Orpheus85

Dear "wife", Well it's finally been a year since you left me. I haven't seen you in 6 months and I haven't spoken to you in almost 4 months. You've even blocked me on facebook even though I wasn't hassling you. Do you think of me? Do you miss me? I certainly miss you. This has been the hardest year of my life. I wish things didn't end but I couldn't win your heart back. You're looooonnnggg gone. I wish I could talk to you. I wish I could love you again. You've moved on though and have had a boyfriend the past few months. I miss everything about you and our friendship. I've been dating someone new myself but all they do is make me miss you. You're total opposites from one another. It's true when they say you don't know what you have until it's gone. I hope you're going well in your new job, I hope you're making new friends and being who you truly want to be. I feel so sad about us and I feel like I will never forget you. It hurts less 1 year on but still hurts nonetheless. You always told me that you would love me forever and that we were soulmates. We traveled the world together. All my memories over the past decade continue to haunt me. Why was it so easy for you to leave So easy to get over me and our history and move on. I hope you're happy. I don't think I'll hear from you again except for when it's time to sign the divorce papers. This whole time you never once reached out to me telling me that you missed me That actually really hurts. From everything to nothing. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.Psalms 23:4 I feel like I'll never forget you and I'll always feel your loss. I'll always regret what happened. D Day still plays over in my head. Our last kiss still pops into my head. I really F**king miss you. I messed up Our Father, which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy Name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, As it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive them that trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, The power, and the glory, For ever and ever. Amen. I'll love you forever my darling, Regards, Your "Husband". X

UPDATE. My wife left me and moved 3 hours away 1 year ago. We had been together 9 years and I'm 30 and she's 25. I haven't seen her for 6 months and have been in no contact for 109 days! She told me 109 days ago that she was "seeing" someone and then blocked me on social media. The first 6 months of the separation I carried on wanting her back then did a 180 and NC. I felt like I had died, or at least she had. The last year has been very challenging and not a day goes by where I haven't thought of her. I feel like I have been depressed for a year straight. Around the 8 month mark the pain started to subside a little and now 12 months on I feel a lot better than I had. However I'm still not over her. I still check my emails everyday hoping she's written me. I miss her but have accepted months ago it's over. So I've left her alone I'm hoping that with more time I will eventually feel better. Life goes on....

Day 10 NC, 8 months since separation. I made it to day 32 NC and decided to break it. I sent my wife an email on Easter. She ended up saying she misses me and still feels sad and angry about it all but no love. I ended up sending her an apology/closure email but she wrote back one sentance along the lines of "Well I wish I was good enough for you at the time. oh well. take care". It was pretty deflating but I was reminded that she has no love for me and she's a stranger to me these days. She wouldn't reveal to me where she got a job nor if she was dating. Very closed off. So I guess I was reminded that it is definitely over I encourage people who know in their heart that it's over to keep to NC. I'm not viewing NC as something I need to do for 30 days but instead forever. I have to truly let her go. Sad sad sad

Day 28 NC, 7 months since separation. Well I've broken my previous NC record of 27 days! Just focusing on getting through the week and pushing those thoughts out of my head. Same old same old! Can't wait for 30 days but once I hit it, I will aim for 60 days NC.

Day 26 NC, 7 months since separation. Feeling a little better today... those crazy cravings seem to have subsided. Just trying to push those thoughts away... Hanging out with my little brother tonight which will be a good distraction.

Dear Soon-to-be-ex-Wife, It's almost been 8 months since you left and Ohhh I regret our separation. I wish I hadn't let you go. I wish we were still together. I'm consumed by guilt, sadness, loneliness and feelings of abandonment. I wish you still loved me. I wish you thought about me and cared. I wish you would miss me. I wish you would tell me that your life sucks and you made a mistake. Sigh. That will all never happen and I've lost you forever. You hate me now and will never have anything to do with me Life is so f**king hard I wish I could turn back time. Simply, I miss you terribly and I still love you and your stupid face Always, Me. Xx

Day 25 NC, 7 Months since Separation. Ohh man I had a hard weekend with super strong cravings to contact. Didn't give in though. I've felt sad and horrible all weekend and I just wish I could tell her I miss her and that I wish we could turn back time. No point in doing that. She ain't ever coming back I've felt like crying for the past 4 days but nothing seems to want to actually come out. I blocked her and her entire family on Facebook as well. Might help me. Didn't help seeing though that she'd updated her profile picture and cover picture and she's looking great... Hopefully it's just a damn good filter ha ha .

