SherrySher

You do have a responsibility as an adult to seek out help for your severe anxiety, not so much for someone else's sake, but for your own sake.

But how she handled it, and snuck off like that, was not only cruel, but very immature.

She should have sat down and talked with you about it, and if you didn't make any progress, than she should have told you directly that she was leaving you.

You both played a part in things going the way they did and you're both at fault.

It doesn't sound like you work well together, it's best if you go your separate ways.

5 hours ago, never_mind said:

Thank you so much for advice, I really needed to hear that. Online dating rlly does seems just like a fantasy now...

The only thing keeping me from unfollowing him tbh is that he was my only friend and primary social connection. So I might feel lonely after deleting his contact, but that's probably for the best on the long run

 

Meet other people. There are literally millions of people online.

You don't necessarily need to chat for anything romantic, but the number of chat rooms, friendship forums, etc, are endless.

6 hours ago, never_mind said:

Essay Warning! ⚠️

I've been talking to a guy for a year online (I’ve never seen him irl). He expressed a lot of affection, said he loves me and yada yada, and we admitted mutual feelings (we’ve never been official though, he would still say we're just friends) However, recently, he casually mentioned talking to another girl for weeks, claiming they're just friends.

He still wants to be friends with me but says he kinda likes the other girl and she likes him too but he still likes me as well... (Ik, unbelievable. That's so messed up)

He basically told me that if I lived closer or in the same town he would've made a move on me “ages ago” but I'm rlly far (like overseas) and the other girl lives in the same town as him.

•I feel confused and disappointed.

•Is what he’s done morally wrong or insensitive or is it normal?

--------------------------------------------------------------

*I'm sry for the essay and silly question, I don't rlly have experience with these stuff so I'm just lost fr.

Unless you have met irl, it's not real.

Talking to someone online, they can be whoever they pretend to be, and can play with your emotions, as well as any other number of people they might also be talking with.

Next time try to find someone who is at least in the same country at you, but what would be even better, is the same state.

I just read your reply to Wiseman above.

You both only see each other twice a week and he can't be bothered to give you lots of hugs, kisses, hold your hand, etc?

Honestly, call it a day and move on.

He has stopped trying and is not bothered.

You're only in your 20s. That man should be all over you.

If he isn't, seriously, move on.

On 11/21/2023 at 2:54 AM, BeeTea said:

Hello, I’ve been in my relationship for nearly 9 months and things were the typical exciting and adventurous as most honeymoon phases go, but as of the recent past months, there has just been a decline of most things intimate. This does not solely revolve around sex, but the little things like cuddling, being close, kissing, etc the things that come to mind that typical relationships have. I dont really know how to approach the situation, as I have tried communicating these things, perhaps not as well. But i did try. I do want to note that my partner at first was quite clingy and enjoyed being around me physically and soon enough that too has found a decline. The only answer I have gotten is that they are not the physical type. It doesn’t really reflect on the person I knew a few months ago. It just honestly breaks my heart, and I would appreciate any insight. Thank you. 

I have been married to my husband now for 7 years. He is still as cuddly and as physical as he was when we first met.

There is not time limit to that.

For lots of people there is a "honeymoon phase", and a decline, but not as steep of a decline as what you're explaining.

It sounds more like he has lost interest if I am honest.

Him saying he's "not the physical type", is just an excuse.

If the person is into you, it doesn't stop.

I can attest to that with my marriage.

My husband and I always want to cuddle, give hugs, kisses, hold hands.

It's infinite if you and the other person truly are into each other.

Talking it through is not going to solve the problem.

You could either try to get the spark going again by trying out new things, going on 'dates' again with one another.

Attempt to be more physical with him.

But if these too fail, you might want to consider if this relationship is just not satisfying you anymore.

2 hours ago, Sarah Smith said:

So my now ex was liking girls inappropriate pics on instagram all the time. Even girls he knew and in his area…

I told him multiple times it bothers me but he didn’t stop.

He even gave out his socials to girls at bars…

Well, I was like fine, we are playing by the same rules then. And I liked one  guys photo. And my ex broke up with me because I liked ONE photo?!? After everything he did

I just feel like I’ve been done wrong and like this is super unfair. How do I deal with the aftermath of this?

A guy like this is never going to be fair.

