dino9401

It's been a while, I just wanted to say hi and see how you are doing?

I miss you

I realize now that I was just a rebound to you. I hope it helped you get through the heartbreak. I know I was used but I thought there was more to our relationship than what was really there. I think what hurts the most is not the fact that I lost someone who meant a lot to me, but that fact that I didn't mean that much to you. You were caring at times, and you were affectionate at times, and you did treat me well at times. I just think that maybe I should've just concentrated on being a good friend to get you through your bad time instead of trying to be your boyfriend. I don't know if you think about me, if you care about me, or what is going on in your life now. But what we had for 4 months meant a lot to me and I miss you. I'm glad I was able to help you get your feet on the ground. I know you could've done it on your own but I'm glad I was there to help. I know that you have told me that I was so what you needed at that point in your life, but in the end you also told me you were fine and what we had was fun. I hope you are happy and take care of yourself.

I want so bad to tell her how much I hate her right now.

Day 2 or at least the start of day 2. Technically it's only been 24 hours. I still feel the same anxious, wondering what she's doing, who she's with, how she feels. I still check for text messages from her. I know it's bad.

So today I am starting NC. I have had anxiety all day. My mind has been wandering all over the place thinking about our time together, specific events together, when did it all go wrong, all the future plans together that now will never be. I feel numb yet pained at the same time.

I know it's not wise to write anything, but I wanted to let you know that if I remove pics or posts it is not out of hate or spite. I need to time to accept what I thought was there was really not. I knew a while ago that whatever we had was not going to work but I didn't want to accept it. I have only really opened up to a few people in my life which I trusted and it all ended badly. I know the same has happened to you and I know that we never really opened up to each other. What hurts the most is that in time I think we would've trusted each other, we just never got to that point. We are at completely different places in our lives and you need to go and enjoy your 20s and 30s so I apologize if I put you in a situation which was not suiting to your needs. In time I hope that we will become close friends and that I know what you had to deal with and will deal with and how it can affect your life. So know that you can always talk to me about stuff you think you can not with other people. Trust me, I have never met anyone I can talk to about growing up mixed and with very dysfunctional parents and I have never met anyone (or their families) willing to accept it. I hope you have better luck than I did. A smile can only hide so much. I enjoyed our time and will miss it but please give me time to move on.