OK here I go.
About 5 mths ago my fiancée decided she didn't love me anymore This obviously flipped me out completely I didn't know what do anymore went onto anti-depressants attempted suicide twice but bottled out at the last moment, and generally couldn't see a future for myself.
Her reason for the break up was that she had changed (I think that's the oldest one in the book isn't it)
The main problem is that we share(d) the same group of friends and drink in the same place, since then though I no longer give them the time of day in fact I'd go further than that and say that I've started a fight with on of them and on another occasion stood up in the pub in front of everyone in there and called the group a bunch of two faced lying w***ers (this I do still agree with)
Although she has caused me so much pain that I hate her, whenever she comes into the pub my heart flutters and I forgive her. I still love her with all my heart and would have her back at the drop of a hat.
After the initial spate of depression I decide to have a style change went out and spent a fortune of clothes and generally spruced myself up.
Then I started looking at the way I was when I was with her.
Jealous, possessive etc.... (I'm sure she'd add more if she read this!) and decided to do something about it this I've done to an extent and I've started seeing other people (one in particular) with great results.
Then what happens??:
I spend the night (Saturday just gone) for the first time with my new g/f all well and good until we go to the pub on Sunday where the usual gossip starts (she's a barmaid there) between the regulars (nice stuff really just people saying that I look happy and how nice it is to see after such a long time)
Then One by one 'that' group start appearing - fine no worries cause they go outside into the garden, I continue to chat with g/f until she starts work (3pm) then go and sit with my mates.
(Skip 6hrs - just drinking )
By this time most of 'that' group have gone home and the 3 left (including ex) come inside, at this point I was sat on my own and was just reading the paper when said Ex came over and asked if she could have a word, I said no worries and went outside with her.
the edited conversation went something along the lines of:
Me: What's up?
Ex: I just wanted to know whether all the gossip I'm hearing is true?
Me: What have you heard?
Ex: That you spent the night with Said g/f
Me: Yes why?
Ex: Just wondering...
Me: Why are you jealous or something?
Ex: A bit!!!!!!
Me (Thinking): A F***ING BIT hang on a minute you dumped me 5mths ago.
Me: what? Eh? Confused??? do you miss me then?
Ex: sometimes yes
Me: what? Eh? Confused??? (Again!)
Ex: How many people have you been with since us?
Me: 3
Ex: 3? I've been told it's more than that...
Me: Don't listen to that bunch of liars
Ex: there not liars!
Me: whatever..
Ex: who are they (the three)
Me: told her.... how about you?
Ex: 2
Me: who are they?
Ex: not telling you!
Me: look I'm not playing games with you, you know I've changed and want you back what are the chances?
Ex: nil at the moment.
Cue her walking inside and me going back to the bar.
Anyway this had obviously screwed my head up so I went home.
When I got there I wrote a text to her but couldn't get it to sound right so left it till today.
This is what I said:
Sorry but this has to be said:
Why did you have to do that last nite? You already know that I've changed and would do anything to have you back and you still said what you said! Christ you really have a talent of f***ing my head up.
I got an answer back about lunch time that went along the lines of (I deleted it by mistake) sorry to mess up your head I just needed to clear my head up.
So I sent back:
Well do me a favour and use someone else as a clear your head up sounding board cause I can't deal with it as I'm f***ed up enough thanks to you. I don't mind being friends but don't give me s**t if I walk off it's just the only way I can deal with it for the moment. Oh and one other thing stop listening to all the bulls**t (sorry white barn gossip).
Although I'm still confused as to why you should care anyway.
Mat.
Sorry this went on so long but I didn't want to leave anything out
Also I'm not really looking for answers I just wanted to write down how I was feeling for the first time in my life - feels pretty good!
Cheers
Mattyboy