If he is behaving like this, there's a very high chance he would have eventually cheated on you.

Thank your lucky stars you got away from him.

Very immature, very disrespectful guy.

Him telling you all of this, sounds like he is testing the waters to see how you will react so he can find out if there is any chance of moving forward with it one day.

Those needs don't usually disappear.

He wants more.

It's up to you whether you can handle more, or if you're willing to try to expand your boundaries.

Don't let him pressure you though into doing anything you don't want.

Should you be worried that he might take it further one day? Absolutely.

People don't casually bring things up like that without a reason.

30 minutes ago, Sally .C. said:

It doesn't have to be a 50/50 exchange of course

What?! Why the heck not??

Men's needs are not more important than women's!

50/50....or nothing.

1 hour ago, Shy1-01 said:

I have been with my partner for 4 years. He never gives oral. I always do to him and I think in the 4 years together he has done it 5 times but never does it long enough for me to orgasm. I couldn’t even tell you the last time he even went down there, let’s just say it hasn’t been at all this year. 
He will say comments like I want you, it’s been ages since I been down there. The other night he said it again, and said  shall I do it tonight? I replied ooh yeah!
Surprise surprise, he never did.
 

We have a great sex life, but honestly this is making me think do I really wanna marry this man that can’t even do that. A woman has needs and that is one of them. Can you Imagine the man going without head for nearly a year or even longer!?

I have always been with men who love to do it, and when we first got together he told me he had only done it twice and he doesn’t like it or hate it, but  he will do  it to make the woman feel good.

Has anyone else been in this situation? 

Be direct.

Tell him exactly what you want and how often.

If he doesn't improve, then you should reconsider marrying someone who isn't making you happy or fulfilled because it will only get worse.

Also, why are you still giving this man oral if he's not reciprocating?

Stop giving until he starts being fair.

9 hours ago, Igor_ said:

I like the girl who has a boyfriend. At the end of September 2023, along with two other girls, we started renting an apartment together. We're all students.

As for me, I'm in my final year of studies and work full-time in IT. I've developed strong feelings for one of my roommates, even though we've only known each other for a month, we already know quite a bit about each other, and we talk a lot.

We chat in the mornings before heading to classes or work, or for hours late at night over tea or while preparing dinner (we've even gone out to eat together). We always fill the kettle for two people, knowing that the extra water will be for her or for me (and it works; almost always, one of us leaves the room to make tea and start a conversation).

To be honest, I haven't talked to anyone this much in such a short time in many years. I haven't let anyone get to know me so well in a long time. We're both introverts, yet conversation comes easily to us. We've even found a "common language" - we both love cats. We send each other Instagram reels every day, and for the past three weeks, we've been going to the gym together 2-3 times a week. I recently introduced her to a different sport, which is my hobby, and despite her initial fear of it, she was eager to give it a try.

We often go grocery shopping together, and once, I even helped her pick out the color of tights in an Action store XD. Our conversations are not awkward or stiff; they are very relaxed, and we maintain prolonged eye contact. We often share jokes, and recently, I made her laugh so hard that we both cried from laughter.

It seems like she doesn't mind my company because, despite my apologies (which may have been unnecessary) for talking so much, resulting in 5-10 hours of chatting in the kitchen until late at night, she herself said that I didn't need to apologize because if she didn't want to talk, she could have ended the conversation and gone to her room.

She even asked me not to laugh and showed me some of her old photos to show how her hair used to look, which was somewhat random, but I also complimented her hair, and vice versa, I showed her some of my childhood pictures. It seems that we may have broken some kind of personal space barrier during our conversations because sometimes, when she wanted to show me something on her phone, she didn't mind getting close to me or pulling her chair right next to mine.

Recently, she mentioned that she liked how I optimized the space in my room and asked for help in rearranging her entire room. During one of our conversations, I managed to slip in a question about why she no longer lives with her boyfriend. She mentioned that they had a big argument, and their relationship was on the verge of breaking up, so she decided not to live with him for now. I was cautious and quickly returned to our previous topic, which seemed to go quite smoothly.

To be honest, it gave me hope when I heard that their relationship had recently been hanging by a thread. I've noticed a few times that her boyfriend texts her when we're talking, but she puts the messages aside and doesn't reply for many hours during our conversations.

