It's been almost 3 years since you broke up with me a week after I gave up my life and moved a thousand miles to be with you. Your last letter said you couldn't live without me and "I was the one". How quickly this changed when you said “we have a difference of opinion. You think you are the one, but I don’t see it yet.” You gave me a full week before it was over. You said you weren't sexually attracted to me and you were ashamed to be seen with me. I laughed at you for 20 minutes after you said it. But it was not the laugh of joy or happiness, it was pain. You were my first love and you tore my heart out that night and in a few statements, crushed me more than anyone. But you were a fool.
You see, since that time I have gotten my life together. Your words pierced my heart but they also let loose something inside of me. Something that made me realize what I had feared all my life: you were right. If I had not met you, my life would not have changed. Since I met you I've lost weight, moved on to a better and higher paying career, started dressing better, and realized that I could be a great boyfriend. I would never have hurt you, embarrassed you, made you feel like you weren't appreciated, been mean to your or your kids, stopped taking care of you or been ashamed to be with you. You will miss out on this.
You once said to me that I was weak, but you fail to see that you are the weak one. You emotionally took everything away from me. For four months, I lived in a hotel room with no one to talk to while you moved back in with your ex-husband, but it didn’t destroy me. I got back up. You couldn't handle one week alone before you ran back. You are so afraid of being alone, so afraid of feeling anything, so afraid someone will abandon you that you can't sustain a meaningful relationship with anyone. The pain you feel will never leave you because you are too afraid to face it.
In all of this, I do not hate you. Strangely enough, I have never hated you. 3 years now and you still text me that you miss me and think about me. I've gotten over you. You are not even a thought in my mind most days. When I do think about you, it is to thank you. You are the catalyst that was needed for me to change. Nothing and no one else could have done it. The pain I felt was intense, but the outcome has been worth it. One day, I will meet someone who is 100x better than you and she will reap the rewards of the seeds you sowed.
So with all that, I want to say thank you. Yes, thank you. Thank you that I will no longer have to put up with someone who doesn’t appreciate me, thank you that I am not stuck with someone who wanted to change everything about me, thank you for releasing me from putting up with your bratty kids, thank you that I don’t have to listen to you criticize everything I do and try to control me, and most importantly; thank you for being honest because your honesty saved me.