i need her back....

[shadow34]

Hi Shiva,

 

Thats very true, if she does indeed love him she will call and time certainly is the healer of wounds. Dont we know this

 

 

I wouldnt send her flowers though. He has said all that he needs to of said and I dont feel he needs to say anymore. She is playing games with him and he has had to put a stop to that for his own sanity.

 

She knows the score, she will be able to make her mind in her own time Im sure of it. And Dev has let her know he cant just take her calls whenever she feels like it, its too painful.

 

Dev, youll be fine hun, your doing fantabulous

[Shiva 2007]

Thank you shadow 34, and coming from a psychologist I take your response as a huge compliment. Writing and responding to these threads has helped me a great deal to heal my own wounds.

Thanks again

LOL...your funny hun

 

Glad to see your on a more positive note today, its nice to see.

 

I know how your feeling and I really do understand. This will give you time to heal hun, to re-evaluate your relationship and your feelings. It will also give her the time to do the same.

 

You didnt say anything out of place, good on you.

 

As for being a therapist , I am a psychologist but I dont advocate that on here at all. This is all based on my years of experience and the heart ache Ive endured.

 

Hugs hun, keep posting and we will keep supporting and listening to you .

 

 

[shadow34]

It was certainly meant as a compliment hun,

 

and thankyou, everyone here is a god send.

 

This really is a place all of us can call home

 

hugs

[devast]

what a funny ME... for a while you've been so down and out... and then in another while you feel so great!!!so proud!!!and still filled with hope!!!

 

Its funny how our emotions changes in just seconds...I didn't think about anything... I don't even remember what was I thinking before I came to my state of mind now... I felt so happy about myself... and as I walked thru a sliding door and saw myself in a vague reflection... I was walking so straight up... I was looking so proud and felt Handsome as if I was walking on a modelling romp...

 

Whew!!!! I am not sure... Maybe this will change again in just a second... I hope this isn't a sign of a man on the edge of loosing his sanity..

 

But I don't think so... I am keeping my intelligent sanity bold and intact guys...

[shadow34]

BIG HIGS DEV...YOUR FANTASTIC REMEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hey Shiva

 

I know exactly what you mean with your puppy, I still call mine a puppy even though she is very big... hehehe!!! and there is nothing better than snuggling up to her. When Im upset she snuggles in close and they just know.....she so much better than a man ( NO offense DEV!!! )..shes also a pig who eats every thing given the chance....

 

Each day gets a little better and you have your relapse day and then you come good again....

 

Its very difficult for me...Just because Im a psych my friends forget I have real feelings and emotions just like they do and that when it comes to myself, you cant apply your own therapy to it. So it is a little hard sometimes for me, my friends just say well you should know what to do...which really sucks, Id like one of them to actually just treat me like a normal person and give me a hug...

 

Ok ok enough of MY whining hehe

 

Dont worry DEV, YOUR THE MAN REMEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[devast]

Hey guys.. I also like dogs.. I have one but he can't help me laugh this time for I am working overseas... His name is Chowie...

 

But anyway... Had there been any event or gatherings sponsored by ENA for their members around the world?I would really love to meet you people and others who I am very comfortable of talking to..sensible people...Plus the chance to get away...have fun and travel..

 

I would sign up for that.. I hope it doesn't cost too much and I hope its somewhere I wont be needing a tourist visa anymore... HAHAHA... coz i'm Asian..

 

Hey anyone.. Have you seen Shaq? I would like to play basketball tonight I need a very challenging opponent coz my heart had been pinching me since morning and I feel like if this continue I might have a heart attack.. Though I don't have a high blood pressure...HEHEHE...

[shadow34]

Hey Dev

 

Chowie, what kind of dog...??..

 

You would be needing a visa to come to Australia hun, so start saving lol.

 

DO YOU REALISE you didnt mention your ex ONCE in your last post....Dev MY MAN, YOUR THE BOMB!!!!...remember that

 

Shiva, my dogs name is Shadow hehe and yes that is my baby girl...poor thing has cancer so dont know how much longer she has, vets cant do anything more. Shes not crying in pain so as long as she isnt I wont have her put down yet.

 

As for circumstances, I never bring my work home, and I never bring it into the relationship. Its funny my partner ALWAYS does lol. They throw it in my face which sucks. As for life, life is what you make it all of that aside Im just as normal as everyone else, infact probably a little worse off ( NO NO thats psychiatrists)..hehe

 

 

[devast]

Yeah... i noticed it when I was writing it earlier...

 

I have to avoid talking about her... I noticed whichever forum I go in I just talk about how painful it was... and talk about her...

