Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: I mistrust her cause she won't tell me whats bothering her

  1. #1
    philanx
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    19

    I mistrust her cause she won't tell me whats bothering her

    I have this ex gf who I've known as a friend for a couple of years and we went out for a short period. She broke off our relationship after a month and never told me why. She didn't break it off officially but withdrew from me over a month and would talk to me for a couple of weeks. I contacted her a few times to ask her why she was withdrawn and if there was something I had done. She told me everything was okay and I was being the perfect partner but she was just busy and didnt have the energy to talk.

    After about 3 weeks of silence, she called me out of the blue and told me she was seeing someone else and was sorry but it had just happened out of the blue and she hadn't planned it.

    I asked her what I had done and why she had dropped me out of her life. She told me I had done nothing wrong, she hadn't meant for it to work out like this and that I should never question the past because things work out the way they are supposed to.

    I moved on and a few weeks ago, she started contacting me again. I am friendly but I don't make any offers to meet up or anything. She is getting more persistent and frequent with her calls.

    My problem is that I trusted her the first time and was very open about my emotions, dreams etc, while she wasn't. Now, she is trying to get me to do it all over again but I keep my mouth shut because I have no idea what she is thinking.

    Should I be blunt and ask why things went wrong the last time? I have a feeling she wont want to talk about any of it and that is confusing for me cause I never know what she is thinking until she makes some sort of change in behavior.

    I've never encountered this type of behavior and don't know what to make of it.

    Anyone got any advice?

  2. #2
    geekgirl4
    Platinum Member geekgirl4's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    1,497
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    Honestly, I wouldn't keep such a dishonest person in my life. Her words and her actions don't line up at all, so I don't think there's much point in stressing yourself out wondering what her intentions are. Even if you ask, I have a strong strong feeling she won't be honest, just like when you two separated. Even if you ask she'll probably lie about it anyways. Perhaps things aren't working out with her new guy so she's falling back on you (her back up). Don't try to understand her behavior, you have better things to do, like move on.

  3. 05-06-2011, 08:22 PM

  4. #3
    iBroken
    Platinum Member iBroken's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    3,299
    Gender
    Female
    Perhaps I missed it in your post, but nothing implies she is interested in having a relationship with you?

    If this is the case, what are you worried about?

  5. #4
    HeartGoesOn
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    15,327
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    3559
    It looks like honesty is not one of her strongest points.

    Unless you're unconcerned about being tossed aside again without any explanation, I would wash my hands of her.

  6. #5
    sidehop
    Platinum Member sidehop's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Age
    38
    Posts
    6,879
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    3
    Ya...either she is constantly afraid of committing; or possibly have abandonment issue where they'll simply throw away good relationships and people due to bad experiences from the past.

    In either case make it clear to her if she can't be honest even as friends then it's probably best you two stay separate.

  7. #6
    philanx
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    19
    Thanks for all of your advice.

    The reason I'm thinking about this is because she is exhibiting the same behavior and asking the same questions she did the first time we got together. I went the NC route, not to get her back, but to help myself sort out what had happened.

    She started contacting me again and making a bunch of offers to be there for me when I need it and generally pushing for us to hang out again like we did the last time. One thing she didn't do was apologize and she doesn't bring up anything that happened the last time.

    This time around, I have been declining to hang out and changing the subject when she tries to get me to share my feelings or to speak about myself. This is making her try harder and that's why I was wondering if this was the time to bring up the past and let her know my misgivings.

    Just as many have posted, I didn't do that because I wasn't sure she would even give me a straight answer. I also thought she might use any information I shared to reshape her approach in a weird strategic way.

  8. #7
    geekgirl4
    Platinum Member geekgirl4's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    1,497
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2
    Sounds like she wants what she can't have. Continue no contact and declining her invitations. If she dropped you so easily without any notification before, what makes you think she has no qualms of doing it again? Let her know you're not someone to be dropped and that you're into people who are honest. And leave it at that. She has issues and its not your place to help her with them when you've already been used by her before. Be careful you don't get caught up in trying to help her and spiral into another bad situation with her...again.

  9.  

Top Threads
Girlfriend planning to have gay friend sleep next to her in same bed
So my girlfriend is planning on having her friends over for a party in the next month or so and she does have limited sleeping space. Nothing about
Is it normal for a person to freak out out of nowhere?
Like, you´re talking to the person about something that slightly bothers you, but it's still a normal conversation, no one is yelling. Then all of
HSP in LDR, about to move to be with him and get married
Im a Highly Sensitive Person. I get very overwhelmed very easily. If i dont sleep well, if theres too much noise, if there are too many
BF controlling what I post
This whole thing seems so silly, it's embarrassing to even write out, but I'm torn here... My boyfriend and I are both in our mid-20's. So, call it
Miscommunication need advice
I recently posted a similar question as a reply in a different forum and got no responses, so I'll try over here. Long story short, I've been
Feelings disrespected
My bf and I have been together a little over a yr now and when ever I try to talk to him about an issue he tells me to, "shut the F up". He threatens
Is he joking or putting me down?
Need some advice! My BF of 7 months jokes around a lot and sometimes it feels like he's putting me down. He kept saying that I "swiped on him first"
Featured Threads
He Left My Clothes in His Yard to Pick Up
Here is a follow to my situation: After I spent four days with this guy I met online, I inadvertently left a few clothes at his place. Almost two
Does he really think I'm trolling him/can't trust me or is just an excuse?
Met a guy last summer. I broke it off with him 3 times in 6 dates, over concern about distance, but kept apologizing. The last break off he said he
My 8 year old won't go to sleep or stay asleep 😣😣
Feel like I am losing my mind. My 8 year old just won't go to bed.. or she at least won't stay in bed. She is still up now at 9.45pm (after being
HSP in LDR, about to move to be with him and get married
Im a Highly Sensitive Person. I get very overwhelmed very easily. If i dont sleep well, if theres too much noise, if there are too many
Am I being selfish or unreasonable?
Hi everyone, Sorry for my first post to be one of all doom and gloom, but I'm stuck and don't know what to do. I want to start by saying that I
Stomach flu fears
I have a huge fear of stomach flu, if i am exposed or know someone has had it a have really bad anxiety and stress over it. Yesterday at 11am at my
Boyfriend Likes Questionable Pictures on Instagram– Should I Be Worried?
Long story short, he's been liking some questionable pictures that this other woman (whom he knows irl) posts. In one of the pictures he liked, she's
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •