Difficult time understanding "infatuation"

[ExarionUniverse19]

OK, here's another topic... I wasn't sure if I should post it or not, but I know that you guys will be able to help me out.

 

I think I may have realized what brought the end to my 1 month relationship. It wasn't one factor, but maybe this one was the one that brought it down. Infatuation. She liked me, and then the infatuation ended... that's how I'm looking at it now. I really don't know for sure, but we're both young, and our behaviors during the relationship seem to reflect feelings of infatuation.

 

So let's look at it this way: a 1 month relationship with a young girl that she ended because she lost that feeling of infatuation. Does that make sense? Let's work with that.

 

I've done some research on the subject, but most of the sites I've visited haven't addressed my concerns. First of all, what is the end of infatuation all about? Is it just gone, just like that? I mean, after only a month, it seems a little surprising that she's lost feelings, so I'm not sure. How exactly is infatuation described AFTER a break up?

 

I guess I'll just cut to the chase... and that is: What will this mean for next year? I know I'm still thinking about reconciliation next year, and maybe I shouldn't be... but it's hard not to when we'll be so close next year, regardless of our personal status. I mean, if we're compatible, and if we'll be spending lots of time together, what will happen? This is probably a tough question, and the best answer I've come up with is this: we'll both feel different then, and the relationship we had this year won't really matter. Just like this year, if it's meant to happen, it will...

 

But the one thing that's been bugging me... and though I am feeling better and moving on, it still bugs me... is that next year, there seems to be hope! I was given simple, great advice by one of my friends... and that was that there's a chance of us "growing up together", but that I should still move on. I've gone by that advice, and I'm feeling better, but it's like I still don't know enough.

 

Maybe the fact that there's hope for next year is holding back the second wave of sad feelings... I've accepted that it's over, but I still have hope. Not hope that I cling to, but still hope that is realistic. I know I should be moving on (and I am, slowly), and not thinking too much, but if there's anything you guys can tell me about infatuation and reconciliation regarding my situation, I think it would help.

[Lovestragedies]

I don't know all the details of your situation, but I do know a bit about infatuation. Infatuation is what brings about those butterflies in the pit of your stomach and causes girls to flitter around drawing hearts all over their notebook. Infatuation is a feeling; love is not. Frankly I would say that almost all relationships start out with infatuation, because each person we involve ourselves with is different. Thus, they trigger our emotions differently than the lovers of our past. What we hope for is the passage from infatuation into love, but that doesn't always happen. When it doesn't, it does tend to more or less fade away. Do not all feelings eventually fade? Now it sounds to me like you've got a healthy kind of hope, and I must say that was what kept me going as well. I told myself that I'll always have hope he may once again be mine until I finally meet someone to diminish that. Selfish perhaps, but that's beside the point. The point is, moving on doesn't mean you have to completely remove yourself from her presense. You're allowed to still feel for her, but also admit to the possibility that it may never be again. Best of luck to you.

[ExarionUniverse19]

Thank you for your advice... I've been questioning the healthiness of my feelings about next year, but if I'm feeling fine, I guess it's OK to feel this way? And yes, I do know that it isn't just possible, but PROBABLE that it won't happen again.

[Lovestragedies]

You're very welcome. And it's definitely okay to feel the way you do. Hope can be healthy as long as you don't allow it to consume you. Sometimes it can be just as harmful as that which we hope for, causing us to believe things that are truly idealistic. But it doesn't seem to me that you have that problem. Frankly, I'm at the stage of improbability as well, so I know how you feel. That can tend to be painful at times, but heh. Welcome to relationships, eh?

[ExarionUniverse19]

Yeah, I wouldn't say it "consumes" me, so I should be alright. I still worry that it is idealistic though, partly due to how short the relationship was. I mean, sometimes I think of us getting back together next year as just getting together with her for the first time. And then I think about how rare it is for 2 people to share the same feelings for each other.

 

I guess it boils down what is out of my control though... what happens next year and her feelings... yeah, relationships are quite something.

[Lovestragedies]

Mm-hmm, I understand. But how long have you honestly known her? I mean, would you consider your feelings infatuation? I have a tendency to doom all relationships to hell, so you tell me. I was with my boyfriend for seven months, but we had a long-distance relationship. What's truly rare is for two people to say they're honestly, on all counts, in love.

[ExarionUniverse19]

Well, I've known her since December, so not long at all. There were feelings there... do you mean that maybe they weren't even as strong as an infatuation? I think they were, because of the way we acted during the relationship and after. It's just seemed... intense, to the point where it was actually something, not just an experiment. Both of us thought we had a future, and took it seriously. I just don't know how our feelings this year will affect next year...

[Lovestragedies]

I'm not saying it wasn't infatuation. I'm simply asking you how far you think it went. Infatuation always is intense and very much so. Honestly, I don't think love is really all about passion, nor do I think it has the same "intensity" as infatuation does. The reason I believed I was in love was because of the intense passion we had for one another. But it grew to the point where it was unhealthy for both of us, and I'm truly not even sure I can call it love. I mean if you were to tell me you felt with the same sort of passion as Romeo and Juliet for example, then I'd say you weren't in love. There's always the option of starting over if she's willing. It's just a matter of evaluating what ended it in the first place and wondering if you'll endure the same outcome.

[ExarionUniverse19]

Yep, I do have a plan if we do reconcile (I've been doing way too much thinking), so if we do get together it will be more stable, and I'll also be able to understand a possible break up more.

 

What ended it in the first place... if that was a loss of interest, or loss of infatuation... that's what concerns me, I guess. Unrequited love, perhaps...

 

Heh, this is all silly. There's no way I'll have the same feelings next year as I do now. But I guess it's OK to talk about it now that I'm doing NC and I'm able to evaluate the situation rationally. And most importantly, I'm feeling better. But it's still possible that I'll enjoy reconcilation next year. I just won't worry about it so much.

[Lovestragedies]

I'm glad you have a plan. But as I'm sure you know, relationships hardly ever work out the way we want them to, and nearly never the way we expect them to. Unrequited love did cross my mind, and of course if that's the case then she may not be willing to put anything into a new relationship with you. My suggestion is just to take it a day at a time. Go ahead and think too much; I assure you, I do it all the time. But don't allow it to come to the point where you end up hurting yourself. And as you said, you probably won't feel the same way, but if the chance arises you may still consider the possibility of being with her. Don't try to understand what happened on your own, because chances are the conclusions you come to will be nowhere near the true reason. See what happens when next year rolls around.

[ExarionUniverse19]

OK, thanks -- that's good advice.

 

Next year will be exciting for a number of reasons though... the extracurricular that I'm doing is one I've done for the past two years, and it's the most fun I've ever had... and it's taught me a lot. Next year I'm going to play a more prominent role in this extracurricular, and that should lead to an exciting experience. As if I haven't had enough excitement these first two years -- last year I had a crush on a girl, and this year there was another girl which brought my first relationship. So whether we get back together or not... something exciting is bound to happen.

[Lovestragedies]

Then you've certainly got plenty to look forward to. Just don't wait on everything to happen for you. If you want it bad enough, go for it. The least you can do is try. Either way, I hope things do go very well for you.