kissing ok but not passionate

[kate]

Hi everyone!

 

I know this sounds weird - I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years, of which 3 and half living together, but although I'm strongly physically attracted to him (he's very good-looking) and love him, and the sex is really good, I never feel passionate about kissing him.

 

I remember the first time I kissed him (more like a drunken snog, just wondering - why am I doing this, since I barely knew him at the time).

Since then, although there is nothing repulsive about kissing him - his technique's OK, he has good dental hygiene, is lovely and clean and I like the way he smells, I just never feel like kissing him in a passionate way, and if I do, there are no birds twittering or butterflies in my stomach!

 

I tend to peck him on the cheeks or lips, give him loads of hugs etc.

 

One time when the kiss was good, was when we hadn't seen each other for several months and he came to pick me up at the airport, and it was long and lingering, and another time when we were going through a really rocky patch, it got really emotional and he burst out crying at something I said.

 

I love him very much but never felt "In Love" with him at the beginning, though there have been a few fleeting moments when I have felt more connected to him - but in 6 years not many.

 

I worry because, a couple of times I have met guys at work, where the attraction has been strong and I've really felt how I want to plonk my lips on theirs! My boyfriend is a good, caring, loyal and attractive man - we do have differences - he's not as educated as I am and I'd like him to talk more than he does (he's quite quiet) and we have very different family and social backgrounds.

 

I don't know what to make of this problem and if it could cause problems in the future.

 

Would be really appreciative of any replies!!xx

[real amour]

Hello Kate. I disagree with that first reply. I had those same feelings of 'not in love' since I too dated a man, who I thought was totally wonderful, but no butterflies, no feeling of falling, no chills down my spine, nothing. I continued since he was wonderful in every way. I thought this was ok since that was the deeper love, the one that lasted. Over those 4 years of dating, I met two guys who I was very attracted to and yes, wanted to plant a grand kiss. I suppress all this since my man loved me more (the others had shown interest but I denied it and to myself). Now wed, for 5 years and 2 kids later. I am now realizing that I do love him deeply, but that I am not in love with him.

 

Think. Are there other reasons that you want to kiss these men? Maybe they stimulate you more in other ways, like conversation. You say your man is less educated than you. My man is also less educated than me, and I always wanted a very talkitive man and I did not get one, hence I have veered away from kissing now and I think things are in trouble. I am facing this NOW. I have always thought this attraction thing would just come and it has not and I missed two great guys along the way.

 

Please take a break NOW. Just to see what else is out there. I don,t care what a great roommate he is or how much time you have been together. Take a break to see why you are feeling these things. You have no kids so you can always walk away, while I cannot so easily. In time, maybe like me, you will realize this kissings thing is the catalyst you need. You are certainly having doubts or you would not have joined this board (much like me, and it is recent!)

 

Do not follow my example. What has always bothered you is now flying in your face. Face these unresolved conflicts now before you are tied by the knot or by a child! Please, for my sake and tell you what you find. P.S. How is your sex life? Are you satisfied there? Maybe you need those pheromones from the kissing?

[kate]

Reply to Real Amour /Quebec

 

Hi it's so great to hear from someone in my same situation - I know what you mean when you say about accepting it as a deeper love - my partner was never "my type" - we are different nationalities too -he's Italian, I'm English, and I never felt bonded to him from the beginning, though it's been a wonderful opportunity to be with someone so different to myself and I have learnt a lot about things from a different person's perspective - although we often have very different viewpoints. I think this has made me a better all-rounded person in the end.

 

However about those irresistible guys I met - I think it was because they seemed more fascinating to me and I admired them - older, more intellectual, creative minds, more cultured - on the other hand, I wouldn't have trusted either of them if I had been married to them.

 

My sex life with bf is really good,no problems there and plenty pheremones, but it's not that really intimate powerful tender experience I wonder about. I love him to bits though

 

I'd love to talk again, but have got to go out to an evening class now - back later!!

katexx

[Chris4430]

Ummm... So kissin' aint your cup of tea, but it sounds like the sex is. So that's OK. No problem with that. I know I like to kiss my girlfriend more when she is wearing a good lip smacker... Like a lip gloss. I say wear it hot baby. But you you know good kissin' takes some practice. Eh ah you know kissin' is different with everyone. I used to know a girl that could not put her tongue out so well. Try tic tacs and lip smackers it will improve the action.