Aylin

I'm sorry this happened to you. It slashes your self-worth into a million pitiful pieces!!! One thought: Never never stay with anyone who cheats. With all the love and kindness, everytime it happens you're telling the cheater that he/she can go cheat and you'll still take him/her back. Wow! Isn't it great for him/her!? Don't waste anytime being confused because there's nothing to be confused here. You're certainly hurt, deeply too, but you know you deserve better. You need to move on. Staying with him or wanting him back is more about restoring your self-worth and that's not the way to go. You're sinking even lower if you do that. And for the girl he's with, I hope she's ignorant of the situation. But if she's aware of who you are, SHAME on her! It's a rotten thing to do to anyone. I've never been in your situation before, but I've been oggled and propositioned by men who are already attached one way or another. I'm always shocked, every single time too, by the lack of respect these men have for their loved ones. And seriously, we girls should band together against these men and not hurt one of our own!

Schmenj, I understand what you're saying. But here's my thought: My ex-ex and I were together for many many years. We connect well on all levels except on how we want our relationship to be. Hence, the breakup 3 years ago. Took me a while to get over that. We became friends again about a year ago, and I realized that we will always be friends for a long long time. He's a very good man, a wonderful individual to be around. Family and friends are very important to me, and since I'm in this city alone, friends are family members. Good friends, truly good friends are hard to come by. And for that reason, and that reason alone I want to keep my friendship with my ex-ex. Having said that, and as difficult as it is, I did cut off contact with my ex-ex to be with my new ex. I thought long and hard for 2 weeks before making that decision and finally told my ex of the decision. He asked how is he to know that I really mean it, and I say only time will tell and my action will tell. And to think I was naive enough to believe that was the only issue in our relationship. Soon after that, he started picking on other things, the hot and cold treatment persisted. I was again confused, and he wasn't sure if I was still his gf. We both, embittered, did exchanged some spiteful remarks. I realized that I didn't want to go down that path, so I asked for a time-out. NC has been good, and thanks to all my good friends and you guys, I've been able stay strong for the most part. I cried everyday for the first week and felt like a zombie. I've stopped crying, but I've been angry for the past 3 days. I miss him terribly, but I can't bear the hot and cold treatment. I can't bear the thought that he's thinking if I'm worth keeping. One day I'm a god-send, and next day I'm not sure if I have time for you for the rest of the week. Please don't jump into conclusion that I was asking him to spend every waking and sleeping moment with me. I'm a professional - I work 50 hours a week, in the process of decorating my place, and have many social obligations. Even when we had our final discussion, he said that I was a great catch, like everyone else. But maybe he said it because he was trying to smooth things over, or out of guilt...I don't know...

Thank you Majoelner and Scout for your input. All my closest friends that I've confided in say the same thing, but I can't get over the fact that he may have been waiting for me to initiate the break all along. Isn't it outright manipulative and unethical for someone to do this to another fellow human being whom you supposedly love and cherish? Is there no honor in love anymore?

Thanks much Screamindemonuk for your thoughts. I've been told again and again by female friends that most men need to know that they are the only men in their women's lives. It's hard to accept that there are other males hanging around even though it's all friendly. We all have baggage. At what point does it cease to be an issue?

I recently broke up with my bf because I'm so confused. I went out on a date with him before I left for a job in a city accross the country. He swept me off my feet, and we fell in love. He was crazier about me than I him though. He wanted to get married, and told everyone he knows about me. I left still but we were going to make things work somehow which included him moving out there with me. Meanwhile he called me 20 times a day while I was accross the continent, sent me flowers, and lovely emails. He flew over to spend a week with me after a month, and was more serious about moving to the new city with me. I was over-wrought by the distance so I went back to be with him, but I didn't tell him. It's a great surprise! After the end of the first week, everything fell apart. At first he blamed me for having coffee (only once for an hour) with my ex (now a very good friend) who I broke up with 3 years ago. He then accused me of having inappropriate relationships with my male friends (I'm a rather modern and open person but I'm all about loyalty and honesty). He wanted to know every detail who I went out with and so forth. Then he started cutting me out of his family and friends that I've just gotten to know. He wouldn't go out with me anymore, but we would still spend a lot of time in his apartment. He then told me that he's not sure if he loves me anymore that he needs more time to think about what went wrong. How can he fall out of love so quickly since I was the love of his life just 2 months ago? I asked what I have done that led to this and he has no answer for me. We fought a few times, and at one point he said he didn't know why I was so emotional. I got upset because he left me waiting for hours into the night when he was supposed to come pick me up. I know he's totally stressed out about work, and thereforeeee money problems. He came accross as someone who made a lot of money, but now that I back, I realized that he's pretty broke half the time. His parents bail him out most of the time. I don't really mind that since I'm financially independent, and all I want is for him to love me. And I believe he will do well financially in the distance future. He does have the pattern of only short term relationships. And he was burnt a couple of times by women he dated who went back to their ex-bfs, and he have had an affair with a woman who cheated on her live-in bf with him. We had a good conversations about all these issues and I thought all was resolved, or is it? He says he doesn't want our relationship to be a 3 month fling but he has no answer for me. He's not sure why he constantly tries to irritate me or says mean things to me. He would say 'No' to everything simply because...even though he doesn't really want to. Can someone give me some sort of an insight please? Do you think it's helpful that I asked for a time out from the relationship? We're both in our 30s.