parisian_pink

To all you 36-year-old Hoosiers out there handng out sex advice to kids (you know who you are), get your facts straight PLEASE before you start handing out pearls of wisdom.

It is not "dangerous" for anyone to masterbate, including women. You are born with all your eggs at birth, this is true, but you release them in timed cycles (hence the menstrual cycle), one or sometimes two a month, in the middle of your cycle. This time is what is commonly referred to as "ovulation."

During this time the egg is released from the ovaries. If it is fertilized, it travels to the uterus and embeds itself (pregnancy). If it is not fertilized, the old uterine lining is shed before new lining replaces it and the cycle happens again (menstrual period).

Since men must deposit their sex cells OUTSIDE of their body, they ejaculate their sperm when they orgasm. Since women's sex cells stay INSIDE their bodies for fertilization, they do not expel eggs during sex/orgasm/masterbation. The only time an egg leaves a woman's body is one unfertilized egg a month in her menstrual flow.

Women's orgasms are generally caused by clitoral stimulation, which has NOTHING to do with fertility or pregnancy, and thereforeeee does not affect her eggs.

Please, some kids and teens here are very impressionable, and expect you to show them the courtesy of only answering their questions if you know an answer. If you are a man in your 30s, they assume you know your stuff, so get your facts straight, or you will mislead.

In America, it is true that the majority of men are circumcised, but elsewhere, especially as someone said, in Europe, men are rarely circumcised. Now I'm Jewish, and so is my boyfriend, so that settles that, and for us, it's a religious/cultural thing. But you know what? You need to love your body, and you will be OK! Everyone is beautiful if they are kind and loving and gentle people, and no physical characteristic as minor as a foreskin detracts from your uniqueness or handsomeness. My friend always thought that an uncircumcised penis would be gross, mostly from what we all hear about "smegma," (Nasty word, isn't it?), but when she started dating a German guy with an uncircumcised penis, she siad it didn't bother her at all. I think when you love someone enough to be intimate with them, any detail of their body simply becomes an endearing characteristic of their unique beauty. So embrace who you are, and don't worry! Plenty of awesome lovers, I am sure, share your uncircumcised status.

I'm not a guy myself, but my best friend has a daughter, and she has been dating a man for about a year now who is so kind to her and her daughter, and their relationship is fantastic. The key to their success was that he was able to adjust his lifestyle to acomodate hers, but I think it has been an adventure and a good step for him, as he told my boyfriend that his life has been so blessed by being with Becky and her daughter. He also said that with his old girlfriends, they partied a lot but had nothing of substance, and he likes the feeling of love and security and "home" that he gets by being with Becky and her daughter. He has also said that when they get married he will be so lucky to adopt her!

Another friend of mine is 20, and has been raised by her mother and step-father, who married when she was 2, and she and her step-dad are closer than many biological dads and daughters I have seen! I think that the most important thing is to look at your girlfriend as a woman whom you should really care for. If she is everything you have ever hoped for in a partner, the rest should just fall in place. You have to grow up sometime, but that's not alwasy a bad thing.

In the mean time, keep on loving, keep on living, and keep on growing as a person! Keep an open mind and discover your own road to true happiness.

I understand love at first sight; I really do. However, when you are considering moving in with someone, it is better to be safe than sorry. If you REALLY love him, and I think you should if you are going to cohabitate, then why not wait just 2 or 3 months? It may be hard, but it could show your family that you are a bit more serious than they might think, and it will give you guys a bit more time to get to know each other. Additionally, just to assure your family and yourself, maybe you should get a background check done on him. It may sound sneaky or paranoid to you, but if he has nothing to hide, he should understand your need to make a safe decision, and he shouldn't protest. A clean record will also help your family cope. Additionally, it would be beneficial to introduce him to your family.

The background check might sound crazy to you, but I offer you this advice from experience. In high school, my best best friend met this great guy at work and wanted to date him. The only trouble was, he was a lot older than she was (she was 17 and he was 30.) He seemed like a REALLY amazing guy, though, and in his defense, my friend Kristin was ALWAYS being mistaken for a girl in her mid-20s, both by the way she looked and acted. So anyway, her parents were very cool and open-minded, since there was a 12-year age difference between her mom and dad, so they said they would not rule him out if he had a strong character. Well, unbeknownst to Kristin, her dad, who was a lawyer, performed a background check on her new boyfriend, and found out that this AMAZING guy was wanted on vehicular manslaughter in Arizona, had done jail time for drug trafficing, and was a registered sex offender with 2 restraining orders against him for stalking young girls. I SWEAR! When confronted, it was as though her boyfriend morphed into a completely different person. He exploded into a fit of rage for this invasion of privacy, and then left without ever coming back. So, while it may seem like a drastic step to take, it isn't a dumb one.

