Can Love go beyond Religion?

[OrthodoxSDA]

I have known my boyfriend for almost 3 years, and we have been together on and off during this period of time. My religion's Romanian Orthodox and his is Seventh Day Adventist.Even thought we are both Christians, our beliefs differ as well as the day of worship. We both knew that religion would be a problem in our relationship, but always tried to avoid the subject. I know that it is and will always be a problem for us, and i do not see a solution to it right now. I love him unconditionally, and am willing to do anything in order for this to work, anything besides converting that is. I wish i could say that a serious relationship can work between two people of different religions, but considering the fact that he worships on Saturdays and i do on Sundays, things are very complicated. Also the question of how to raise the children (if we get that far) arrises and saying that they should choose would not help...because before those children are able and mature enough to be able to decide, they would need a religion, and something to believe. We are both still in college, and have about one to one and a half years until we would be able to be together, but not knowing what the future holds for us really really bothers me and sometimes makes me even question this relationship. To make matters worse, we are also very far apart and even though we seem to survive, distance is totally unhealthy for our relationship. I am writing this because i feel like talking to someone about it, so please reply to my message if you think you have any sugestions. Right now, our relationship seems pretty much "stuck" but i love him more that i will ever love anyone, and am still hopeful that someday we'll be together with no barriers to keep us apart.

[jezebelina]

You can make it work! If it's meant to be, it will happen. Have you thought about building a life together that incorporates both of your faiths? So you go to worship on different days...that just means that on whichever day he worships, you get to go shopping, and on the day you worship, he gets to watch football! I don't mean to be flippant about something that's obviously important to you. All I'm saying is that two people in love can overcome any obstacle. As for the kids? You can make it very clear to them that mommy believes this, while daddy believes that, and it's okay to believe different things, because you still love and respect eachother. How can kids not thrive in that kind of environment?

[Natalia Dolce]

Hi Sweetie,

 

You and your boyfriend sound like you are truly in love. My best friend is dating a Seventh Day Adventist, and she was not accustomed to all of the differing beliefs and practices. She will likely convert after they marry, and I know you said this is not an option.

 

I know the rituals, the day of worship, the beliefs even...are different.

But there is ONE love.... God presides over every religion. If you both believe in God, and feel this similarity between the two of you, don't let your practicing differences eat away at your great relationship.

 

I've known of couples who retained their own religions, and raised the children primarily under one religion, while trying to incorporate the values that both religions share.

 

I hope someone who has experienced this first-hand will step up and give you more details... Take care.

 

Natalia

[faeriechyld]

Hello there,

I understand you are having issues in your relationship regarding religion.

Might I suggest you take a different look at it. I have seen relationships where the religions were way different from each other work out perfectly. One of my ex's was a catholic and I am a wiccan. Although we are no longer together, our break up had nothing to do with our religion. The key is to remain open-minded and communicate to each other. Avoiding the topic is only going to make things more stressful on your relationship, especially seeing as you are worrying over it now.

Also, I'd like to point out something. In your post you mentioned you would not convert, forgive me for being somewhat ignorant of the beliefs of both of your religions, but is it possibly he could be willing and able to convert to your beliefs?

Even if this is not possible, things could still work out for you. Yes it would suck to not be able to experience church together, however, it is something that can give each of you space, which is healthy in any relationship. As far as children go, you could do a trade off until they were old enough to make their own choices. One week they could go to church with you, the next with him. It just takes a lot of compromise and keeping an open mind and level head about things. If you both are willing to compromise and sacrifice a little, you will go a long way.

Best wishes.