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Day 10 Had a nice walk with a good friend, then we drove to the lake and had drinks in the sunlight. Venting like this does one really good. But, yes, I have been thinking about her. Had to pass twice by the home we used to share before we split. Passed at 50 km/h without even looking towards the building because I didn't want to feel the pain of remembering how she used to blow me kisses and smile down at me from her window. I loved and still love that woman at such amplitude that my fingertips hurt as I'm typing this. I feel like going for it right now and just parking my car beneath that same window and just wait for however long it takes for her to come down. But I won't. Not a great idea to let myself be hurt again. It's really, really hard bearing this pain. I wish there was a pill that makes you forget things and people.

Exactly 1 week since I decided to go NC. I feel like being awesome at work but I feel very, very tired as well. My colleagues have been a steady friend and help me a lot in not thinking about HER too much. Yes I think about her like twice an hour but just spontaneous thoughts that don't make any sense and I am honestly really irritated by every little thought about her. Deleted my facebook profile days ago since I don't care about that at all. However I've updated my LinkedIn profile with my new position yesterday. Today I saw she liked my promotion and then withdrew her like. What the hell do you call this?

Day #5, I'll quote Ice Cube: today was a good day. I finally earned something I put many, many sleepless hours on. I am a certified System Admin! Yes! On the way back home it rained, but I didn't care at all, I even caught myself smiling for no reason. Had my earbuds on and listened to Odezsa. I feel satisfied with myself. I don't even care if she writes or calls. Not today. Yes it is very underwhelming coming back to an empty home, but, hey what can I do?! I feel that there's maybe someone else waiting to meet me. I feel optimistic.

Hello Cope and thank you for your answer. Just venting here. Well, to answer your question, yes I am willing to fight for her and she has been made aware of that before. She even rejected my marriage proposal last summer. When she decided to move on with someone else I stepped back and peacefully let her be with someone else. She struggled to resonate my feelings for some time and I wanted to give her the change she needed. Still she came back. I can relate to the hard NC intervals. I've had a three-time-rebound with another girlfriend before. Managed to get over her and had years of NC. She still admires me and is still respectfully in love with me, she admits. The thing with my current situations is, this isn't just an ex. This is the love of my life. One little advice to all those who consider NC hard to go through. NC is not easy, but it is the way to let your views, intentions and priorities crystallize first and foremost in front of your eyes. Then you will realize who you want and the reason you want them for. Get to know yourself better! You'll be surprised how much you've changed during the time with your loved one.

Hello to all, I am writing this here because I found myself in the situation of being thrown out after a 4 year relationship and watching her date another guy while I was moving out. At this same time I was not only going to a new place and being completely heartbroken, I was starting a new job as well. So the day after I moved into my new place I started my new job and started moving on. 10 days later I even had started a new relationship with a modest, nice and caring girl. Then my ex came in pushing hard to know how I am doing, apologizing. I managed to keep my stronghold for 2 weeks. Then she called me and said she needs to be supported going to the doctor since she had been diagnosed with a probable tumor. I told her that I won't be there for her, told her that I am dating someone else and that her new boyfriend should encourage her. She said they were no longer together. Since I consider my ex the love of my life it was really hard for me to sit there and know I wasn't there for her. I dumped the new girl and met with my ex. We talked, she hugged and kissed me. Then we hung out 3/4 times, she would not hide her desire for me, kissing and cuddling like in the begging 4 years back. She was constantly asking why I love her so much and claiming no one would ever love her in such a way. I gave her her space, never pushed. Didn't talk to her for a week in between seeing each other. Then she just disappeared. I decided to take control of things and started asking her to decide what she wants. She would not want to see me again. I accidentally saw her wait at a bus stop and took her to her destination with my car. She again complemented me a couple of times on how good I look and was visibly shy as if she first met me, but nothing more. She disappeared again. Not wanting to talk and hiding from me. So I decided to ask her to make up her mind. So she said that there has been a reason for breaking up and that she only came back because she missed me and because she knows no one would love her like I do (yes she actually says that a lot and in the past I have been blamed by friends and family for being over-caring and too nice to her.), but she said she does not want to get back together. Everyone says to not be stupid and let go, like I should have done the first time. Though there's a good friend of mine who's a psychologist and knows my situation well, and she says that my ex wants to see me fight for her. So I don't know what to do now. Haven't talked to her for 3 days, I don't even know what to say. So I am NC.