Just think of it this way: if he has nothing to hide, he won't mind, and a clean record will put you and your family at ease. Also ask to meet his family; get a feel for how he interacts with them and how normal they seem. Trust me, you won't regret it later. Good luck!

Dear Kay,

Believe it or not, you are not alone. Being lonely is being lonely, regardless of whether or not there were lovers in your past. So, rather than clinging to the fact that you have never had a romantic relationship, just think of your situation as not a unique one; you are single and looking for companionship, which is VERY SIMILAR to many women of all ages. I think the problem with the way that you are looking at your situation is that you are almost allowing the fact that you have never had a lover to define you. You are not "the woman who has never had a lover." That is not WHO you are. You are everything else first.

Secondly, you must realize that AS a woman, a human, with needs for companionship, it is ok to admit that you want to ask for help once in a while. I know several friends who have had GREAT results from link removed and link removed. I do not know anyone personally who has used link removed, but I hear it is a nice safe dating experience. THERE IS NO SHAME IN ACTIVELY SEEKING LOVE! I believe, though, that for the BEST results, you must be completely honest about who you are and what you are loking for; don't try to become what you think others may want. In situations such as this, honesty is the best policy, through and through! Remember, though, do not use the fact that you have never had a relationship as your opener, or even a way to describe yourself. It isn't WHO you are, and you can't let it OWN you. Think of it this way: would you find it appealing to hear a guy talk to you about all his past lovers and failed relationships when he meets you? Probably not. In the same respect, don't drag your past (or lact thereof) into the mix. Just talk about what your values, dreams, ambitions, and interests are. For example, is Kay a free spirit who enjoys Impressionist painters, gourmet cooking, and art exhibits? Do her values include flexible moral outlooks and acceptance of all lifestyles? Or does Kay enjoy attending church functions, antique shopping, and country music? Does she look for a mate with traditional values and a chivalrous attitude? Decide who Kay is, and then it will be obvious why men should fall for her!

It is also possible that you have simply settled into a routine and it is too hard for you to knock yourself out of your rut. Once you figure out what activities you might enjoy (have you always wanted to make pottery, for example?) go get info on personal-enrichment classes taught by your park district or at a local community college. Join a night class that meets once a week; I guarantee that at the very least, you will soon have an expanded social group, and that in and of itself can be a blessing. Who couldn't use more friends? Hint: a great way to meet sensitive guys is through classes like creative writing or art appreciation. Are religious values important to you? If you do not already belong to a church, synagogue, etc., join one! Many places of worship, especially in larger cities, offer services such as Catholic or Jewish singles' clubs, where you can meet safe, reliable singles.

I hope this has been helpful to you. My aunt recently married for the first time at 47, and she had only 2 boyfriends before that that any of us knew of. Life will surprise you; never give up!

I am 19 years old, and I have a BIG problem; I can't get a job!

I have been unemployed for about 2 years now, although I apply for jobs constantly. Sometimes, out of curiosity, I will visit a place where I have applied just to see who got the job. Generally the individual with the trainee badge seems inept and second-rate, with such outstanding qualities as gold-capped teeth, dirty hair, and poor people skills. When I see this, I can't help but get more than a little depressed. How are these people more employable than I?

When applications ask for me to account for any periods of unemployment, I find it very difficult to account for 2 years without a job. Additionally, I had to withdraw from university last year with failing grades because of a chronic health condition that prevented me from attending school regularly. At the time, the condition went undiagnosed, with many people thinking I was crazy, so, without difinitive proof, the school was unable to excuse me and I had to withdraw with failure, lowering me from a Dean's List student to a 0.0 GPA flop. As if it weren't insulting enough to ruin my academic record over a legitimate illness, and to have everyone thinking I was a paranoid hypochondriac, I later received a diagnosis for my condition: celiac disease, a serious allergy to wheat gluten, that had destroyed my intestines and drained me of all energy. When I approached the school about changing my academic record with proof of my illness, they refused.

So, as if it was not depressing enough to have everyone thinking I was a paranoid lazy liar and getting kicked out of school for it, I now have to admit that I was thrown out of school for not coming, and that I am often sickly. GREAT. I am sure that looks VERY appealing to an employer. Now that I have a diagnosis and am receiving treatment, I do not have the health problems that I used to, and am sure I could accel in any job environment. However, with minimal work experience, a major gap in employment, and a sketchy academic record, I fear I will never find the employment I need.

