How Can I Overcome My Insecurity in Relationships?

Dear eNotAlone: I am struggling with immense insecurity about my relationship, and it is putting a strain on things. In the past few months, I've become more and more anxious about the stability of my relationship. I'm constantly worrying that my partner is going to leave me, or that they might be seeing someone else. This lack of trust in my partner erodes away at our connection, and is making it increasingly difficult to find joy in our relationship. I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells, afraid to give too much because the rug might get pulled out from underneath me at any moment. I want to trust again, but I'm scared to make myself vulnerable because of all I've gone through already.

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Insecurity in relationships can manifest itself in various ways, from doubts or fears that your partner no longer loves you, to general anxiety that undermines the trust between you. It's important to recognize that these feelings can come up, regardless of how strong and secure your relationship actually is. No relationship is completely free from issues or conflict, and experiencing insecurity is a normal part of being in a relationship. The good news is, there are some steps you can take to help tackle this issue head-on and create a stronger bond with your partner.

First and foremost, it's important to explore the thoughts and feelings that arise when you experience insecurity within your relationship. Why do you feel anxious? What worries you the most? What kind of thoughts are coming up? Talk to your partner about this, being honest and open—communication can go a long way towards reassuring each other and understanding what's going on beneath the surface of your worry. Even if it can be uncomfortable to talk about, addressing these issues openly and honestly can help you both be more aware of what's going on in your relationship and help rebuild the trust between you.

When dealing with insecurity in a relationship, it's great to work on building better self-esteem and love for yourself. Many times, our insecurities can stem from deeper feelings about ourselves and our worthiness. To focus on self-love, take time to appreciate your own unique gifts and talents, and practice self-care by engaging in activities you find enjoyable. The more you tap into your own self-worth, the less you may find yourself questioning your partner's loyalty or devotion.

It's also beneficial to practice mindfulness while in a relationship. Mindfulness can be defined as having the ability to remain in the present moment, without rumination or judgment. When you practice this, it's easier to recognize when worrisome, self-defeating thoughts come up. Don't get caught up in ruminating negative storylines; instead, focus on your partner's positive intentions and actions.

Set appropriate boundaries in your relationship. When our boundaries are respected and honored, we all flourish. But if a partner continues to act in a way that upsets you, then it's time to communicate your needs and expectations. Have a firm and honest conversation about respect in the relationship and how you both can more effectively support each other. Make sure also to take breaks when needed—it is ok to take time apart to recharge and refocus.

It's important to recognize how your insecurity is impacting your relationship. Talk to your partner, work on self-love and self-care, practice mindfulness and set strong boundaries. By taking the initiative to address this issue, your relationship will be better and stronger than ever.