What do i do here guys?? help me out

[kevind345]

My gf broke up with me 1 month ago, the excuse: "i need time/space i dont know anymore and i just want to be sure. The first week I begged for her back and bla bla, 2nd week i didn't contact her and let her contact me, after that week she was like you don't ever call me? and your just fine with that? So that kinda messed me up and the 3rd week i begged for her back some more and tried NC and told her i was going to shut her out of my life for awhile, she didn't seem happy at all and 2 days after i told her i wanted NC, she calls me and leaves a voicemail "call me back please this is just weird i want to talk to you please kevin" (in a sad voice). Next week around my bday Feb. 20th she insists she wants to see me and hang out with me on my bday. We made some dinner and it was nice had a good time she was touchy feely and wanted to sit on my lap, later in the night one thing led to another and we had sex, for the next day and 1/2 it was like we were together. Then we had a talk and she said maybe you should just forget about me because i still don't know, so of course i was like wow hmm...then she went onto to say she wished when we were making love that i confessed my love for her and told her how bad i wanted her and bla bla, and idno if she was saying all this because she was so lost in her head or what. So once again that messed me all up and the next few days i wrote her sweet poems and stuff to show her my love, she said wow these are some of the sweetest things youve ever done and said. One time on the fone a few days after my bday night, i said bye to her and she said "thats it just bye? if you want me so bad why dont you tell me things?" so i say okay "i love you with all my heart and i miss you terribly, and she says i love you too. The next night i go to see her and she dosent want to see me, so i go up to her dorm and knock on the door(she was with this guy and a few of her girlfriends) and she basically seemed like a different person and more or less said i dont think we should see/talk to each other again for awhile. So that brings us to the current week. Somehow we end up talking to each other, this past sunday i was on campus at the gym and i called her afterwards, it went right to voicemail, so i was like hmm she either broke her fone or its dead, but im here so i at least want to talk to her. So i knocked on her door she let me in and was very sweet and glad i came, she kept wanting to hug me and lay with me and sit on my lap and all that...i left after like 3 hours and then the past 2/3 days she has called me a few times(but she has no cell fone so she cant call much) and tells me she misses me and talking to me is like talking to noone else, and last night at 1am she asked me if i wanted to go get ice cream, I said yeah we had a pretty good time, but she didnt feel well, and that brings us to today..........So my big question what does this mean? shes just being friendly? like were friends now, or maybe she wants me back but still is not sure? So should I not see her or call her and maybe answer if she calls, or just let it ring and call back later, or continue to see her talk to her? because i can tell when we are together there is this aura around us and we just hug and cuddle and stuff, or should i do NC, and tell her "you dont deserve me if i run into someone amazing tomorrow im moving on" in other words let her know im not waiting and willing whenever shes ready to come back, and maybe she'll will get worried and realize she wants me back????? i dont know help me, someone shed some light please!!!

[disgruntledbaker]

shes taking advantage of you. completely. whether she realizes it or not.

 

she may or may not still have feelings for you (probably does) but if shes going to respect you at all you need to draw the line. lay it all out there, tell her shes with you or she isn't, and if she isn't there are no more phone calls, late night ice cream runs, hugging, kissing, flirting, or anything. you won't stand by in the wings while she hangs out with other guys after laying your heart out on the line.

 

if she isn't a complete witch, she'll see how much you really care about her and will want to be a part of that. she'll come back on no uncertain terms. if she still isn't grown up enough to do that, then you're better off on your own. it never ever feels that way right away, i know. its been over three months since i split with my ex after a 4 year relationship and i still don't completely believe im better off without her all the time, but 22 out of every 24 hours its painfully clear how much i was taken for granted and how i deserve just as much dedication as i showed her.

 

cut her out. no more talk. action. and now.

 

thats my two cents.

[kevind345]

Alright thanks a lot, im going to think long and hard about it, and most likely thats what i'll do, i have been wanting to sorta giver her a shocker, like really make her think "alright this is it hes going to be gone now, do i want this?" but things have been going well and i didn't want to spoil things i guess, and it seems like the contact is helping, but in the back of my mind im thinking "am i just lingering here in the background until she meets someone else or something? Anyways we went out for 2.5 years shes 19 and im 21. On the night of my birthday she confessed with out me even asking something like "I have spent time with someone and held their hand and sorta went on a date, but it was nothing like when im with you" and she was real convincing about it, and was very sorry. It seems she hasent hung out with that guy for awhile now....so idno i guess shes just still all confused. When ur gf broke up with you did she ever say things like i miss you or i still love you and everything is right between us, but something is holding me back, and act all affectionate towards you if you saw her? anything like that?

[Dubb]

Tell her you want her to have time to herself but need it yourself. Go NC after that.

[disgruntledbaker]

my ex and i broke up several times, and each had its own story... but each time there were definitely periods where she would come to me and say things like that.

 

hell there was even a few times where we became intimate, and after sex she would say things like "we fit so perfectly together, theres no way it could be any more perfect" and then half an hour later say she made a mistake and i should sleep on the couch.

 

even this last breakup, "the big one"... she called me a few weekends ago and said "i love you, i miss you, and i want you to be my husband." now you'd think that that was no uncertain terms, right? well i stayed on the line with her instead of hanging up like i should have, and we talked. the longer we talked, the more she changed her tone. she may have just been checking to see that her safety net was still here, she may truly be questioning whether shes better off without me, i dunno... but three hours later she changed to "i wish i could get over you so i could date other people."

 

haven't spoken to her once since then. i needed to hear it to snap me out of wonderland where the happy endings are right around the corner, but beyond needing it to come to my senses it was the worst thing i've ever heard in my life.

 

seriously. walk away. lay down your rules and then just leave.

 

im not saying there is no possibility of a happy ending for the two of you, but that happy ending isn't around the corner. if you two got back together tomorrow, there would have been absolutely no growth at all. for there to be success where there is failure now, you both have to learn something. and that happens with time.

[shadow34]

Hey Kev

 

Have I not answered you in another post or is that Dev...

 

hehehe Gets real confusing ....