joey1975

I know how you feel because I am going throught the same thing, I am gay and he left me because he said that, he didn't feel attracted to me anymore. He said that he wanted to be alone. I was ok at the beginning of the break-up and then I decided that I need to move out because he was becoming so distant and always going out with his friends and not with me. Its as if I went into last place with him for everything, he just doesn't care anymore about me. He tells me that he cares, but I just don't feel it. We try to be friends for a while and the whole time I wanted him to come back to me and be together again,.... I was lying to myself and to him. Last time we spoke he said, that I never try being his friend and that I just wanted to get back together, and I guess its true, but can you blame me for trying. He was the most special person to me, I really loved him and I still do. Now people tell me that I have to learn how to love myself and how to take care of myself now, but its so hard. Specially when he is already dating someone else. I do wish I was stronger than this, but I am always thinking with my heart, and it hurts too much. I realize I have to do what people say, that I need to go out and meet other people, and not sit at home and cry for him. Now I do wish he was my friend because I only want his happiness, but its too late, I have behaved as a psycho stalker and I feel really sorry for that, the only thing I did was --- push him farther away from me, when I only wanted to give him my love or anything special that was in me. I did something really stupid last time I was at the club and saw him, I just grabbed him and kiss him, right in front of his new BF, I acted on impulse and somehow I thougt it was going to be like a "QUEER AS FOLK" episode in which the music stopped and time stopped and he would snapp and say , I love you too, but that didn't happen, that was all in my head, in my fantasy, the only thing I did was draw him further away from me and closer to his new boyfriend. I do wish him well, and I do wish that he'll be happy, that is all I want now. Because I feel as if someone has taken my best friend, my love, someone very dear and special to me. It just hurts that he is not with me and that he is so angry at me and most likely will never forgive me for the way I have behaved. People tell me that things will be ok, that I will survive, so I say that to you too, we will survive, we will get through this hard times. Hopefully some day we will fall in love again and not give all your heart without giving anything to our own selves. I loved to much, and forgot about me. Good luck . take care.

I wish I knew why it hurts so much not to be with him. I guess it is easier for the person that breaks up with you. He is already dating someone else and it hurts so much, because I wish I was the person still with him, holding his hand kissing him, but that can not be any longer. He is gone from my life and I have to learn how to deal with that. I have tried so hard to win him back but the only thing I have done is just push him away from me. It really hurts not to have him, not to look into his eyes and tell him that I love him. I acted like a psycho bitch for a while, but that was not my intent, I was just trying to keep from losing someone so special to me, when the answer was there the whole time. The answer was and is love. I should of have listen to what he said when he decide to break it up, but I didn't want to listen I just wanted to hear what I wanted to hear. I find some comfort in a passage from the Bible in Cointhians 13 If I speak in the tongues of men and angles, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all knowledge , and if I have faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful;its not arrogant or rude. Love does not inist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends;as prophecies , they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect; but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke as child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child, when I became a man, I gave up my childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have fully understood. So faith, hope, love abide, these three, but the greatest of these is LOVE. ----- I know that right at this moment they are together, he has traded me in for someone new, and it hurts really bad, but I do love him deeply and now I realize that all I want is for him to be HAPPY, even if its not with me, It hurts so bad and it should not. It hurts as if someone has taken my heart from my body and left me bleeding to death. I know that it should not hurt like this if I love him the way that I said that I do. I only wish him happiness and I know I have to let go somehow. Good bye my baby, I will always love you......