Am I being too needy or is my friend selfish?

It's not easy to tell a friend you feel they should be there for you more without seeming selfish, so I have compiled a letter to my friend in hopes I can tell her my feelings have been hurt. I don't know why I feel that letters are better. I guess because I am able to fully vent how I feel without interruption or excuses.

She has severe insecurity issues and I feel puts men over me and even tries to get attention from guys when we're supposed to having "our time". And I feel that she doesn't follow through on plans or even makes excuses. She acts needy towards me sometimes and tells me she enjoys time with me, so it really doesn't make sense that she is acting this way...

So here's the letter. Do I seem too selfish or should she respect that I feel this way?... If the letter is not appropriate or too long winded, what's the best way to tell her how I feel? I feel she needs specific instances to fully grasp my point. She has ADHD and I feel that she does not grasp basic social skills.

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"I often end up disappointed, ignored, or excluded by you. I feel like your groupie. Like the 3rd wheel... I feel that I have to compete for your attention and company. When we're out and you focus your attention on other people, I feel that I suddenly become this girl you just happened to run into. I feel like I'm someone to keep you company until there's someone more interesting to hang out with or talk to. I feel it's often about you impressing or pleasing other people, who you're going to invite along, who else there is to talk to... We can never hang out without you being distracted and torn away by someone or something else...

I'd like to see you not worry about who wants to meet up with you, tear yourself away from focusing on phone calls or texts from other people when you're supposedly spending time with me. You seem to do that with me when you're out with someone else, so why is it so difficult the other way around?... You should be able to separate yourself in an environment to spend time with your friend, not you and your friend spend time with other people. I feel you cater to other people's needs, wants, or requests when you're with me and is very hurtful because you're not willing to do that in the opposite situation. You seem obligated to meet up with other people when you're already hanging out with me. On easter, it wasn't enough to hang out with me. You had to include every guy at the bar and ended up ditching me for John later. The day we were supposed to go to the game and your allergies were acting up... You avoided me all day and said that night you were meeting up with a friend and needed to talk to her, that you would call me later. But you never did. Why can't you do that with me- Simply tell people that you need to have time with ME... I respect your time with other people, and I don't think it's selfish of me to expect your friends to respect your time with me. I feel that you make up excuses when it comes to me, but you are willing to do anything and bend over backwards for other people. I called you having a really bad day and wanted to see you Monday, and you never got back with me. You even got off work before close and didn't go straight home. You told me that.

Sometimes, I feel that you don't consider my feelings or friendship and it seems a bit selfish. I often feel I'm not even worth 5 minutes of your time. And it's evident when you don't return my calls or texts when you have the opportunity. I feel that I'm not appreciated or wanted sometimes. Sometimes, you don't return my calls all day because you're out with people, but you interrupt our time and talks for other people. I feel like you can't hang out with me unless you're somewhere you can escape to another conversation with someone else... I try not to take things personally, but I'm not oblivious to the fact that there HAVE been times when you have ignored me. I have had this on my mind for a long time, and haven't found the right way to tell you my feelings have been hurt. I am not trying to come off as selfish or that I don't care about your other friends or value your time... I don't require special attention, just attention when it is due. I feel there are times to hang out with a group of people, and there are times when you should be able to dedicate yourself to one person. I feel like there's never been a time we've been together where I haven't had to worry about who else is going to show up or who else is "more important" than me. At least I FEEL, sometimes, that other people are more important than me because it seems I am just a convenience or option to you when other people are a priority. I feel I am able to make you part of my life, a priority when you need me, but feel that I'm always an option to you. I am an understanding and patient person, but I don't understand why you do things like this to me and make me feel this way. I can't keep feeling this way anymore..."

I realize I shouldn't send the letter. Sometimes, writing it out helps me decide what to say... I believe this should be a face to face conversation. However, I don't even know where to begin telling her all this... Things ARE getting better, not all the way there, but it's improving. But I need her to know I've felt this way.

Revised: How do I put all this into a quick conversation?

I often feel like your groupie or 3rd wheel or have to compete for your attention & company. When we're out and you focus your attention on other people, I feel that I suddenly become this girl you just happened to run into. Our time together seems so rushed. I feel it's often about you pleasing other people, who you're going to invite along, or who else there is to talk to... Seems we can never hang out without you being distracted and torn away by someone or something else...

I'd like to see you not worry about who wants to meet up with you, and tear yourself away from focusing on chit chat phone calls or texts from other people when you're supposedly spending time with me. You seem to be able to do that to me when you're out with someone else, so why is it so difficult the other way around? I feel you cater to other people's needs, wants, or requests when you're with me & it's very hurtful because you're not willing to do that in the opposite situation. On Easter, it wasn't enough to hang out with me. You had to include every guy at the bar and ended up ditching me for John later. I felt so out of place and felt that you were pushing me to leave. This is why I'm often uncomfortable at places because I've come to expect limitations. The day we were supposed to go to the game & your allergies were bad...You were still out, but cancelled plans with me for the time being. You avoided me all day & finally said that night you were meeting up with a friend & needed to talk to her and would call me back? Your allergies or drowsiness seem to be unbearable when it comes to following through with me, but you seem to be able to control it and do anything for and even bend over backwards when it comes to others. You knew that I was trying to get a hold of you, and you couldn't even call me back...and ultimately ended up making plans with someone else instead. I respect your time with other people, & I don't think it's selfish of me to expect your friends to respect your time with me. I called you having a really bad day Monday & wanted to see you. You never got back with me or even asked me what was going on. You even got off work before close and didn't go straight home; you told me that. So I feel you had a chance to contact me, but you chose not to.

I'd like to believe you would try to avoid hurting my feelings, so this is why I want to tell you how I feel. If you're out with people, that's cool, but it's not outrageous to ask for you to follow through with me. You do interrupt our time and talks for other people or have the need to be some place you're able to escape to another conversation with someone else. And it's not fair to me. I try not to take things personally, but I'm not oblivious to the fact that there HAVE been times when you have ignored me. I know things come up, and I am forgiving and understanding, but it's been too repetitive. I've had this on my mind for a long time & haven't found the right way to tell you my feelings have been hurt. I am not trying to come off as selfish or that I don't care about your other friends or value your time. I don't require special attention, just a fair share when it's due. I feel like there's never been a time we've been together where I haven't had to worry about who else is going to show up or who else is more appealing to you. I am just a convenience or option to you while others are a priority. I am your friend, so I'm able to dedicate time to hang out, talk, or simply be there for you, but I feel that I'm only an option to you. I don't understand why you do things like this to me if you say you enjoy spending time with me. I can't make sense of any of it. I just can't keep feeling this way anymore...

We hung out last night after an ugly misunderstanding and making up, but we didn't get to talk about things because a guy came and sat at our table, and she focused on chit chatting with him... so I left... She wants me to come out with her tonight and tomorrow, but I need to tell her how I feel before I agree to hang out again. I feel she needs to understand it's common courtesy.