We've all been there — that moment when you start to wonder what it's like being on the other side of the dating pool. You’ve fallen head first into situationships and confusing encounters with guys (or girls!) only to find yourself more lost than the hours you’ve wasted in them. You look back and think to yourself, “Is it me or am I attracting the wrong guys?”
The answer is complex, but it’s worth examining why you are in these situations in the first place. Believe it or not, you have the power to choose and more importantly, control who enters your life. Your choice in potential partners is influenced by your subconscious and the underlying self-esteem issues you may be struggling with. Unknowingly, you may find yourself attracted to people who lack upstanding qualities and bring you down instead of lift you up.
Stop and Think
The next time you encounter an unwanted situation or a seemingly nice person with questionable intentions, take a step back and think. Ask yourself two questions: (1) Does this person add value to my life? And (2) What’s my motivation for staying in this relationship, no matter how casual?
Asking yourself these questions can quickly validate or nullify whether you’re choosing a partner wisely. If the answer to both questions is no, it’s probably a good indication that moving on would be the best option for you.
Search for Signs of Self-Worth
If the idea of asking yourself those two questions seems daunting, then start learning to listen, really listen, to others but more importantly, to yourself. Keeping tabs on your thoughts and feelings can help you identify who is best for you and who isn't.
Your relationship choices follow the underlying rhythm of your self-worth. If you feel uncomfortable discussing things that are important to you or even sharing qualities or traits about yourself, acknowledge those feelings and begin to become aware of them. Explore why you’re feeling that way and start to learn about yourself. A scrupulous sense of self-exploration can help you take inventory of areas where you might be lacking. This will also push you towards prioritizing your needs and looking out for your wellbeing in every corner of your life.
This can be hard, but once you have taken stock and figured out why you have felt so confused and why you’ve attracted less than stellar romantic partners, then it’s time to start saying goodbye. If you find yourself constantly questioning your choice in partners, start to take a hard look at the types of people you've found attractive or attractive enough to take a chance on. Saying goodbye doesn't necessarily mean cutting someone off entirely, but rather recognize that person's place within your life instead of letting them occupy space that they don’t deserve.
Don’t Give Up
Don't give up. Be patient and remember that the right options exist and are out there. With self-love and inner awareness, you can create the right circumstances and attract the right people. Try to remember that self-respect is essential to long-term happiness. Take a break from the distractions, commit to understanding and finding self-worth, and start from there.