pfbsurf

You said you were an "idiot" for taking me for granted. That you made a mistake. He was 27. you are 44. I hope it was worth it. I still don't know what happened, but it was more than a simple text or two. hope it bothers you. It certainly bothers me. You are vain, obsessed with your looks and getting older. You have never been married. You want someone to take care of you, to pay the bills. I can't be that person, at least not right now. You lied to me, and cheated. You could have let me go, but you chose to keep me around and in the dark. I am caught up in your looks - your charm, your body. caught up in having someone in my life, someone to talk to, someone who likes me. I may or may not ever meet someone like you again. I guess this is a good thing. i'm so tired

So much that is going through my mind. The nights are the hardest. I think that I am pinning all of my complicated worries on you and whatever it is we had. I miss you but you are fading. Your lying to me is not though. It is still very clear in my mind. I feel humiliated - that i could trust someone, again, who would lie and cheat. I want to ask you why. I want you to say your sorry. That is it. I don't really want you back. I just want to be able to move on. two months in and I'm still sick about all of this.

Day 7 official NC. 26 since BU. I find myself in a severely depressed state. I cannot stop thinking about her - the texts to that guy, her being with him. I only asked her to be honest with me and she couldnt do that. I'm not going to do anything rash but life does seem to be cruel and meaningless. I hope i can get a good nights sleep.

I wish you hadn't texted me "Happy Fathers Day" and "I do miss you" yesterday. Five days NC. OK, i have been looking at your Facebook page. So maybe that is not really NC. I do miss you. (i just listed the reasons why. then erased them. i just want to forget them) i dont' miss the lies, my paranoia and snooping. Your behavior that warranted this. It was simply not meant to be. I will meet someone, someday, that wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them. I want you to miss me. I really think you do. I really do believe that you and I had some important "connection". I do want you to be happy. But i want me to be happy more. I NEED to find some happiness, NEED to smile again. For myself and for my kids.