Pushy dad

here's the thing, my dad is getting very very pushy. he is constantly talking about me preparing for college. i am not saying that i don't care about college, cuz i do. and i know that i should prepare and get ready. but he is ALWAYS saying that i should do better and better, and now it's getting extremely annoying. i know he wants what is best for me, but i think he is overdoing it a little. he nags too much.

i got "A"s and "B+"s for the term grade and it didn't seem to satisfy him. it's like nothing i do is good enough. and i am trying my best. i studied during Xmas vacation, for almost 3 hours a day(after Xmas, of course)while other ppl watching tv and playing video games.

i can't take it anymore, what do i do?

Hmm, perhaps it's different in the US, but here in Canada at the age of 14 parents usually don't assert that much important to college. After all, we only begin applying when we're 17 (or in the case of those who started school early like myself, 16) so you're grades in the years before do not have much of an impact on whether or not you are accepted. Obviously, it's always better to pass all of your classes, but it seems like you're doing more than passing.

I'm sorry that your father does not praise you enough; I know exactly how that feels. I always felt that even if I got 100%, nothing would ever be good enough for my parents, and it's horrible to feel that you are serving as a disappointment. What you need to do is change your mentality - tell yourself that your grades are for YOU, not your father, and as long as your grades will allow you to achieve your life goals, than you should be completely satisifed. Afterall, it is YOU who will be going off to college, not your father, and YOU who will be choosing your career.

Unfortunately, I don't think there is much you could say or do that would change your father's attitude. If you've never speaken to him about it before, than perhaps let him know that a little encouragement or praise would be appreciated every once and awhile.

Whatever you do, don't let your father get you down, you're doing a good job.

You need to neutalize the feelings that you have for your dad's nagging. Pretend like he is the world's worst nag for a moment and see how you would feel then. While he is nagging try to understand his viewpoints and if you need to put him down a little, then do so. Parents get mixed up and take things way too seriously occasionally...let his feelings go, he is clearly being unrealistic.

Breath, do some yoga or pilates.

thanks for all the advices, guys. i really appreciate it.

but he is ALWAYS saying that i should do better and better

I well remember my school report which read "talo could do better". My parents were not pleased. I knew something was wrong with this statement, but what?

Not until many years later did I realise that this may be seen as a question of love.

There are, in the context I am using here, two types of love: true or actual love, and false, ideal or idealistic love.

True love is love of the actual, not the ideal. True love loves what is, not what may be. For true love, there is nothing better (or worse). True love is loving me as I am; not loving me for what I might be, or could be, or will be, or should be.

True or actual love loves the actual. False or idealistic love loves the ideal.

So what was wrong with the statement "talo could do better"?

What was wrong was that it was based on false or idealistic love, love of the ideal, and not true love, love of the actual: and I had taken it to be based on true love. I was in effect making myself wrong by believing that my teacher and parents were telling the truth; that they were right: that that statement was based in true love; but it was not; it was based in idealistic love.

This statement showed me that, in this instance at least, my teacher and parents did not truly love me as I actually was, but idealistically loved me as an ideal, as what I might be, or as I was not.

So, idealistically speaking, it was my teacher and parents that 'could do better' by not being (so) idealistic, judgemental.