In the past month, he has only visited our apartment twice for a few hours and once for a night (first day of renting). The first time, it seemed like she might not have wanted him to come because it was right after our late-night tea talk when she went to study, and her boyfriend suddenly arrived. She didn't seem excited to see him, but rather tired and somewhat reluctant in her tone when she said, 'Why did you come? I told you I'm studying.'

The second time, they baked an apple pie, spent time in her room, and then her boyfriend left (the apple pie was tasty). Maybe I'm just being naive, or maybe I'm right in thinking that I might have a chance with her, even though she's still officially in a relationship. I don't know what to do.

I'm starting to weigh the pros and cons of telling her how I feel. I don't want to ruin the atmosphere in the apartment, but at the same time, I'm trying to subtly let her know that I don't see her as a stranger in the room next door. Would confessing my feelings scare her away? I'm 22 years old and have never had a girlfriend. I've never really flirted with any girl, I'm terrible at reading 'signals,' and perhaps I'm imagining things that are just normal among women, and I come across as an idiot.

At this time, it is not advisable to mention any kind of feelings towards her at all.

She is still invested emotionally in this other man.

If she no longer wanted him, or if she no longer cared about him, she would break up completely and it would be over.

But she is still involved with him (by her own choice), and all you would be doing in confusing her and stressing her out by mentioning any feelings for her right now.

You may not feel what she and him have is important, but that's because you're an outside looking in at their relationship.

You don't know the feelings they both carry or what they've been through together, and truth be told, it's not your place to know.

It's for them to figure out on their own.

Your job right now, is to be a respectful roommate and friend.

If you push further or allow things to go further, you could end up being a rebound, or you could end up with her boyfriend very angry and wanting to fight with you.

Neither option is good.

Emotionally, it's a lot more complicated than you think it is.

His feelings, her feelings and yours are all at stake here.

Tread carefully.

Leave it, and just be her friend for now until they have called it off completely and she has been given space and time to get over him.

That will be awhile yet if they ever do decide to break up.

3 hours ago, JayCube said:

She (20) broke up with me (19), because I did something stupid. I didnt cheat but it is disgusting. I know all that and I am working on myself. It was our first major problem in our relationship of more than 2 years and she immediately cuts the rope. She insulted me because of what I did via text messages and blocked me afterwards everywhere possible. We didnt get to talk about anything at all, she gave me my stuff and left without a conversation. I really wanted to apoligize and not justify what I did, but she didnt care and wasnt listening at all. After every message that I send before she blocked me I recieved nothing but an insult. And you know, I thought to myself she was hurt and I dont hold a grudge against her for doing so. When somebody is hurt and angry, they might do things that they would normally do, but that is a different topic.

 

I told myself, I am not going to try to contact her again, she didnt block me on Snapchat but I wont do it. If she wants to talk she will let me know, I will move on either way. After 2 weeks of inevitable NC, one of my best friends told me, that she created a WhatsApp group with some other really close friends and told them my secrets and why she broke up with me. She phrased somehow like "We broke up, and if you want to know why exactly, just let me know". 

To be more specific, what I did was something extremely personal, I didnt even think of telling anyone else than my previous GF, because its so embarressing. And the only reason I told her, is that I thought know f*cking way on earth is she going to tell somebody, I was wrong . I knew that I have to do something about my behaviour and I needed somebody trustworthy to talk to. I have nightmares every night since the break up and in my last dream she told me to kill myself. Im doing fine, I have a daily life, I work out and make money, but its tough. Its my first break up.

My sadness and grief about our seperation immediately transformed into anger and rejection. She promised me not to tell anyone, but it seems like she is so angry at me, that she simply doesnt care to rush my few best friends at me. I send her a last message via Snapchat, in which I told her how cheap and unnecessary it was from her. She only shows double standards and I never thought she would do something with the only intention to destroy my social life. She did not answer, I didnt really expect her to do so. She just saved a screenshot of the message. 

Why would anyone do something like this? Now I have to talk to my friends about something I wouldve never told any soul exept my partner. I dont know if they even want to talk to me. They havent reached out yet and its been a while since they know. I dont know how to handle all this. If I lose my friends true, and I only have a few close ones, it would shatter me.

First and foremost, stop messaging or talking to her.

Not one more word.

She is using your messages and conversation as more gossip to share to her group.

