It hasn't gotten (much) easier

[Unexplainable]

I have never had a real connection with another girl before I met this girl (Beth) who I've been talking to for the past year or so. I am intensely shy around girls, and she is the only person who I have ever felt true feelings for. My problem is, after all this time I cannot break my nervous, pessimistic habits.

 

I tell her I'll call her, and when it comes to that day I just choke up. I feel there is no possible way she could ever really want to talk to me- so I take the jerks way out and don't call her. Luckily (except for one huge gap) she has seemed to save the day and bale me out by calling me back. When this happens I get a burst of confidence and easily ask her out on a date (we have been going on dates [as friends?] 3 times a week for quite some time). As soon as I see her in person, I can be myself and treat her as she deserves.

 

I don't know how to fix this- people tell me "Just grow up, and call her.", and hasn't been successful yet. I'm just afraid she will get fed up with me, and if I do this any longer she will find someone better for her. Should I let her know this? Should I ask her "officially" to be my girlfriend (is it easier at that point)?

 

Excuse me if I seem immature with these petty questions, but while I may not be young in age I am certainly inexperienced in this department.

[emit_remmus]

First, how old are you? Shyness is a hard phase to overcome.

[Unexplainable]

I'm in my early 20s.

[emit_remmus]

I stopped being shy because I was tired of not talking. Back when I was 17. If you have something to say say it.

[Fisch]

Try to get out of your own head, even if that means you have to stop thinking. The second you know you have to do what you have to do DO IT. Dont even think about what you are going to say or what you are doing. Pretend you are a mindless zombie with one goal: to call her. Make it a battle with whatever is stopping you, and forgive yourself if you dont win so that you can come back stronger and more determined next time you try. Dont make your goal to ask her out, make some other goal that makes you less nervous but still lets you call her. Think of a question you want to know the answer to and call her to help you out.

[Dating Coach]

Unexplainable,

 

First thing bro, do not confess your feelings to her. For all you know she has no interest in you romantically at all. In fact, this is the more likely scenario based upon how you described your relationship. Hanging out 3 times a week as friends, too shy to say anything, having a big time crush, etc. These are all prominant clues that we see in every "Nice Guy has crush on girl but get's rejected" thread on here. I rarely ever see these situations prominant in a "Guy gets Girl" case. It has happened, but very rarely.

 

I don't mean to be a ballbuster, I'm just letting you know how these situations usually play out. This is also why I don't want to see you confess your feelings.

 

Confessing your feelings it throwing all of your emotions and thoughts upon her at once. It's quite a burden to someone. "Hey, I know we've been spending so much time together as best pals, but I really really really like you, and I want to be more than just friends" This confession is a whole lot to drop on someone because it changes everything. It is too hard to go back to the way it was because it's not that way anymore. There was an acknowledgement of a crush. Nor should you go back to being the same pal after a rejection... at least not without time to truly move on past those feelings for her... which doesn't happen instantaneously. Usually if a guy tries going back to best pals after being rejected, all he does is keep those feelings and hurt himself more and more as he falls harder and harder. It is a self destructing act.

 

If you really want more with her, you need to use more tact without spilling too much information. When you are both laughing and having a good time together, tell her something like, "We get along too well! Hey, why don't I take you out on a real date? I want to see if there is anymore more than "just friends" here... How about I take you out to ________ and then afterwards we can watch movies or something. What do you think?" This way, you're getting to the point without throwing too much of a load on her. You're going to find out how she feels without telling her just how much of a crush you have on her, thereforeeee the effect it will have on the friendship is minimal as opposed to maximum.

 

If she rejects the idea, I would really work on cutting back on the hanging out, or at least start picking up on hanging out with other people-especially women. You will need to move on and being around a crush 24/7 is not the way to do it.

 

Good luck!

[Unexplainable]

Well, usually the two of us just hang out as friends and whatnot, but I have asked her on plenty of the more romantic type dates too. We usually go to a nice dinner and then come back to my apartment and watch a movie and just cuddle up on the couch. So we have had moments of "more than friendship" (it seems like for me anyways never really being close to another), but it hasn't made our relationship seem any more or less obvious in which direction it is going.

[Dating Coach]

Well, usually the two of us just hang out as friends and whatnot, but I have asked her on plenty of the more romantic type dates too. We usually go to a nice dinner and then come back to my apartment and watch a movie and just cuddle up on the couch. So we have had moments of "more than friendship" (it seems like for me anyways never really being close to another), but it hasn't made our relationship seem any more or less obvious in which direction it is going.

 

If you've been hanging out with her that long, and you go on "romantic dates" ending the night with you both "cuddling" then you've had plenty of opportunities to take this to the next level.

 

On these forums we see a lot of stories exactly like this, where a guy will take a girl he likes back to watch movies, and all he does is cuddle. This goes on for a long time. It usually doesn't end up well. The problem is that by this point you've established yourself as a guy who is "safe" and "convienient" and moved away from that exciting guy whom she is romantically interested in.

 

If I were you I'd get on the ball quick and move this towards a romantic relationship. Set up a real date, and go for it! Go for a kiss or something. This will telll you exactly where you stand with her. Don't hesitate.