 

And guess what... It helped me pour it out off my chest.. And now i'm getting tired about it... And I think thoughts about her... is just... nevermind i don't want to hate her...

 

I just want to start talking about positive things.... Maybe help some here who are needing help... Just like all of you who are helping me...

 

Yeah.. anyway my dog is a local Asian dog of some sort..But he looks like a Golden Retriever or the likes... His big for an asian dog..

 

Yeah... Australia would be fun... But it maybe hard to get a visa there.. anyway....I am still fine talking to you guys out here...

 

Thanks... I will still be here posting my developments though..

[devast]

Its a funny feeling you know... I sprained my ankle playing basketball and as I am feeling the pain in my ankle right now I am regaining the pain inside my heart... Ouch!!!for the ankle.... Ouch!!! Ouch!!! for my broken heart... AAAArggghh....

 

Anyway... I feel its funny that when you feel pain physically... You sometimes gets hurt emotionally...

 

Pity for my ankle and me coz I can't walk normally...later on..I thought I would feel alright if she's just here with me... Now... I am missing her again...

 

Feeling the pain caused by the break-up... and thinking again... Why did she...? How could she...? what if?.... imagining her coming back....OUCH!!! or maybe not...

 

I just watched a DVD entitled "man of town" starred by Ben Afleck... well... its about his career associated with his wife who cheated on him...break-up... Some thoughts to hear on the background telling what he is thinking and all... in the end... they lived happily ever after... oh and they used a bit of NC though...hehehe...

 

But I guess the real deal there was that Ben still loved his wife despite the betrayal... So I guess... Even if you do nothing... lay down and maybe sleep like forever... If your ex really loves you they will be back for you...or will they?

 

No...I think you have to do something about it too...but maybe in a given time...or maybe...whatever...

 

tsk...tsk...tsk...tsk.. i am so confused again...

[devast]

My dog's name is Chowie... Seems like a name for a tiny mammal...hahaha... But he's big though...

[papalazarou]

 

But I guess the real deal there was that Ben still loved his wife despite the betrayal... So I guess... Even if you do nothing... lay down and maybe sleep like forever... If your ex really loves you they will be back for you...or will they?

 

No...I think you have to do something about it too...but maybe in a given time...or maybe...whatever...

 

tsk...tsk...tsk...tsk.. i am so confused again...

 

Ha ha!!!

 

Well NC is to heal. Then when you have healed maybe you can make the first move. However the way I would guage whether I have healed is if I make contact and they ignore me...and it dont bother me

or

they say they dont want to see you again...and it dont bother me

or (worse of all)

they are seeing someone else...and it doesnt bother me.

 

Basically whatever is said/done you have a couldnt care less attitude about it....thats when you know you have healed and maybe then thats when you could make the first move.

 

However your healing may take weeks, months, years. Someone said one month for every year together...

[shadow34]

Hey Dev

 

How are you feeling today???

 

Your sense of humour is coming out in the thread, nice to see hun. Hope you are feeling a little lighter in the heartache department.

 

Now, I dont have to *bonk* you today do I ...

 

Hey Shiva

 

Thanks so much for your kind words. I am devasted about my woofy but such is life. Im just making the most of it while she is still here..she gets to sleep on the bed with me anyways

 

Well guys Im doing well myself, Have my down days but overall I am not really thinking of the ex

[Shiva 2007]

Hey Dev,

 

Hope you are doing allright? how's the weather in Asia today? did you do anything good or fun for yourself today? It's raining here and I took Shiva out for a walk well actually its drizzling and Shiva was in a carry-on so I was doing the walking and talking to her about all that she looked curios or interested in. She's the best. Good luck today and remember one day at a time it will all get better.

 

Hey Shadow34,

Glad to here your positive outlook, I'm trying to keep my nose up high, and as mentioned to Devast I am trying to keep myself occupied with things to do for myself or for Shiva, I always buy a little something for her to chew on or she'll chew my fingers (ouch) he,he, she's cute and I know she's teething, so I give her frozed teething keys that she seems to love and enjoy.

Hey that's a thought maybe when I feel frustrated I could start chewing on some frozen teething keys myself

Anyway, I have an appointment with my psychopharmacologist so I will have to leave you guys in 30minutes.

But so good to chat with you, it keeps me in this positive mode.

I keep taking photos of my baby and me because she changes every day so much do you any other photos? or is that one of the most recent one?

[shadow34]

Hi Shiva

 

That is the most recent photo of my baby, but I have some more so Ill take a look and put some new ones up

 

I work on the philosophy to do one thing per day everyday and eventually the day will be full. that way your only introducing one new thing each day and before you know it you dont even realise you have a whole day full

 

Im glad you feel a little more positive coming here..