Cut her off completely and don't give her anymore fuel.

Secondly, it sounds like you've learnt your lesson.

Life lessons are difficult, but it gives you experience and helps you become a better man, and this in time will do that for you.

As for her, she is acting like a school kid, creating a gossip group, spreading rumors.

It's hateful and it's completely unnecessary.

How to handle this situation?

Distance yourself from her and from her gossip mongers as much as possible.

If they ask you any questions, or try to speak to you, ignore them.

Be the bigger person and don't involve yourself in their childish antics.

The gossip will eventually die down and get boring to them, they will move onto bullying someone else.

All you can do is learn from this and move on.

Edit: I realize that you must have taken out some context in your original post.

I wasn't aware of what you had done.

What you did was very serious, and not okay at all.

But I am not going to make you feel worse than it sounds like you do already.

As long as it is something you have learnt from, and won't ever repeat.

Just keep moving forward.

4 hours ago, Andrina said:

I don't know how old she is. At some point, as a woman ages, she will begin needing supplements, such as using a vaginal estrogen cream twice a week (not on sex days) to continue being able to achieve orgasm vaginally. This requires a prescription. Sometimes, even that won't help enough to achieve the vaginal pleasure once experienced in younger days.

Try doing oral on her at the vaginal opening since the clitoris is too sensitive. That could also be assisted with a small vibrator placed near the clitoris but not touching it so it receives vibrations.

Great advice.

I second that. Oral, plus vibrator, she'll be one happy gf.

What would I do?

I would start packing his things, let him now it's over and that would be it.

Not many women would want a man who chooses young women that want to party, when he is darn well 30 years old!

Or would want a man who is that immature, has zero respect for my feelings, is not respectful towards our relationship and allows a total jerk to manipulate and play games like this.

I don't blame Kate, because she is only the temptation, and the one who is offering your boyfriend all the wrong things.

I blame him, because he is the one gladly taking all of it and treating you like garbage.

I would let Kate have him and not look back.

He is not worth it, and no amount of explaining to him is going to make sense.

He will always justify he and Kates behavior.

1 hour ago, Magi said:

Hello,

Me (F29) and my boyfriend (M30) have been together for over five years.  I have never been jealous and fully trust him whenever he goes out, but recently I have had issues with one particular friend of his. 

A little backstory, my boyfriend moved to my home country about five years ago. We started out in a long term relationship and then he moved here.
So about a year ago he started hanging around some new people (my boyfriend is a major extrovert and making friends is extremely easy for him, I on the other hand am the complete opposite). The group consisted of 4 girls who were 23 years old and liked to party.. a lot.

At first I didn’t mind that he went out to party, as I fully trusted him and knew that nothing would ever happen. Also our other friends were there as well. 
However there were instances when he spent the night at their place (the girls had a house party) and he slept on the couch. This happened three times until I told him how awful that made me feel. (Nothing happened he just passed out)
Soon after that I figured out that he has been talking a lot with one of the girls, let’s call her Kate. Ever since I met Kate I got a weird vibe from her. I get along with her roommate and other two girls, but there is something off about her and I cannot put my finger on it.

Anyway, as Kate is also an expat in the country, she has no family or close friends. And she started to confide in my boyfriend. They became really close- having lunch, her calling in the evenings to discuss her issues with her roommate.. I didn’t see the harm in it at first, but when my boyfriend started hanging out with her more than with me I realized that there was something wrong. My boyfriend and I discussed their relationship and his reply was always the same - he sees her as his little sister and he will try to be better. 
Fast forward to august. Kate’s mother was visiting and my boyfriend was showing her around the city as Kate herself had to work. When my boyfriend returned, he told me that he felt a bit weird with Kate’s mother. He felt that she was trying to make a sales pitch on Kate and even when he said that he had a girlfriend she had shrugged it off and said “Well girlfriend is not a wife, you never know what happens”. 
I was shocked and honestly didn’t even know how to respond to the whole situation. However it didn’t stop there.. 

