SQ

Hey Vickirose, I can schlock through the "I'm stuipd and need to die" suicide thoughts like no other. However, this is like an underlying feeling I can't get rid of... And I am volunteering somewhere... lol. >>

Alright. I know you guys get TONS of "Oh, I'm going to kill myself because life sucks" threads. This is not one of them. First of all, I am sixteen. School is out. Life is stress-free right now. I have Chronic Depression, and It's getting to the point where I'm switching through different meds to get it so I can live close to a normal life. Now, here's the thing. Two days a go, I had a conversation with someone... Which led to something else. I wrote a journal entry(I have an online journal to vent stuff so it doesn't get TOO bad) that describes it best: So basically, I have this underlying feeling that I will kill myself, even though I don't want to. I've never felt this way before. It's always been "I know I have a good life but I'm going to kill myself anyway because I'm stupid" Yet this time, it's completely different, and I am confused. I did go to a counselor, but that didn't work for me. I'm purely a vent-in-journals and meds type of person.(My Chronic Depression is a family thing, nothing triggered it). Now, my phsychologist sucks. My family and I don't like him, but he is the only one covered by our medical insurance right now. We cannot afford to go to a place uncovered. I have an appointment with him tomorrow about how the medication hasn't been working lately, but I want a second opinion without spending a buttload of money. I'd also like to know what exactly is going on in my head... I'm at the point where I am supposed to be weaning off Zoloft, so one of my friends who also has Depression says this new suicidal stuff may be pill induced. The only problem is if that's not the case and I do go off the pills, I will probably only end up hurting myself and others a hell of a lot more, and I don't think it's worth this risk. Any help you guys can offer? EDIT: Everytime I said "chronic", I mean "clinical"..... >>