I do not live with my parents any more. I live with my boyfriend in an apartment, but our landlord is selling the building and we will soon have to move out. We cannot afford more expensive rent without me finding a job. I would love to work in an office environment where I can communicate, work with computers, and write and proofread, but at this point, I would settle for just about anything. An additional obstacle is that I cannot work around flour, which eliminates food service. I am very fearful of my future, and I need money. I am also so depressed over my bad luck, and I haven't met anyone who can give me good advice. Can anyone help? Thanks so much.

OK, this is the topic that I know something about!

My boyfriend is currently an x-ray technician, and he graduated from his program in May of this year. Up until then, I helped him study, so I'm the woman to ask!

Ok, if you want to get a head start on some things like anatomy, I commend you for your work ethic, but I would suggest you invest in inexpensive anatomy falshcards, or, better yet, check out a book like GRAY'S ANATOMY from your library. I would NOT suggest that you buy any extra books. I know it is easy to get caught up in the excitement of a program you are entering, but keep in mind that each class you take will have a required textbook, and if you haven't bought college textbooks before, especially science ones, you should know that each book will easily run in the neighborhood of $100, even used. That being said, know that you will have to buy many of them, and it will be very frustrating if you already have 2 or 3 anatomy books and have to fork over $100 for another one.

Secondly, it is true that most states require certification to work as an x-ray tech. The only state I know of that doesn't require it is Missouri, and you can only work in MO without it, and they pay less there. But don't worry; if you graduate from any accredited x-ray program, you will be eligible to take the certification test, and if you do ok in school, you'll do ok on the test. The whole last semester of the program is basically devoted to studying for the test. The test qualifies you to work in all 50 states AND Canada.

Third, you should know that all programs I have known of require a clinical rotation, or residency, meaning that you get on-the-job training. This can be fun, but the bad part is that many schools will randomly assign you to a hospital, and it may be up to hours away from where you live. Find out what clinical sites your school uses, as you may have a chance to ask for a nearby one if you ask early. The other crappy thing about clinicals is that you will work up to 30 hours a week for the hospital (keep in mind that the hospital gets to charge $300 bucks per x-ray) and not only will you NOT get paid for the work you do, but you actually PAY the school to LET you work for free! This can get extremely frustrating, and as you will have little time for an extracurricular job during this part of the program, you will also be broke. Keep this in mind so that you can apply for living stipends as part of your financial aid if you qualify, and it may help you to live with your parents during this time.

Most x-ray programs can be completed within 2 years at a junior/community college. These programs offer affordable tuition, and you will graduate with an AAS degree and be eligible to work. Some universities and other 4-year institutions are beginning to offer BS degrees in radiography. Whereas in most fields I can say there is a significant benefit to possessing a BS over an AS, AA, or AAS, in this situation I can say the benefits are limited. You may be more desirable as a department manager, for example, but you aren't granted a better job title or even more money over a 2-year tech. One choice that I believe you will find to your benefit, however, is seeking additional training in CT scans and ultrasound training. For a 2-year student in an x-ray program, adding just one more semester of school can certify you as a CT tech and ultrasound tech, which will offer SIGNIFICANTLY more job opportunities than tech certification alone, and also a pay increase of up to $10 an hour over regular techs. For this reason, I would say it is REALLY worth it. Best bet for the money: enroll in a 2-year program and get additional CT/ultrasound certification.

Other than that, relax, don't stress too much, and have fun! Good luck!

Well, I can't solve everyone's issues with parental overprotectiveness, but I can clear up some questions about contraception.

When I was in high school, I was a peer educator for my local Planned Parenthood, and part of my duties included sex ed stuff for my peers, so here's some leftover advice:

Birth control pill: 99.9% effective when used correctly. Available by prescription only, and when you go to get the Rx, you will need a routine pelvic exam. During this time, the gynecologist or nurse practitioner who sees you can clear up any questions you might have. Included in correct use of the pill is to take it regularly for AT least a month before it is effective. It is NOT effective the same day you start your first pack!!! Secondly, you should try to take the pill at roughly the same time everyday (like with breakfast or at lunch), don't skip pills, and remember that the pill is ineffective while you are taking antibiotics.