The next evening we were going to a club to see our friend DJing. Kate and her mother joined as well. At the end of the night I see my boyfriend and Kate talking. My boyfriend then comes over and tells me that he will send Kate and her mom to the taxi and will come right back. Not two minutes later Kate approaches me and says “Do not go anywhere, we will be right back”. I was confused for why she needed to tell me anything and nodded. I resumed dancing and noticed that it has been over 10 minutes since my boyfriend left, so I texted him to ask where he went. 
Apparently Kate told him that I was okay with the fact that he would go to her place and even tried to manipulate him into staying longer (to have snacks or more drinks). When my boyfriend found out from me that I had no clue he demanded to leave and return (I had already left to go home as I was fuming). When he came home he explained that Kate had told him that I was okay with everything and even though I didn’t seem okay to him, he was pulled into the taxi.

During the days after that night, he had a fight with Kate, where she called me a liar. She claimed that I was bending her words and manipulating him. After all that we didn’t see or hear from her for about a month. 
Now however they are back to communicating like nothing happened. My boyfriend said that he would have a serious talk with her as Kate is his closest friends, but he told me that the talk didn’t happen as Kate doesn’t like confrontation. I would like to talk to her as well, I have expressed my desire multiple times, but it seems she is avoiding me.

And now few weeks ago they decided to start a business together, making them meet several times a week. I have asked if I can join them, however my boyfriend said that maybe not to Kate’s place as that may make her uncomfortable…..

I have told my boyfriend that I feel Kate may be having feelings for him or is trying to deny her feelings for him. My boyfriends mom also told him to be careful of her… He doesn’t think she has feelings for him and considers her like a sister… 
I feel like maybe I am overthinking and/or overreacting in this situation, but I don’t know how to handle this anymore… 

First, what is wrong with your boyfriend that he is hanging out with a girl 7 years younger who likes to drink and party?

He's not a kid anymore, but he is acting like one.

Secondly, you are slowing losing your boyfriend to Kate.

No, they are not platonic.

No, he is not going to put boundaries with her, he likes her a great deal.

He doesn't respect your feelings, or your hurt as he refuses to tell Kate to back off.

He is enjoying having the company of two girlfriends (because at this stage, may as well call it that).

All that is waiting to happen now is for them to kiss, and I would say it's not long off.

Once that happens, you'll lose him.

They crossed the boundaries of "just friends", long time ago.

22 minutes ago, MaryAnne7 said:

Thank you! I feel understood! 
 

I agree it is a personal preference, I asked some of my others friends and some of them actually said they would love to laugh at their traumas, but I am always careful with my them and try to be gentle and I don’t attempt such jokes. 
She later explained to me it was her twisted way of returning the private information I shared with her in such way to show me I matter to her. To me personally it’s too twisted and too complicated. 
 

thank you for kind words ❤️

I agree, it's odd. I don't work that way either.

Trauma is trauma. 

Making jokes out of my pain, just wouldn't fly.

For her, it works. Which is her choice.

It's a shame she didn't understand or respect your way of going about it.

On 10/29/2023 at 10:33 PM, Grogbert said:

Hi, I’m new here and I hope you’re all well .

It’s been 6 years since my last long term relationship, and while I have dated it has been very disappointing and somewhat traumatic for me. I’m 32 nearly 33, and while I don’t believe in age being an issue, I feel that personally I have no value and it’s over for me. I’ve been on dates years apart that haven’t been with the nicest of men. I’ve been let down a lot, used, and even insulted and belittled. I’ve been using my singlehood as a way to improve and better myself, but honestly, it’s also been as a self defence mechanism. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust again, and I don’t personally see myself as loveable or worthy of love. 
I want to change my view, I want to try and get out there and date again regardless but I’m quite frankly terrified. 
What should I do? Is there any words of wisdom that you may give? What could help my way of thinking about these things? I am in therapy, and while my therapist is amazing, I don’t think they’re going to be able to give me advice that may be best suited. 

First and foremost, before you even consider dating again, be honest with yourself on if you are struggling with personal issues concerning your self esteem, self confidence and if you have healed from negative dating experiences from your past.

If any of the above is still unresolved, then your first step is to seek help to resolve those issues.

There is no point in trying to date again, carrying issues like that into a situation.

You will either continue to fail or repeat patterns of finding toxic partners.

You say you are in therapy, but they are not able to give you advice that may be best suited.

What advice specifically are you looking for?

Because I can honestly say from my quick assessment, that it really is the above issues that are causing the problems and not the dating itself.

