Is my Love Slipping away?

[OmLove]

I really need advice.

I've been in a comitted relationship with M for just over one year. M and I love eacother. Although, our ideas of love are different: M believes that love conquers all whereas I believe in a more practical, less romantic and less ideal kind of love that involves much self-sacrafice and compromise.

 

Regardless, things have been OK up until M made the impulsive move to the Bahamas to live and work for 2 months. He said he'd email me everyday. He hasn't. He also says he wants to live with me when he comes back. He's been gone for a month now and we've only spoken on the phone twice, both times he's promised to email everyone back. Words, words...are his actions speaking louder?

 

His Grandmother is especially annoyed with his lack of responsibility. I went over to her house for dinner last week and what she had to say was revealing. She explained that M is spoiled. He'll always be bailed out by either herself or his Mum. So, he doesn't aspire much or have focus because he's supported by these women in his life. He's 26 years old and gets them to write cheuqe out when he's in need every few months or so. M is a musician and sound tech. so, he doesn't make much $.

 

So, here I am loving this guy and not wanting to be another woman simply catering to his needs. I am angry at him for not staying true to his word. It feels like he's taking me for granted. I dont want to change him but I feel all he offers me is kisses and sex and dreams. I even pay for most of everything we do together!!!

 

It's only been a year or so. It's my longest relationship ever. I usually "cut and run" is things dont feel balancedbut I really want to make it work. Still, another part of me just wants to never talk to him again. Does this sound extreme??? What the heck am I to do???

 

Thanks for reading this.

 

E (OmLove)

[romantic sweetheart]

You don't sound extreme at all. You sound like a woman who wants to be sure of the man in her life. That's completely normal and sane. Your heart is on the line because you love M and you want to make it work. However, his sudden distance is confusing for you, and you need clarification.

 

Because he may be spoiled, he also may not be used to working at attaining what he needs. This could spill over in his romantic connections. He might assume that he need only invest kisses and his company, but not really "get down to brass tacks" and involve his entire person in the connection. This includes being responsible for not only himself (by way of making a living and taking care of the basic necesseties of life), but also taking care of you, by way of making you feel secure, understood, and respected. This includes more open communication on his part, not just two or three phone calls a month.

 

I feel it is reasonable and healthy for you to approach M and tell him what is in your mind and heart. After a year together, there is room for the "So where is this going?" conversation--in a mature and loving way, naturally.

 

The important thing is that you are not feeling balanced, and it is necessary to honor your feelings and express them. M's reaction will shed more light on what his intentions are. And knowing his intentions appears to be what you are seeking. That's healthy for both you and M.

 

Love does conquer all, but love is more than a word: it's an action. What we put into a connection is what we will get out of it. Romance is real, but it does not drop from the sky into our laps. We take action; we are the creators. As a musician, M will understand this. Words are one thing; they are lovely to receive. But actions must follow suit.

 

You deserve both romance and committment; effort and enchantment.

[OmLove]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I guess only time can tell how this will all unfold...yes, love does conquer all!!!