I'm dreading next week because I'm going to start seeing you everyday again. I have so many things I want to say to you, but I don't want to you talk to you. The thought of seeing you makes me break down, I am so terrified of what will happen when you're actually in front of me. I don't know how we got here and I wish I could just go back 3 months and say yes when you invited me out that night. Instead I let you have time with your girlfriends and of course you met someone whom you have since left me for. I already see you all day in my head, I don't want to see you in the flesh. I haven't talked to you in 3 weeks. I've had your number up to call at least 20 times, I've had at least 100 text messages typed out waiting to be sent. But I've been strong enough not to call or send them. I don't know if I want you back or want every memory of you gone. What I don't want is to be the wreck that I was 3 weeks ago, which is what I'm afraid I'll turn into when I see you again. I know you will pretend to be friendly and you'll come say "Hi", I hope I can say it back and walk away. I don't want to say everything I've been thinking, I don't want to give you that satisfaction.