 

Animals are so adorable, selfless in the affection and loving...its make my skin cruel when I see them being abused......Grrrrrrrr

 

Good luck today at your P+long word hehe Hope it goes ok, chin up remember your a super fabtabulous person

 

Georgi

[devast]

Thanks shadow...Thanks shiva...Thanks paplazarou...

 

Today is not a so normal day for me...(shiva its so sunny here but I am so cloudy however this clouds are high...It won't rain hahaha I hope so).. My busted ankle I can't walk really fine... OUCH!!!

 

My boss noticed it.. She asked what happen..And after telling her, she said... I wouldn't have sprained my ankle if I just stayed here and work overtime... Grrr... If she only know what i am going thru right now.. I am always in hurry to hang in here...ENA...Woooohoooo!!!!

 

Anyway... I've thought about this long before I worked overseas and before i met my ex... Being positive makes almost everything positive around you... Why? If you are happy you keep smiling your projecting a happy face.. you become approachable to people... your boss is going to like you... Your mind is free flowing thus giving you clear thoughts and clear decisions... Just about everything is going positive..

 

"I lost it"... as I have been down lately still trying to be... a "wannabe"... happy without her... But the fact is I am still not... I come to think... Maybe this is why I sprained my ankle... Its because i have burdens inside me and my physical motions and coordination wasn't working well last night when I was playing basketball...so I busted my ankle..

 

I just wish my day would come fast and I become so positive again.. Just about everything..

 

Thanks guys... what if i get a rebound and ask her if she wants to be my dog and just adore me and only ask for some bones? hahaha... No...I am just making myself smile..

[shadow34]

Devast you sligh frog you

 

Get a rebound and ask her to be your dog...Ill clip you in the ears.

 

You make a very good point about being positive and I am very happy to see this. I can your coming along, your getting there day by day.

 

Im so sorry to hear about your ankle it must make getting around quite difficult.

 

Its good that your telling yourself jokes to make yourself laugh...hehe even if they are lame...

 

Keep smiling hun, you make the world a nicer place

 

And Shiva ..Yes thats my real name although my dad calls me cookie ( I dont look like one I swear )

[Shiva 2007]

Hello everyone, well I had an ok day, then it sort went downhill a bit, Dev. I understand work can be a bummer sometimes, I'm facing a big decision about my own job at the moment, although I have decided to stick through it, because I want to do the thing that will strengthen my character, and not give in. Truth is at least for me is that if one choses to change their job, one faces some of the same issues in another job, I guess it's because of two reasons: (please add to this Georgi)

1. the common denominator is ourselves

2. human have human emotions and some days they can control them other days not and of course that includes us, thereforeeee, some days we could take their insensitivities and other days a little less or not alltoghether.

I just had a phone argument with my very ill mom and I feel awful about that, you see over the years we have had a very complicated relationship, I was raised by two alcoholics, and I always took the role as early as 6 of the caretaker, putting her to bed when she was too drunk to get there, telling her stories to shake away her nightmares, etc.... she still sees me has her baby girl, and being 39 sometimes it could be a bit much.... if it makes sense. I am trying so hard to prove to myself that I am capable to make my own decisions and she repeatedly is trying to prove that I cant. Grrr... Lately she has proposed for me to move back in with her, in her very disfunctional household, she has an abusive husband two dogs that are out of control, (not their fault, it's the chaotic environment they were brough up in) my older divorced sister, and her teenage daughter....it sounds crazy right? well it's because it is. Well tonight I asked her to please respect my space and now I feel awful because a) she is ill b) I'm her baby girl ](*,)

Well thank God for good old therapists and p+long otherwise I would be crazy by now. It's funny my therapist mentioned that the biggest abuser I had to worry about was not my ex, but my mother, I could now understand why.

Sorry for the lengthy message, I didn't mean to get off the subject, I thought it would help to share.

Georgi I think that's a cute nickname your dad gave you.

P.S. lets all keep smiling tomorrow is right around the corner.

[shadow34]

Hi Shiva

 

Please dont apologise for the post, heck we are all here to help each other

 

You sound like you had a very demanding childhood hun. And look you have come out absolutely fantastic, you should be proud of yourself.

I know how you feel about the baby thing. Im 34 and still get questioned about everything lol...but my parents are very good to me so it goes over my head.

 

I know your mum is ill ( funny how we spell it diff ) but dont feel bad for that. Its not like your wiping her off the face of the planet. You dont need to live with her hun, thats not a good environment for you to be in at all. Dont feel manipulated in going back, stand strong your a grown woman

Your mum shouldnt even put you in that position to start with. I dont mean to sound harsh or judgemental but when I hear this I cant help but give my opinion. 6 Years old and you were the head of the household almost, thats just disgusting. This must of affected you tremendously. What a wonderful daughter you have indeed turned out to be. Your mother should be damn proud of you. And to be still living disfunctionally, has she not learned anything over the years????

