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Thread: I mistrust her cause she won't tell me whats bothering her

  1. #1
    philanx
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    I mistrust her cause she won't tell me whats bothering her

    I have this ex gf who I've known as a friend for a couple of years and we went out for a short period. She broke off our relationship after a month and never told me why. She didn't break it off officially but withdrew from me over a month and would talk to me for a couple of weeks. I contacted her a few times to ask her why she was withdrawn and if there was something I had done. She told me everything was okay and I was being the perfect partner but she was just busy and didnt have the energy to talk.

    After about 3 weeks of silence, she called me out of the blue and told me she was seeing someone else and was sorry but it had just happened out of the blue and she hadn't planned it.

    I asked her what I had done and why she had dropped me out of her life. She told me I had done nothing wrong, she hadn't meant for it to work out like this and that I should never question the past because things work out the way they are supposed to.

    I moved on and a few weeks ago, she started contacting me again. I am friendly but I don't make any offers to meet up or anything. She is getting more persistent and frequent with her calls.

    My problem is that I trusted her the first time and was very open about my emotions, dreams etc, while she wasn't. Now, she is trying to get me to do it all over again but I keep my mouth shut because I have no idea what she is thinking.

    Should I be blunt and ask why things went wrong the last time? I have a feeling she wont want to talk about any of it and that is confusing for me cause I never know what she is thinking until she makes some sort of change in behavior.

    I've never encountered this type of behavior and don't know what to make of it.

    Anyone got any advice?

  2. #2
    geekgirl4
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    Honestly, I wouldn't keep such a dishonest person in my life. Her words and her actions don't line up at all, so I don't think there's much point in stressing yourself out wondering what her intentions are. Even if you ask, I have a strong strong feeling she won't be honest, just like when you two separated. Even if you ask she'll probably lie about it anyways. Perhaps things aren't working out with her new guy so she's falling back on you (her back up). Don't try to understand her behavior, you have better things to do, like move on.

  3. 05-06-2011, 08:22 PM

  4. #3
    iBroken
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    Perhaps I missed it in your post, but nothing implies she is interested in having a relationship with you?

    If this is the case, what are you worried about?

  5. #4
    HeartGoesOn
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    It looks like honesty is not one of her strongest points.

    Unless you're unconcerned about being tossed aside again without any explanation, I would wash my hands of her.

  6. #5
    sidehop
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    Ya...either she is constantly afraid of committing; or possibly have abandonment issue where they'll simply throw away good relationships and people due to bad experiences from the past.

    In either case make it clear to her if she can't be honest even as friends then it's probably best you two stay separate.

  7. #6
    philanx
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    Thanks for all of your advice.

    The reason I'm thinking about this is because she is exhibiting the same behavior and asking the same questions she did the first time we got together. I went the NC route, not to get her back, but to help myself sort out what had happened.

    She started contacting me again and making a bunch of offers to be there for me when I need it and generally pushing for us to hang out again like we did the last time. One thing she didn't do was apologize and she doesn't bring up anything that happened the last time.

    This time around, I have been declining to hang out and changing the subject when she tries to get me to share my feelings or to speak about myself. This is making her try harder and that's why I was wondering if this was the time to bring up the past and let her know my misgivings.

    Just as many have posted, I didn't do that because I wasn't sure she would even give me a straight answer. I also thought she might use any information I shared to reshape her approach in a weird strategic way.

  8. #7
    geekgirl4
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    Sounds like she wants what she can't have. Continue no contact and declining her invitations. If she dropped you so easily without any notification before, what makes you think she has no qualms of doing it again? Let her know you're not someone to be dropped and that you're into people who are honest. And leave it at that. She has issues and its not your place to help her with them when you've already been used by her before. Be careful you don't get caught up in trying to help her and spiral into another bad situation with her...again.

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