If you feel confident in yourself, and if you feel healthy mentally and physically, you will attract similar.

If you feel unhealthy, low self esteem, negative, maybe even slightly toxic, you will attract similar.

You won't even be doing it consciously, but if you're not feeling good about yourself and if you have fear etc, then you're already starting off in a bad place.

Are you capable of healing and being in a much better place? Absolutely.

Are you able to eventually find a good partner and be in a healthy relationship? Absolutely.

If you feel your therapist is not helping, no harm in finding someone else.

It's not unusual at all to go through several therapists before you find one that is suitable for your specific needs.

Without getting too much into my own personal experiences, I was in a very similar situation as yourself.

I had given up on love, had given up on myself, had given up on everything to do with romance.

I had vowed to be single and alone the rest of my life due to traumatic experiences with relationships.

I was alone for 10 years and in that time I worked on myself. I worked on healing what was hurting me the most. I worked on building myself back up after years of being beaten down to nothing.

I eventually met someone, and even then, I pushed him away and felt such fear over any kind of romance.

He was patient with me and long story short, I am now in the healthiest relationship I have ever been in, in my life. I am very happy with my now husband, and our relationship is what I always hoped and dreamed for.

But it didn't happen overnight, and not without A LOT, of work on my end. 

But it is so worth it. I have healed myself so much. I essentially saved myself and got myself better, so that I was far healthier and could be open to a good man, like my husband is.

You can do it too.

You can heal, you can grow and you can become a better version of yourself, and eventually find a decent man and a healthy relationship.

I think my biggest piece of advice would be though, is don't try to get healthy, or heal in order to date.

Get healthier and heal, for YOU, and not for someone else.

You need to start loving yourself, take care of yourself, and to gain enough confidence and self esteem that when you do decide to date again, you won't need someone or have an unhealthy attachment to someone. You will be confident enough to know that you will be strong enough on your own and you can find your own happiness without thinking you need a man in order to be happy.

Finding my husband was a bonus, but my whole focus for years, was to find myself again.

And I did, and I know you can too.

I wish you the best of luck. 

17 hours ago, MaryAnne7 said:

She later explained that she joked about my trigger because she thought that’s what friends do as it helps to heal and she indirectly communicated I was important to her.

I find this very odd.

I'm not sure how healthy of an approach this is, in fact if someone were to joke about any of my triggers, I would feel they don't understand how I deal with things and as well, heal from things.

Joking would be the last thing that would be helpful.

I suppose it's personal preference, but I really don't think it's okay to joke about someone's trigger(s).

It's how we go about trying to find out what humans are compatible with us though, and which aren't.

Trial and error.

I do feel that you as friends, have unfortunately had too many errors.

You don't see eye to eye on quite a few important things, even how she has shut off communication, while you are attempting to try to work things out.

It is just an all around mismatch.

It happens.

I do hope you won't give up on finding a friend that does understand you though and respects your boundaries.

We all need friendship and support. ❤️Wishing you the best of luck.

2 hours ago, MaryAnne7 said:

Hi amazing people. You’ve helped me greatly in the past and I am now back for your opinion on one situation. I had an argument with my relatively new friend (we’ve only met 5 months ago). Although I did find her easy going, I wouldn’t say we would have been best friends, at the same time she became quite well integrated into my life and important to me. We’re both in therapy and I shared some of my triggers with her. And then a few weeks ago she says something to me, which I told her was my trigger, I guess in an attempt to make a joke. I did not take it very well to say the least. This is not the first time her jokes stirred some negative emotion in me, I perceived her “joking” as toxic. This time I decided to step up and draw the line to defend my boundary. In all honesty, I did filter my message 10 times because originally in a triggered state I only could tell her to go f herself. I did say again that’s my trigger and she purposefully hurt me. I suggested she discussed her toxic ways with her therapist, which she took as an attack and she said she won’t tolerate me telling her what to do. Long story short, she accused me of being toxic myself because of my jokes (I said things like “are you going away to cuddle with other people?😡” This is just my humour to tell her she means something to me and pretend that I am jealous. I am in fact never jealous of my friends, but historically people responded well to these jokes. I find it shocking she thinks it’s toxic but I can accept it). She later explained that she joked about my trigger because she thought that’s what friends do as it helps to heal and she indirectly communicated I was important to her. Frankly I don’t agree simply because I don’t feel that close to her. After a few days, I sent her a voice note saying that I understand her and I hope she understands me, I’d like to remain friends and move past it if she does. Radio silence for 3 days……I tried to remain as mature as I could in the situation. My first instinct is to cut people out instead of communicating, so I saw this as an opportunity for me to grow. I took 5 days to respond to her message because my mind was resisting (I am avoidant attachment), but I pushed through to break the pattern. It honestly hurts me she left me hanging like that, and even though I understand she’s entitled to respond or not respond, that doesn’t take away all the resentment I feel towards her. I was very vulnerable and exposed my true feelings and I feel rejected. Should I just move on and forget about her? 

