The Shroud of Personality: How We Defend Against Anxiety and Sadness

We often think of personality as a concept that is largely fixed—some people are simply "meant" to be extroverted or introverted, sensitive or strong-willed—whatever the particular descriptor may be. But these descriptors aren't so absolute as we sometimes make them out to be. The reality is that personality is formed, at least in part, by our own attempts to cope with life's anxieties and sadness.

It's true that some of us may be predisposed to certain tendencies or inclinations—a strong will toward independence, for instance—however, it's how we've chosen to respond to the ups and downs of life that will largely dictate much of our personality. When we are feeling fearful, anxious or down, we seek protection in various ways. Whether it's masking ourselves with laughter and joking, trying to seem calm and collected when we're everything but, or bulldozing our feelings down—we seek comfort in defense mechanisms.

We use defense mechanisms as coping strategies, to protect ourselves emotionally from our feelings of distress. They allow us to distance ourselves from reality and ignore problems that may seem too overwhelming. Relying on defense mechanisms can become second nature and it's in this way that they become tightly woven into our personalities. For example, those that continually attempt to mask their feelings with humour and charm may turn into the "life of the party" type of person; while those that remain completely silent in the face of distressing situations may come across as very stoic and unaffected.

These defense mechanisms, though often effective in the short term, can lead to consequences in the long term. If left unchecked, for instance, burying feelings and emotions too frequently leads to feelings of detachment and isolation. Meanwhile, continually playing off difficult emotions and experiences with sarcasm and wit could lead people to shut down any meaningful connections even more.

We also tend to project our personalities outward, believing them to be immutable, making it difficult to take the time to reflect on how they were developed or evolved. It is important to remember that so much of who we appear to be—so much of personality—is transferred into the world originally in an act of self-defense. Thus, it's important to reflect on how we are responding to sadness and anxiety—and to ask ourselves if there are better, healthier methods.

What's clear is that the shielding of emotion behind a flameproof wall of wit and cynicism won't keep us safe forever. Both our sadness and our anxiety are products of life, and they cannot be ignored nor avoided in the long run. To truly recognize our personalities and accept their complexity, we must spend time understanding how we react and respond to distress and anxiety, allowing for the opportunity of growth and change—no matter how much the shroud of personality appears impenetrable.