he has moved on

[cubsfan]

i found out yesterday that he has went out on 1 date. i asked him if he's gonna see her again and he said "i don't know" i asked him if he if going to get into a relationship w/ her and he said "no" about the date , he said "I had a nice time" but yet turns around and says "I still think about you all the time", "I thought about you when I was out w/ her", and "i still care an awful lot about you" what do i think to all these things. Is he saying these things because he means it or just saying it because he thinks i want to hear it and it may keep me on the string for him if it doesn't work out w/ her. (he knows fully well i'm having a horrible time w/ this and tells me "I'll always be there for you, u can call me anytime, call me if u ever need anything, whether it be for a hug or anything else". why is he saying all those things. i'm so confused right now, i don't know my butt from a hole in the ground. When i went to sign over the bike to him, i told him i didn't want to see him and he got upset. also i gave back the phone we had together and he got upset. i took him off my myspace list and blocked him everywhere else and he asked why i did that. i told him it is best this way for me. he said "I guess u really truly don't have hope for us in the future if u gave my phone back" (we have taljked about trying again in the future). finally, the last message i got from him said "OK, i will give u time and space but if u ever want to talk or anything, just call and i hope you find happiness" i just need to erase all signs of him from my life for now until i start feeling more emotionally stable. does this make any sense to anyone. i figured if i delete him from my friends lists, i won't be so tempted to get on his page so much. plus ,i'm don't have his picture staring at me when i get on my page. we've been done for 3 weeks. i moved out in dec of 06 because of many reasons...no respect, emotional torment. the last 4 weeks i was there each week, we fought bacause i went a bought a house, he told me to"get the f--- out of my house" and went i went to, he said "if u leave, don't ever come back", and other things. when we got together he went from a 17 year relationship (including 9 years of marrige and 1 child) to me w/ no break. i asked him after the 2nd month together if he needed down time to process everything i he said "No, I just wanted to be w/ you". well, i won't do that again. sorry this is so long. the words just kept pouring out. any suggestions/questions/comments would be so greatly appreciated!! and thank you so much for listening!!!

[need2bme]

This is the only thread I have read by you so even though I am sure it soes not contain the whole story, I will post what I think.

 

1. I believe he says those things because he DOES care for you and possibly really loves you. You are familiar and you cannot share a piece of yourself and not still care.

 

2. I do believe that you are correct in that he should have taken a break in between. I know I would still need one and my ex has been gone for 9 months.

 

3. Ask yourself what do you want. Do you want to be with him in the future? Can you take him back in your life IF you feel like you ended up being second? I am struggling with this now. I am sure my ex would like to be around me, but I won't be second. Even if we got back together, I would wonder if it was because she figured out we should be together or it just didn't work out with him and I was again, second.

 

4. Why are you so concerned with MySpace? I think it is a way to connect with people, but just stay off of his page. Every once in a while I want to check my ex's email, but that is both childish and unneccesary.

 

If you want to be with him but need to heal then take this time for you. I KNOW IT IS HARD!! I miss my friend (my ex) EVERY DAY!!!

 

Take this time for yourself and learn how to be a better person.

 

Edited to add: Please break your replies into paragraphs. It makes it easier to read. Good luck. ;-)

[cubsfan]

need2bme, thanks so much for your reply. no, i absolutely will NOT be second best. yes, i want to be w/ him in the future but it would be all or nothing w/ me. in my heart, though, i don't see him coming back. he's got a taste of freedom that he should have had before we got together and now it seems like he's running w/ it. there's lots more to the story but it would take up many pages and lots of time to read. you being a guy, how can a man still care or love their ex but still want to date? i'm completely baffled there.. do guys really break up w/ someone, then date another for a while, realize what they had and come back?

 

I'm so confused and hurt right now. i know this is for the best but i can't understand how he could have moved on so quickly. he started me on the myspace thing and that's where he met the girl he went out on a date with. also, before we split, i caught him giving his phone # to a girl he met over myspace that eventually ended up asking him for $. to me, that shows total disrespect and no caring or love for that person's mate. am i losing my mind? or just in the throes of sadness over a painful breakup. any responses very much welcomed!! thanks again for listening!!

[need2bme]

You are not losing your mind. At least I don't think you are. ;-) ...and yes, you are in the throws of sadness. Think about it. This is the ultimate betrayal. The only thing that could hurt worse, is if God forbid, something happened to a family member or when someone grieves the death of someone.

 

Anyway, being a guy, I can tell you that I don't think dating someone right after is a GUY thing. My ex is dating someone and I can tell you that she wants to hang out with me. Why? I am sure she misses me and is used to our friendship and she "misses the silliness", but she CHOSE her way. I told her that she could fix it all and she replied, "I know".

 

My point is, how can she supposedly love him, be with him and then see me, hold my hand and tell me that things are good, now that she got to see me. She probably felt that way, but if they want to be with us, then they should be with us.

 

Why should you have to try so hard to get HIM? I did date a little after my breakup and actually thought I was beginning to like someone and then she backed off. I pined so much for her and I guarantee that it was a transference of the feelings I had from missing the ex.

 

I miss my friend and I want so much to hang out with her again, but it is just messing me up and I deserve so much more than this.

 

Don't you deserve to be with someone who cannot wait to be with you, rather than someone who could date someone else and tell you he thinks about you?