As far as Im concerned you are absolutely amazing. The strength of character that shines through your messages on here utterly baffles me. As a psych I have seen a lot and when I see someone such as yourself have such a tremendous weight put upon their shoulders and are still here to tell us the story it enlightens my heart. You my friend are an inspiration to many many people Im sure of it.

Sometimes we have to hurt people for our own benefit....no matter how old you are this same message still applies :

 

Children would rather come from a broken home than live in one...

 

My dear Shiva, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Your 39, this is your time now. You dont have to look after your mum anymore, sounds like shes got a zoo there to help her out lol...

 

Big hugs to you, wow you rock

[shadow34]

Hey Shiva

 

You are too kind and I drink tea thankyou...green tea..no sugar...no milk hehe!!!

 

ps: Dont need the buddy system your already my buddy ...!!!

 

I could tell straight away you have grown a lot through your tribulations. I can completely understand where you come from explaining about your mother. Of course this affected her tremendously, but you cant change what you dont acknowledge and she has chosen this path. It is very sad, not just for you but for herself.

 

Im going to keep this short as it is getting late here and Im going to go and finish reading your other posts before I go to bed .. of course Im interested, Ive been reading before you said anything ..

 

We all make mistakes my friend, that is what moulds us intn better people in the end. As my mother always taught me these two valuable things I have always kept dear to me:

1. Mistakes are worth making if you learn from them.

 

2. It is better to have 1 good friend you can count on, than a bunch of good for nothings ( its actually a proverb from the bible but none the less )

 

Your time will come and you will continue to blossom and one day, we will be singing new york new york together

 

Hugs hun and sweet dreams...

[Shiva 2007]

Hello Georgi my buddy,

 

how are you? and how is Shadow doing today? hugs to both. I am feeling much better today, I took Shiva out for a little walk, the sun is shining here in NY and she got to meet two much bigger dogs then she, they smelled each other for a while and she understood who was the leader of the pack, it was so wonderful to be a part of that. She walked right behind them and followed their lead. It was adorable to see.

She is now napping, quite an exciting day for her I assume.

Maybe she is dreaming of her new buddies.

Thanks again for all the pep talk yesterday, it really helped.

I love what your mother has taught you, I don't recall who has taught me that maybe one of the million self help books I baught through the years, but its always good to be reminded. One can easily forget in time of struggle.

I got a lot accomplished today, between, accountant, banks, food shopping for Shiva and me, and cleaning up. I like to try to keep a clean house, even if my ex faulted me of not helping him, truth is and maybe a mistake on my part I felt I was already doing so much (financially with 3 jobs) that the cleaning part was up to him. I knew I could take that on as well but I chose not to, because I felt he needed to take some responsibilities. So now I chuckle when I'm picking up everything and scrubbing around for dust so that Shiva doesn't vacuum for me, he.he.

I still have planty on my to do list to accomplish, mostly medical stuff now, I need an MRI of brain and spine (yuck) so I need to go in about 30 minutes to pick up the paperwork and set appointment.

 

NY, NY together sounds like a plan.

Cheers,

D

[shadow34]

Hello My friend

 

I am good today and shadow is not so good, my poor baby

 

Im glad to hear that you had a productive day. I still have my son home with his broken wrist and arm so he keeps me busy.

 

Self help books are really good, they give you encouragement and make you feel not so alone in this crazy world. No need to thank me for the pep talk, thats what friends are for

 

I have had the MRI, I was having all these migraines and stuff, you'll be ok hun and Ill pray for you

 

Well speaking of housework (blah) I have a mountain of it to do, mate with kids its never ending lol...

 

Take care, good luck for today and we will talk soon.

 

ps: shadow is such a sook and she gets terrified if other dogs sniff her bum hehehehe! you wouldnt think she is a rottweiller !!!

 

Hugs Georgi xox

[shadow34]

Hi Shiva

 

IM such a mess, I have to take shadow to vet tomorrow as she probably needs to be put down....i cant breathe

[Shiva 2007]

Oh my dear Georgi,

big big hugs to both of you.

I am so sorry to hear about Shadow, and I wish I could do something for you from here, please be strong. I could only imagine what you must be going through, my thoughts and prayers are with both of you. I'll be thinking of both of you throughout the day, send me a private e-mail if you wish.

xoxo

d

[devast]

sorry to hear about it shadow.... Hope she calms down for a longer time..

 

Her pain must be painful to you as well....