Condoms are 92-97% effective when used correctly on their own. A simple way to boost their effectiveness is to use a spermicidal lubricant with the condom; condoms with spermicide already on them in the package are available, and with this added protection, are 99.9% effective when used correctly. Correct use of a condom is VERY important, and many people use them incorrectly without knowing it. For example, do you know a guy who is carrying a condom in his wallet "just in case," or in his car? That condom should NEVER be used. Condoms are made of super thin latex in order to offer maximum pleasure. When cared for properly, latex is very durable, will stretch to fit any penis size, and will offer maximum protection against pregnancy and STDs. However, latex is very susceptible to damage by heat or long-term friction. They are best kept in places like dresser drawers and bedside tables. Spending time in wallets, pockets, or cars (in hot or cold temperatures) will create microscopic holes in the latex. Additionally, oil-based lubricants such as petroleum jelly or Vaseline, or any kind of oil (i.e. massage oil, essential oils, etc.) will break down the condom. Only water-based lubricants such as K-Y jelly are compatible with condoms. Finally, every condom wrapper is stamped with an expiration date. Do not use a condom after it has expired. Before using a condom, pinch the wrapper to sense a slight pouch of air. If you don't detect an air pocket, discard the condom as it may be punctured. If the air is there, tear open the side of the condom wapper and remove the condom. Pinch the reservoir tip, place it on the erect penis, and roll the condom down the shaft. If it does not roll down easily, it may be on inside out. In this case, discard the condom and start over with a new one. Make sure that the penis is withdrawn immediately after ejaculation to avoid the condom slipping off the penis, and have your partner remove it far away from your vagina. A new condom should be used after each ejaculation.

I hope all this info was helpful. Your healthcare provider should be able to answer any more questions you may have.

Ok, this is a tough question. Living very near the borders of the Bible belt, I can say that I have encountered much of the same myself. I am Jewish, and I have friends who are Hindu, Atheist, Wiccan, and more, and from discussions had with them, I can tell you how difficult it is to run into people who tell you that you are going to Hell--especially people you love. The difficulty here is that SINCE they love you, they sometimes think it is their duty to "save" you, or they wouldn't be showing you love. THAT is the tough part. If this happens, I find that the best thing to do is to simply try your darndest to smile and say, "I know how very much it must hurt you to think of my eternal soul being compromised in any way. I appreciate and understand that by sharing your beliefs with me, you are attempting to get closer to me and to help me, which I appreciate, but there must also come a time where you must realize that if God had wanted the same path for me that he wanted for you, he wouldn't have given me the beliefs and ideas that he did."

Generally, even if you don't believe all this yourself, it is a very neutral and simple way to let him know that you respect his beliefs, but need the same consideration shown to yours. Unfortunately, many fundamentalists raise their children to believe very specific things about the superiority of their faith, and it allows for little tolerance of others. Educating your boyfriend on the pagan roots of many Christian traditions, for example, or preparing for him some information that he could read about your faith and practices, might demystify your beliefs and bring you closer together.

The fact that he has sought therapy shows that he acknowledges a problem and has the desire to treat it. However, sometimes people have the desire but lack the strength. The way that you have phrased the problem at hand is that he doesn't see how his behavior is affecting you. It is very hard to step outside of yourself, but look at it this way. He isn't being a good husband to you because he doesn't know how to be right now. As his wife, you do little good by fretting silently. You say that he doesn't see how broken you are, but when you fail to take active steps to help him overcome his depression, he probably feels that you do not see how broken he is.

While he definitely requires counselling, sending him off to the shrink is half the solution. Since you are a big part of his life and your relationship is one of his issues, and because this dysfunction effects your relationship (a relationship between 2 people, not just 1), you need to go along, too. This situation is typical of the ones that cause people to seek counselling.

You are not yet defeated. You care enough about your husband, your relationship, and your family to want to correct this problem. He is showing in the best way he can that he cares, too. It is not too late. You must seek couples counselling. He must be empowered to motivate himself and feel better about himself, and you are a huge part of that process. It can be a difficult and sensitive topic to bring up, but here is a way that might work:

Drop the kids off at a sitter or a friend or family member's house for the evening. In order for you two to have a heart-to-heart, the house must be as quiet and as free from stressors and distractions as possible. Then make him a nice dinner, something that you know he enjoys, and quietly ask if he would please turn off the television for the evening and join you for dinner, because "you want to find out about his day." Tell him that you "feel bad that there isn't enough time to spend just talking." This is a calm and non-blameful way of letting him know that you value his comfort and his time. It is a better way than saying, "It seems like YOU never want to talk," or "you only ever watch tv." These are blameful statements, and will put him on the defense.

Over dinner, ask open-ended questions that give him an opportunity to discuss his feelings openly. Create an environment of calmness and openness. He may not be talkative, but don't get frustrated, and don't show disappointment. Just add statements such as, "I just really enjoy this quiet time with you, sweetie." Finally, tell him, "I am really glad that we have the opportunity to spend time with each other tonight. It seems like that is harder and harder to do. Sometimes I worry that I don't always get the opportunity to show you I care, and I want to let you know that I am so grateful for our marriage. I have been doing a lot of thinking, and I think that I might benefit from talking to a counselor with you. What do you think?"

