix anything, would be to have your health and your life back.

I know.

Sending you a million hugs. You're not alone.

Just now, TheRideNeverEnds said:

Third a purely online relationship is not a relationship, you can't have a real love relationship that way, and you know that very well deep down.

I know that very well deep down? No, I don't know that deep down.

I am being honest with you, I feel that a person can find a very strong connection with someone online.

Are you discounting the friendship I had with my best friend? Because I won't even bother to argue, I know you're wrong.

Does it suck being sick? YES, Does it suck to have all of these restrictions? YES.

But you even said so yourself, that you are too tired and not capable of doing much in real life anyhow.

Online is a good option.

But hey, if you don't want to even bother that's totally up to you.

Unless you find someone in your facility, then it will be a tough go to meet someone in real life.

Why similar life? Because of compatibility.

I am just being honest with you, to find someone healthy who wants to date someone not healthy, would be difficult. (I say this as someone who has health issues as well).

It doesn't work.

Healthy people want to be out and about, and leading a life.

Don't discount how much friendship, and love you can find with someone online.

You can message each other all the time. You can be on Facetime together, it brings a lot of happiness.

One of my very best friends (whom I was best friends with for over 8 years, lived in a different country to me).

They passed away from Cancer, and I never met them in person, not even one time.

Didn't stop us from being the very best of friends, or spending heaps of time together on Facetime.

With having health issues to this extent, because you have so many restrictions, you have to adjust your dating and expectations to the life you have right now.

I'm assuming you have already tried finding someone to date who is not unhealthy and who is someone you can see in real life.

But I am also assuming it hasn't gone well.

No harm in trying something new and seeing how it goes?