Day 22 NC, 7 Months since Separation. Feeling pretty good today after crossing the 3 week mark again. I still have random thoughts of her throughout the day but they pass quickly. Kinda like cigarette cravings. I guess I could look at this whole thing like it's giving up a drug cold turkey. The weather here is apparently meant to be nice this weekend and I've lined up my weekend so I'm busy and distracted I just want to get through the next 8 days in peace and finally reach that 30 day record that has so far eluded me. I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Thanks for pointing me to that Wayward Fog information. It's very similar to Walkaway Wife Syndrome. I see what you mean about not taking that stuff on board now. It's still hard but I can see where it comes from now. I'm pretty interested in that sort of stuff even though I have no desire to reconcile, it helps me work through what's going on. I don't want to come out of this worse. The best revenge is to live well so I'd rather work through it now than block it out. Re: Music - Ha ha yeah I'm into rock/metal traditionally but had to diversify as they don't typically sing about break ups. Plus now the metal/rock genre reminds me of my ex as we used to go to concerts all the time together and shared a love for a lot of the same bands. Slipknots latest album helped me get through my really angry/sad stage and it's release was timed perfectly. Re: Your NC sitch - Yeah any contact puts you back at day 1 but that's ok. You've still got to communicate to get your things etc so don't worry One other thing. My wife suffers from depression as well and it has been queried as to whether or not she has bi polar. She was taking medication for it until she left. Now she says she doesn't take her meds, feeling incredible and that I was the cause of her depressive thoughts and that she doesn't in fact believe she has depression/bi polar. I too am waiting for that crash to come but I don't think her pride will let me hear of it or see that. But it's inevitable. She's never happy and will ultimately cycle back into that depression at some point. Maybe once her new boyfriend ditches her . A little too late by then methinks. Eh good luck too 'em I guess... Anyway thanks for the advice! It's much appreciated.

I find these are good songs to youtube during No Contact. 1.Tonight I'm getting over you - Carly Rae Jepson. 2.Ten Tonne Skeleton - Royal Blood. 3. Don't Speak - No Doubt. 4. Habits (Stay High) - Tove Lo. 5. Heartless - Kanye West. 6. Battlescars - Guy Sebastian 7. Outside - Calvin Harris feat. Ellie Goulding. 8. Demons - Boyce Avenue (Imagine Dragons cover). 9. Cruel - The Veronicas 10. The Devil In I - Slipknot. 11. Prayer in C - Robin Schultz & Lilly Underwood. 12. Going Under - Evanescence. 13. The Heart Wants What It Wants - Selena Gomez. 14. Rehab - Rhianna. 15. Like A Stone - Audioslave.

Welcome! Misery loves company 😊. I feel for you, I truly do. It's going to suck for a long time. It's hard to reverse that "together forever" mentality that I find comes with marriage. I hate how easy it seems to be for them. Stay strong and keep working on your sh*t. It's the only thing you can do. Thanks for your words. I find 6 + months on that it's those sorts of things that shes said that haunt me. It really screws with your self esteem and ego. She told me "the well ran dry". I do believe they narrate a story for themselves to justify their actions. I'm sure I've been painted as some wicked characture of myself to her friends and family in order to gain their sympathies. She told me her brother hated me now. So obviously she's said something to him because we've always gotten along. That sh*t cuts me 😣. Read up on walkway wife syndrome.

Day 21 NC, 7 months since separation. Well I haven't heard from her in a little over 3 weeks. I've got one week left until I get to 30 days. There's a part of me that doesn't want her to contact me ever again but alas there's a part of me that wishes for that contact. I miss her damn good cooking, her enthusiasm for certain tv dramas, her boring long drawn out conversations ☺ etc but at the same time finding the days to be getting easier. I don't have any urges to contact her. I find myself hating the rawness of life. I wonder at night who's arms shes lying in. I have this ball of sadness in my heart and feel forgotten by her. totally out of sight out of mind. I hate that I think of her throughout the day and night. Hearing the word "wife" makes me sad 😔 and I instantly spiral internally... makes me wonder what my "wife" is up to... Chugging along 😡😒.

Day 18, 7 months since BU. Well still plodding along. Still think of her but have no urges to contact her. Just sad it's over really.

Day 15 NC, 7 months since BU. Well at the half way point. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut and can't escape my feelings even after all this time. I heard that for every 5 years you're with someone, it takes 1 year to get over them. I was with her for 10, so does that mean I'm doomed to feel this way for another 18 months? Ah well so I'm trying to move on quicker so I've been staying off Facebook/emails for my own sanity. I feel like I'm constantly checking them to see if I get something from her which never happens and it's probably delaying my recovery. That's kinda like waiting for a train at a bus stop. Never going to happen.

Day 12 NC, 7 Months since BU. Going alright but I've been thinking of her a lot the last few days and there's a fair bit of bitterness and missing feelings. I have days when I'm glad it's over and then others like yesterday when I can't believe it's happened. I feel like this has messed with my trust in people and I don't know what the future holds. Ah well feeling good that I have only written her once in about 6 weeks. I used to contact her weekly or fortnightly to try work things out. I wonder if she's even noticed I've dropped off the planet