This way, you have said nothing blameful about HIS behavior or HIS problem. You have phrased it all as though it is YOUR concern about YOUR action, and you are asking him for a favor in accompanying you to a counselor. If he really cares about making things work, he should agree to this as long as you are calm, loving, and blame-free.

Best of luck!

There is totally nothing abnormal here, I promise!

First of all, just because you're a girl doesn't mean you are never supposed to think about sex. It's a stereotype that it's ok for boys to think about it and not girls. Most girls (ok, all girls) think about sex at one time or another, but they just don't talk about it because each one thinks she is alone!

Secondly, it doesn't make you a pervert, no matter how weird the dreams get. Think of how weird some of your non-sexual dreams can be. Ever dream that you are on some crazy gameshow? You dog is talking to you? Your mom is Morticia from the Addams family? If you've ever had a weird dream that you can't explain, it's just because your brain takes lots of things from random places and glues them all together in your sleep. Now that you are a teenager and talk of sex is all around you, your brain picks up on that, too, and adds it to the mess and confusion.

Third, it's normal to think about a topic so controversial and taboo as sex. People on tv, in movies, at school all talk about it. Do it, don't do it; there's a lot to think about. So with all of those messages bombarding you from all angles, it's hard to wipe it out of your mind. But don't worry about it. Dreaming about boys you like or the craziest sexual escapades imaginable is ok. It's safe, it's sane, and it's not wrong. Besides, no one gets to know about it but you, and you can't get pregnant! My best friend when I was 13 had a dream about having sex with a whole team of Australian rugby players! She thought she was such a weirdo! But, she wasn't. Your mind is affected by hormones and social influence, and dreams are just funny and unexplainable things.

So, in the mean time, try not to worry. You're certainly not alone here, and if the dreams make you uncomfortable, just shake your head, say "what a weird dream," and don't worry about it again!

It sounds like you have a fantastic relationship, and I am sure you will definitely have sex one day with him, maybe after you're married, or maybe sooner than that. The question here isn't whether or not you and he are good for each other, but just whether or not sex is right for you right now. With my boyfriend, we were just like the two of you, and I thought that nothing would ever come between us. Trust me; we always said it was just like we were already married. e dated for over a year before we had our first argument! But no matter how well you know someone, things will still be different when you two move out of your parents' homes. It wouldn't seem like things would change, but issues like finances and living together will really bring up more conflicts than you knew you two could have!

Not that I am saying you will break up. My boyfriend and I are still going strong, after we have been living together for a year, but adjusting to domestic bliss wasn't as easy as I had thought! What about college? Is he in school? Is he planning on going to school? Will you mind if he doesn't? What about you? You are probably going off to study somewhere; have you made provisions for keeping your relationship strong if you live in different cities? Are you willing to make big sacrifices for each other? Right now, your relationship is more than perfect, but sit down together and talk realistically about upcoming months and years.

Finally, decide what sex means to you. Obviously, it means SOMETHING, or you wouldn't have put this much waiting and consideration into it, so really evaluate what your expectations are, what your future will have to be like, and how you want your sexual experiences to be, and then don't settle for anything less. People online can give you lots of advice, but follow your heart and listen to your conscience when making such a big decision. Virginity cannot be reinstalled; once you lose it, it's gone.

While there have been lots of informative and educational factoids on cousin marriges resulting from this post, let us not forget that that was not exactly the topic. the point here is that we have a confused kid who has just commited a sexual act with his cousin and wants advice. You know, when I was little, my cousin and I did "play doctor" and I believe there was an incident of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours," which I am relatively sure is quite a common happening with little kids of the opposite sex, just wanting to know about differences and so forth. However, I wasn't a teenager at the time! Bottom line, it's normal to have a lot of confusion and sexual feelings during adolescence that you are trying to sort out, and maybe you are just looking for a handy partner to answer your newfound needs. However, this situation could get pretty messy. It is ALWAYS best to have sexual encounters with someone in a committed relationship, and it's not easy or wise to have one with a family member. Do you really want your friends and family to know about this? I'm pretty sure you'd be an outcast, and when you grow up, you're going to be REALLY embarrassed about it (good luck at family reunions)! My BEST advice is nip this habit in the bud. Sexual experiences will come in time between you and another girl you ARE NOT related to, and that will be best for EVERYBODY! Good luck, and please consider stopping that behavior.

