what does this mean?

[paleoman]

We have been broken up for roughly 5 months but up till a month ago we were talking regularly and still were pyhsical a few times. Within the last month she has pulled a 180, she doens't call anymore, has barely replied to my e-mails and the last time we talked she authoritatively said she has "moved on". I assume she means she has met someone else and isn't relying on my anymore for support. I feel so darn used and betrayed.

[d1whoutf]

Hey Paleoman!

I thin that your girlfriend has probably recovered from what a break up causes. I still think you can be friends with her.

What I don't understand is: why do you feel used?

I understand that once you are with someone, you spend money and time on that person, but that's up to you. I mean, she didn't plan to take your time or/and money and then leave you, did she?

You should move on too. Start a new life, find new friends, and soon, you will possibly find someone that could be better than the girlfriend you had.

Hope this helps!

D1whoutf

[paleoman]

I guess I feel emotionaly used. She broke up with me in early May, I understood why, she had been in a 5 year relationship prior and felt that if she stayed in this relationship she would never be able to have her own life (although I gave her all the space she wanted, etc.) She has deep wounds and I tried to go through that healing process with her but she fought me the whole way. she was breaking up with me left and right over stupid things (to me). I went away for almost 2 months in May, right before I left she came and saw me and we were physical, then the spoke the whole time I was away. When I got back in August we again were physical several times, Then suddenly she stopped, I just know she must have met someone else because of her sudden lack of interest in me. that saddens me because her whole argument was that she couldn't be in a relationship and needed time for herself. I guess people just say those things to make the other person feel better. I just can't help feeling used for my emotional/physical support. I gave her so much love and comfort and always was there for her to talk to, and not having her "need" me anymore hurts, knowing some other guy has taken my place sucks. I know it is over but I almost feel guilty pursuing another relationship. From the outside my life would seem great, I have tons of friends, I am starting a business, I am back in school and I have the privilege of living of royalties. So lot's of people would kill to be in my position. I know there are girls out there that would treat me the way I deserve to be treated, I just can't understand why she stopped feeling that way. I know all the answers logically but dealing with the loneliness is pretty hard. I like knowing someone out there can't wait to talk with me or see me.

[Mar]

Well hon, that's part of the breaking up process....you DON'T have that security anymore, and know you're no longer the center of someone's existence. But did she USE you? Only if you let her. If you spent the time with her physically and emotionally and felt that you AND her got something positive out of it when it was going on, then neither of you was used. After the fact, I can understand the feeling. But you can't say you did it unwillingly, or that you didn't know what might ultimately happen, i.e. her breaking it off with you.....that'd happened in the past, and, from the sound of it, was getting to be a cycle.

 

Yes, it SUCKS to be lonely, every one of us has been there, and HATED it. But you can't really take out your frustrations after the fact and say you didn't know it was going to happen, when chances are, it was a pretty safe bet that you did, just from past experience. Let her GO. Do you regret the time you spent with her physically? No? Then take it as one more good memory of her, don't lump it in with the final breakup and feel used. She shouldn't have led you to believe that things might work out by sleeping with you, I totally agree. But she did, and you enjoyed it. Let her go now, and find some peace for yourself. Easier said than done, but you CAN do it, if you can let go of her.