Jokes are very subjective.

She may have had the exact same thoughts as you thinking that other people didn't mind her joke and she felt you insulted her.

You both have now discovered that you sense of humor does not match and could easily trigger each other.

Not a good combination.

It's probable best she didn't reply, and for you to now let it go.

You're not compatible as friends.

You should have been honest with him right from the start about never wanting it to be romantic between you two, before it got this far.

You need to tell him as soon as possible so that he isn't continuing to have false ideas.

Why on earth did you reconnect with this man when you knew years ago that you did not share the same feelings? 

Also the fact that he felt the need to mention how he could make a body disappear, is far more concerning then anything else.

This guy creeps me out.

10 hours ago, So-Broken said:

On Sunday before he sent me home, he says "he felt like he saw a movie preview and seems like a good movie so he bought tix to watch, then realized the movie kinda not to what he expects. So he needed to lower his expectation then re-watch the movie perhaps will feel differently..

There isn't a whole lot you can do to change things now.

He doesn't feel that you and he are compatible.

It's your personality, so how do you change that?

Understand too, please that I am not saying your personality is wrong, it's just not compatible with this man.

Your personality and way of life might be perfect for a different man, but unfortunately, it does not work with this man.

From what I read, he was pretty clear to you on why he didn't feel it would work.

I'm not saying his way was correct, or your way was correct.

I am just saying that you two had opposite ideas on nearly all of it on how it should go and it caused a lot of distress and upset for both of you.

Bottom line, you two had loads of incompatibilities that are not fixable.

You both might work wonderfully with someone else, but as a couple, there are too many things that you both want opposite on.

18 minutes ago, LootieTootie said:

If someone is visiting you and staying with you, you should never expect them to cook for you and tell them this when they landed.

Under normal circumstances, yes.

But the impression that I got was that she and he were wanting to try to see how they worked as in living together.

If that were the case, then it makes sense that the boyfriend working all day, would ask that she help with making the evening meal.

At least that's how it read to me.

34 minutes ago, So-Broken said:

We are an official BF/GF (committed relationship) for 2 months. We met online. We are from the same culture, same language. I mentioned in my post, they live in 2 houses, same compound. They owned the properties together. He has his own unit with kitchen, his siblings and his dad in another unit - same compound. I went overseas and return to my country, the same country my BF lives. His home is 40 miles from mine, so I just wanted to stay for 1 week at his and he even agreed he wans to see how it feels. he expects me to cook during my stay which was a surprise to me. As mentioned in my post, on weeknights his dad cooks for his siblings and him (he buys the groceries, his dad cooks. That is their family arrangement for many years). I told him don't disrupt his routine, I will eat the same meal as him (his dad's cooking). I am a picky eater but never demanded for him to cook certain things. He was the one who insisted by saying he does not think I would like his dad's cooking hence wants me to cook during the stay. He also wants me to cook so he can feel like a couple/family/as-if married. I also mentioned I have to work as well but my job is work remotely. So I set up my workstation in his 2nd room of his house. He has to drive to the office. I did NOT complaint about him coming home late bringing me meal. I said he was late to meet his client on Friday. I honestly do not know what did I do that "gave him pressure". I am crushed and really want to be with him

I read all of that the first time.

My opinion is the same.

You pressured him and his father and make it very awkward for everyone.

You turning away because you didn't get your own away, was childish.

I am trying to help you see why it went as badly as it did.

I feel like you're just wanting validation that your boyfriend was all the problem and it's not true.

You were not understanding, you were self centered and you created a lot of issues for him.

I'm sorry, but you two are not compatible.