Ok, some of you guys seem to have an idea of what to do, and some don't. However, I'd like to start off by first congratulating and commending all you lads for your efforts to please your mates.

As a woman who enjoys er..."manual stimulation" from my boyfriend, I will tell you what works and what doesn't.

When we first started fooling around, the poor dear had no CLUE what to do, which was endearing, but one thing I fell in love with him for was ASKING. I hate it when men assume that they know how to please you. Even if they could easily please their last girlfriend, all women are created differently, and every woman has her own tastes and preferences. thereforeeee, there is no disgrace in saying to her as you gently caress her body, "I want to make you feel good, so please don't be afraid to guide me." Girls will LOVE your honesty and your true desire to please them, and they will be more likely to reciprocate, too!

As a general rule, I do NOT enjoy getting penetrated with fingers; I enjoy having my clit massaged. Unfortunately, many men think that to finger IS to penetrate. NOT SO! What always gets me off like a charm is the following formula:

Get her in the mood by lightly and delicately kissing her neck, shoulder blades, and earlobes. Run your hands on the OUTSIDE of her clothes. Make it linger; make the suspense build. Then rub her crotch from the outside of her clothes, and press yourself against her. Feeling an erect penis through your pants pressing into her will get her VERY hot. Then unzip her pants, and slide your hand in but OVER her panties, tickling her lightly. Continue to kiss. Then snake your hand in under her panties and tickle the outside of her p*ssy, then gently work your finger in and at the top of her mound inside the lips to find the clit. Importantly, make sure your girlfriend is sufficiently wet. If she is wet, rubbing her clit lightly will feel SO good. If she isn't, there will be PAINFUL friction. It may help to lick your fingers. Then gently rub around the clit to find out if she likes it on or near the clit, and then keep a steady, soft motion. When men masterbate, they tend to speed up and go harder at the end, but changing the pace and pressure keps women from climaxing.

Ok, best of luck on this, boys!

Ok, so I remember all these kids when I was 12 or 13 who were "going out" with one another for like a day during lunch and then "broke up." What a joke! That's not dating, and if it is, be glad you aren't doing it. I got my first boyfriend at 15. All my friends said I was a late bloomer becasue hey had had "like 10 boyfriends." But what were these relationships made of? Fluff. My advice is, if you are crushing on a boy, doodle his name a bit, dream about him at night, and you are probably in as serious and committed a relationship not even TALKING to him as those so-called couples around you. My first few "boyfriends" were flops, but that's the way it's supposed to be, eh? Everyone said I was a late bloomer, so I dated my first boyfriend just to prove I wasn't weird, although we had nothing in common. My valuable, meaningful, real relationships came much later on, and that's ok. When you get older, people don't even count those first few playground flings. Trust me. So by that time, it won't matter. My best friend didn't have her first boyfriend until she was 18, and she is the first of us to be married, so some people are slower in some areas, faster in others. Just let it happen naturally; you aren't alone. It's also entirely possible that many of your peers are making up relationships that never existed just to fit in. Be the first of your friends with integrity and guts and admit that you are a proud single chica!

If you get your belly button pierced now and let's say you get pregnant in three years, assuming you have no infections and take care of the piercing, it should heal over well enough to go without it. What you can do is get a certain thickness of monofilament (clear plastic) thread that you put through the hole of the piercing and take out the ring if you ever get pregnant. It won't be noticeable, and you just need to change out the string for a longer length as your stomach grows. But you WILL have to take it out, as your innie bellybutton will most likely become an outie in pregnancy. But it is also true that almost every woman I have ever known has had lots of stretchmarks after pregnancy, and you'll have a big scar accross your belly too, if you have a c-section, so in that case, you probably won't be showing off your post-preg belly that much anyhow! My advice is to go for the piercing if you've thought long and hard about it, and most importantly go to a professional piercer. Choose on quality and how clean the environment looks over low price. Choose simple hypoallergenic jewelry to avoid allergic reaction. Choose surgical quality metals, not cheepies or even silver or gold, until after your naval has fully healed. Also, follow care instructions to a T, and don't take it out or swap the jewelry before you are supposed to, even if it looks like it is healing fine. If all goes well, you can take the ring out without a scar. If you don't take care of the piercing, you WILL scar, and get a NASTY and DANGEROUS infection, so be responsible about it. Good luck!

I have read both your posts apparently regarding this girl, and I can see one thing in common here: your bizerre wish to make her cry as you reveal your true feelings.

Umm...I don't know if you've seen too many Mandy Moore movies or Dawson's Creek reruns, but she is more likely to feel freaked out and caught off-guard than share a passionate moonlit moment with you. And when I say "more likely," I mean the second scenario won't happen. Ever.

