Starting no contact again....

[heynowwww]

hey everyone I have been reading thru the forums and wish I could have found this info when we firs broke up. Here is my situation, dated my ex for 2 years, we were each others first adult love. She cheated on me which caused a lot of damage to out relationship, instead of walking away which I should have I tried to hang on and nothing was the same. We ended up breaking up but still hung out until she met the new bf. Ever since then we have done on and off no contact but one of us will end up going no contact. She has been with the new guy for about 6 months now. We hooked up a couple weeks ago and then the next day she tells me how happy she is with him. I do not get it. I am starting no contact to get my life back and better where it was before I met her, but I am wondering if I have ruined any chance of reconciliation by not setting boundaries earlier. We have also had some severe arguments where things got heated so that may be a problem as well. Any advice would be great, Thank you.

[KrisAnn]

She's playing you. Get out of the situation, for your own mental well-being.

[Advice]

Arguments first of all are a waist of time. All you do in an argument is try to defend your actions wether they be right or wrong. How many times have you said something and realised after that it is completely wrong. Arguments are a power trip. So no need for them. She is happy with this other guy? even more interesting. Is she trying to convince you or herself? Try not to analyze things and take everything at face value, if she says she's happy with this guy, tell her your really pleased and hope it works out. If you keep on seeing her then she is obviousley enjoying your company.You must realise however that your relationship is over. It does not mean that it is over in the future. You have more history than her current boyfriend. Why did you split? If you split cause you argued all the time, then assuming you have dealt with this issue and don't argue anymore, then that hurdle is out of the way. This is what i am saying, if you fix what you want to fix and improve yoursefl then if she laughs when with you and has fun then you never know what may happen. Don't worry about the other guy. I believe that we on this forum have the upper hand because we obviousley want to do something about our situations to improve ourselves and ultimately our relationship. Can you see your ex's going onto sites like this etc.. i know mine doesn't, and guess what, she is doing all the text book things, to the point where i know what she is thinking and even what she will do next. So forget trying to 'win' her back, forget about the other guy and concentrate on been who you want to be and make sure she see's you as you want to be seen. If she likes it then love will shine through. Good Luck

[kellbell]

Hey there and welcome,

 

She does not respect you....at all. She walks all over you and you let her do it. She has no incentive to change or to examine her poor behavior because there has been no consequences for it.

 

My advice, never talk to her again. You deserve more. Let her be with her new man.

[heynowwww]

Thank you for the replies....Yeah... I doubt she is playing me intentionally because she is not that kind of person. I think she may be extremely confused, well I know she is because she has told me. But so much time has passed and there has been so much back and forth between me and her I think either way Im stepping out of the situation and bettering myself, that way if she ever wants to reconcile then I will have my mind right and be better than I was, if not then I will find someone new. I just hope someday we can reconcile because we have been thru so much together and there will always be a place in my heart for her. I have told her that she has no respect for my feelings and she swears she does but I guess actions speak louder than words. Sometimes I hate thinking how I have let her walk over me but I was blinded to the situation. I really do not know if I will ever speak to her again.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

"Yeah... I doubt she is playing me intentionally because she is not that kind of person. I think she may be extremely confused, well I know she is because she has told me."

 

Please stop making excuses for her. She cheated, there is no excuses for that....none. Cheating is an intentional and sometimes a pre-mediated behavior. That is not being confused, that is treating others badly because he/she can get away with it. Stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself. It would be one thing if she worked her tail off to earn your trust back and repair the relationship...but she has not. She has a new man, sheesh. You deserve more than this dude.

 

Hang in there.

[heynowwww]

Thank you for the tough love Kellbell,

I know it should be easy to get over a cheat you would think. She has cheated on me and this new guy now. I will never let myself be compromised again like this. I look forward to finding someone who can stay true.

[kellbell]

Hey no problem,

"I know it should be easy to get over a cheat you would think."

 

No way, I do not think infidelity is easy to get over, in fact, I feel it is very difficult to move past from it. It can compromise your self-esteem, your faith and trust in people. It can could a lot of damage. But the bottom line is, she keeps treating you poorly because you let her get away with it.

 

No contact...all the way man.

 

Stay strong.

[papalazarou]

I know it should be easy to get over a cheat you would think. .

 

 

No way. Its one of the hardest.

 

Even with things like a drink, gambling or drug addiction you can get treatment and hopefully be cured. But something like this is wayyyy different.

 

Dont beat yourself up over not being able to get over it easily.

[heynowwww]

I know it is definitely hard to get over. I can think in my head this girl is no good because of what she has done but in my heart I still care for her. I know this situation will only make me stronger and I appreciate everyone being open & offering great advice.