If she really likes you and respects you, she won't promise that you are the next person on her list after she is "through" with her current boyfriend. If she was willing to do that, that would show that she doesn't take commitment or relationships seriously, because it would show no commitment to her current boyfriend, and it shows no respect to you dangling you there like a cat toy.

Also, I GUARANTEE it will screw up/complicate your friendship, and don't expect some thing where she gushes, "and I've always loved you, too!" because if she did, she wouldn't be with another guy.

You also seem to have self-esteem issues. Big ones. You are too needy if you are willing to be her doormat, and you are far too emotionally high-maintainence if you require someone to gush and cry over you. It ain't gonna happen, bro. You clearly are looking for someone to fill a void that you feel...maybe you don't feel wanted or loved enough. I would recommend joining some activities like sports, drama club, art club, or whatever activities your school offers. By discovering your hidden talents and showcasing them for others, you will see your self-confidence grow. Especially if you are in drama club...it's practically a requirement that you be overly emotional! Just kidding, but seriously, it will introduce you to new people who can see you from a fresh perspective, and they will find your talents and newfound confidence to be attractive. You need to create your own self-esteem. No girl can give it to you.

In the mean time, stop dwelling and obsessing and trying to create the perfect moment, the perfect girlfriend. Those things don't exist, and you certainly can't force them to. Learn to like yourself first, be a good friend, stay out of this girl's personal life, and meet new people so your social circle isn't so limited. Time apart will definitely help her to realize that she apreciates your friendship, and as hard as this is to accept, if it is meant to be, it will happen on its own.

Forst of all, don't give big gifts on the first date. I know you like her, but you will come on WAY TOO STRONG. For example, I love it when guys treat me sweetly, act chivalrous, etc., in subtle ways, like opening doors, paying for movie tickets, but overall, I am most comfortable when a guy acts casually around me, like we are best friends and THEN some. A guy who is too mushy from square one looks pathetic, clingy, and desperate.

If she and her boyfriend are on the outs and their relationship is failing, what the HECK are you doing trying to fix it? That's just tupid; you're involving yourself where you TOTALLY do not belong. Secondly, TELLING her that you have been trying to fix her relationship is not going to impress her. She will instead think the following things:

If you clearly like her, why are you trying to keep her together with another guy? She'll think you are a liar and just trying to play on her emotions.

If she BELIEVES that you are trying to keep her with her boyfriend, then she probably WON'T think you're interested in her.

If you do TOO GOOD a job convincing her to stay with her boyfriend, she probably will.

She will probably get really mad that you are involving yourself in her personal life. She will definitely NOT be impressed.

Take it from me. If she is involved in a lot of drama with her soon-to-be-ex right now, she won't want added drama and confusion from you. Talking all about yor intense feelings, bringing up a whole screwed up situation with her boyfriend, making it look like you are in on some scheme with her current bf, all of those things will be HUGE turn-offs. Girls who are just getting out of serious relationships do not want to immediately leap into another one. Keep things casual. Go out to a casual dinner at a diner, maybe a place where other kids your age hang out, go to a movie, get a sno-cone and hang out in a park, or something like that. Spend time as friends first, while still treating her like a lady, and let HER come to YOU if she wants to.

From personal experience, I can tell you that I went on a few dates with this guy who seemed like a lot of fun. We had a great time together, and I was starting to think he might make a good serious boyfriend. However, he told me he loved me and asked me if I wanted a big family on our THIRD date! Whoa, talk about overkill! I had to break up with him, because I felt totally smothered and freaked out. Super-romantic dates are best reserved for things like anniversaries, not first dates. And so are big gifts.

Also, gifts should be given because you think she'll like it, NOT because you want to buy her affections or get an emotional response out of her. If you do all this on your first date, I think you'll be the one crying when she asks to go home early.

Good luck, and stay sane!

Am I the ONLY woman here who doesn't mind if my boyfriend goes to a strip club?

First of all, NOTHING will happen between him and a dancer. If he wanted to be secretive about his actions, he wouldn't tell you he was going or invite you along. My guess is that he either used the strip club thing as a line to get him off the hook for babysitting, or if, like you said, his friends all go and he never has, maybe he's just curious, or maybe his friends are giving him a hard time about it and he just wants to fit in.

For example, my boyfriend had never been to a strip club either, and his friends were all asking him to go. He kept saying no because he thought I wouldn't want him to, but then finally he explained to me that his buddies were really giving him a ribbing about it, so I told him he was free to go, and I meant it. It was the perfect opportunity for me as a girlfriend to show him that I trust him, and if he knows that, he will be less likely to resent me for being possessive. After all, if he wanted to be with another girl, he wouldn't be dating me, right?

So I ended up going to the strip club with them once, and I will tell you two things. First of all, I enjoyed it. The girls were great entertainers; you should see some of those really great pole dancers! I still don't know how they do it. Secondly, none of the girls in there would hit on a guy for real. They are just doing their job, and nothing will come of it. Like someone else said, it would be more dangerous to let your boyfriend go to a bar full of women who are looking to get picked up than for him to go to a stripclub. You aren't even allowed to touch the dancers.

Finally, I want to say something about jealousy and trust. How many of you women have looked at a cute guy while you were in a reltionship? Ever giggled with your girlfriends over how hot some guy was? What about a really ripped and hot guy at the pool? A guy with no shirt on shooting hoops in the park? It's not wrong; it's human. Just because you thought he was hot or even fantasized about him momentarily doesn't mean you would cheat, right? There is nothing wrong with window shopping. I know my boyfriend looks at Playboys, goes to the occasional strip club, checks out a girl at Hooters with his buddies. Do I care? No. He is with me, not them, and that's all that matters. Jealousy is the worst quality to possess; it will eat you up and destroy relationships, and in the end, it is your problem, not his.

First of all, it seems like you are dealing with several issues here. First of all, you might love your boyfriend a lot, but it seems like he may be pressuring you to do something you're not comfortable with. If you feel unsure about any of his requests, you should be true to yourself first.

Secondly, it seems like you are insecure with how you look naked. I STILL don't think you should send him naked pictures, but you SHOULD try to be more comfortable with how you view yourself. You need to own yourself, take pride in your body. That means two things: love yourself for the unique beauty that you are, and secondly, don't hand over your wonderful senf to just ANYONE because they ask you to. I wouldn't give anyone naked pictures of myself...you never know how they could come back to haunt you. Think of it this way: would you want your MOM or DAD to see them? You never know. Also, you may want to think long and hard about having sex with him, too. I loved the firt guy that I had sex with, but it still turned out to be a BIG mistake. And if you do decide to be intimate with him, make sure that you use two forms of protection, one to protect against pregnancy, and one to protect against STDs, such as a condom with spermicide. Remember, if you aren't comfortable enough with your boyfriend to discuss contraception, and you're too embarrassed to get some, you aren't ready to have sex.

If you have any more questions about body issues or relationship issues, I would recommend reading OPHELIA SPEAKS by Sara Shandler, and CHANGING BODIES, CHANGING LIVES by Ruth Bell. Both are collections of short essays and advice from real girls and pros...easy and good reads.

Good luck!

Ok guys, I'm new to this board, but I had to join to get some advice on a very weird situation I am in.

There is this guy that I used to be completely in love with a few years ago, I'll call him "Jake." We used to be really close friends, but after he found out I had romantic feelings for him (and he didin't see me that way), he stopped talking to me. A few years later, he started talking to me again, telling me that he had done a lot of growing up, realized that I had been a good friend to him, and that he was wrong for ending the friendship. So, we started talking again. I have to admit, talking to him again and seeing him again has reignited some of those feelings, but I decided I would rather be just a friend and be in his life than not in his life at all.

Lately, though, all he talks to me about is this friend of mine, "Chelsea." Chelsea is really pretty, funny, smart, and talented, and she is so nice, which is why she is one of my best friends. However, about a year ago, Chelsea came out to me and admitted that she is a lesbian. It really surprised me because I guess I had a lot of stereotypes in my mind about lesbians, and she is so girly, glamorous, and popular, and guys are ALWAYS hitting on her. Well anyway, nobody except me knows that Chelsea is a lesbian, because she doesn't want her parents to find out, and she is scared of what people will think, so when guys ask her out, she just says she already has a boyfriend or she is too busy to date. Lately, though, Chelsea is all Jake wants to talk about. He keeps wanting me to set him up with her.

First, I said that she already has a boyfriend, but he found out from her brother that she doesn't have a boyfriend. Then I wouldn't give him her phone number, because I know she hates getting calls from guys. When I wouldn't try to set him up with her, he got really really mad at me. I said that I was pretty sure she just wasn't interested in him, and he couldn't believe it. Now he is accusing me of not helping him out because I am still in love with him and I am trying to win him for myself! Then he got her number from someone else and called her, and when she said she wasn't interested, he accused me of turning her against him! I can't tell him the truth about Chelsea, or I will lose her trust, but if I don't I might lose him as a friend. What should I do?